Category: The Library Is Open

Open Post: Hosted By Thousands Of Overdue Books Being Returned After The New York Public Library Ended Late Fees

April 1, 2022 / Posted by:

Irresponsible book lovers of New York, rejoice! Last fall the New York Public Library announced that they would no longer enforce late fees. And, luckily, this updated policy is retroactive. So if you borrowed a book 50 years ago and never returned it, you’re totally off the hook. The move has inspired the return of over 72,000 lost or overdue items to branches in Manhattan, Staten Island, the Bronx, and Brooklyn. Hey, if the library ends up with too many books, might I suggest donating some to poor Ashley Tisdale?

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Dolly Parton Offered RuPaul Some Light Reading

December 8, 2020 / Posted by:

What more is there to say about the woman who is arguably our greatest living American that hasn’t already been said? Dolly Parton‘s talented— duh. Hard-working— without a doubt. Stunning to behold— you bet your sweet ass. Generous and kind to everyone she meets— of course, but if your face is busted, she’s gonna let you know. And that’s just what she did, in the Dollyiest possible way, to RuPaul while he was interviewing her over Zoom for Marie Claire. Don’t fuck with Dolly, she hasn’t given away 150 million books to children without knowing her way around the mother-fucking library, okurrr. And Dolly’s library opens at 3:00 AM every damn day and stays open LATE.

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Open Post: Hosted By An Overdue Library Book Returned Nearly Fifty Years Late

October 2, 2020 / Posted by:

Back in college I borrowed a textbook about fucking Italian cinema from the library and promptly forgot it existed. When I finally found it under my bed, covered in dust bunnies and roaches (the cool kind, not the bugs), it was over two months overdue. The late fees totalled $101. I remember the number cuz of 101 Dalmatians. Despite some pretty embarrassing attempts at white lady fake-crying, I was forced to shill over cash I would’ve spent on booze. Quelle tragique.

So you can imagine how triggered I am today after reading the headline about two library books returned almost fifty years late. The books were the Thomas the Tank Engine book, The Railway Series No 22: Small Railway Engines, by Rev. W Awdry, and Learning With Colour Architecture: The Great Art of Building by Trewin Copplestone. The borrower dropped them off at the Basingstoke Discovery Center library in Hampshire, England, with a note explaining his accidental crime.

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A Stunt Porn Was Filmed Inside An Open Santa Monica Library

February 19, 2020 / Posted by:

Fuckery was afoot at the Ocean Park Branch of the Santa Monica Public Library a couple of weeks ago. In fact, in this case, fuckery was also adick, avag and acoupleoftittays. According to the Santa Monica Daily Press, 19-year-old porn actress Ellie Eilish and an accomplice filmed a 10-minute full fucking video in the library and uploaded it to PornHub. Then I guess some concerned citizen was watching PornHub and yelled “now wait a minute, that’s MY masturbation nook!”, and raised the alarm prompting library patrons and local residents to express their outrage on social media. The video has since been removed from PornHub but the pages of Scruples by Judith Krantz are still stuck together.

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