Now more than ever, we must protect our cultural icons at all costs! So I need to know the names of every security officer at Patti LaBelle‘s recent show in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, because they all need Congressional Medals of Honor. On Saturday night, Patti was enjoying an evening of kicking off shoes and shouting toward the heavens during her show at the Riverside Theater. But as someone was literally giving her flowers, security bum-rushed the stage like a Wu-Tang concert and whisked Patti away from the threat of imminent danger.
The pandemic-era Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade happened today, and honestly, they should’ve just brought out the iconic duo Spider-Man tossing Uncle Sam’s salad and called it a day since 2020 can eat all of our unwashed asses. But the socially-distanced show went on and featured non-kicking Rockettes, lip-synching woes, a performance from the Midwestern Rent known as Jagged Little Pill, and a trio of legends: THEE Dolly Parton, THEE Darlene Love, and THEE Patti LaBelle!
A baffling string of events occurred on Twitter yesterday and this time it wasn’t Donald Trump’s fault. Well, not directly. This one’s more on Patti LaBelle. The AV Club reports that Patti’s “son and/or nephew” might be behind one of the greatest political scandals involving an elected official since, well, since whatever it is that Donald Trump is doing right at this very moment. It began with ultra-conservative former Lehigh County Commissioner Dean Browning, who is neither Black or gay (as far as we know) announcing “I’m a black gay guy” on Twitter, and everybody going “what?” And it ended with a man named William Holte, who is either Patti’s adopted son or nephew (or the nephew she adopted) but is in fact a Black gay guy (and conservative) who also goes by the aliases Dan Purdy and Byl Holte on social media, claiming “I’m not a sock puppet”. And now we all know Patti must have felt up on that stage trying to sing This Christmas without her lyrics or backup singers— confused and frustrated.
Open Post: Hosted By A Vintage Clip Of Patti LaBelle And Dolly Parton Making Music With Their Acrylic Nails
Queens supporting queens! A recently surfaced video clip from Time Warner is making the rounds online and in it, Miss Patti LaBelle and Miss Dolly Parton, decked out bonafide 80s glamour, can be seen creating a rhythm for their totally made-up, on-the-spot song about shortbread, strumming their press-ons together. I mean, really, this video has everything: Dolly Parton, Patti LaBelle, fake nails, big hair, and a sweet little ditty for your nerves. This was DIY before DIY was cool.
A Florida Congressional Candidate Fell For A Joke About How Beyonce Is Really An Italian Woman Named Ann Marie Lastrassi
When it comes to politics, America reached certified WTF levels a long, long time ago. But KW Miller, a congressional candidate from Florida (WHERE ELSE?!), took things to new levels by going off on a Twitter rant about Beyonce’s liberal agenda and accused her of really being an Italian woman named Ann Marie Lastrassi. That conspiracy theory was born on Twitter and it was just a joke invented to bring attention to the police-killing of Breonna Taylor. Yes, this is where we’re at in the world.
They really could just do the theme songs as far as I’m concerned, but ABC is going all out again for Live In Front Of A Studio Audience which will air next Wednesday. Last year, LIFOASA presented All In The Family and The Jeffersons. This year, according to Deadline, AITF is coming back, but they’ve replaced The Jeffersons with Why Ain’t Florida Evans Thicc? I mean, Good Times featuring Viola Davis as Florida Evans and Andre Braugher as the doomed James Evans.