Night Crumbs

February 2, 2021 / Posted by: Michael K

After being Amazon’s overlord for 27 years, Popeye the Sailor Man’s billionaire second cousin Jeff Bezos has announced that he’s stepping down as CEO of the company he founded and will move into the role of “executive chair.” When I first heard this news I braced for an incoming SCANDAL but Jeff says he wants to focus on other shit he’s into like The Washington Post and his charities. But since Jeff is a bald billionaire, I’m going to guess that he also wants to focus on destroying Superman! – NBC News

Kate Hudson is on the cover of InStyle (third one down) dressed like me after I go through a box of my old clothes from the 90s and think that maybe I can still fit into that mess. Although the difference is, Kate can still fit into that mess – Lainey Gossip

My jacked-up eyes misread this Jessica Alba quote as, “When I’m feeling anxious, I do crystal,” and my response was, “I’m almost there too, girl!” – Celebitchy

If you want to see Justin Timberlake’s thrusting naked ass, here it is and I won’t judge you for that (yes, I will) – OMG Blog

Even Freddie Prinze Jr. (yes, Sarah Michelle Gellar finally let him out of the basement) can’t save the trailer for the Punky Brewster revival, which makes me want to hide in an abandoned refrigerator – Pajiba

When trolling Kathy Griffin on Twitter goes wrong and bites you in your Capitol-attacking ass – Towleroad

My 9-year-old self who thought he reached high levels of minimalist elegance by putting on Scotch Tape nails in his mom’s office while waiting for her to finish work IS about to sue Dove Cameron for copyright infringement! – Popoholic

Don’t those dumb fucks who make fun of Britney Spears’ dancing video know that she dances on Instagram because dances what she loooo-uuuuuhhhh-ves. It only says so in Psalm: I’m A Slave 4 U in the Britney Bible (the Britble?) – Just Jared

And this morning, Punxsutawney Phil was like, “I’m sick of these hos waking me up too damn early every single year so I’ll give them another six weeks of freezing their nipple knobs off!” – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

Tags: Night Crumbs

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