The only celebrity I ever want to see suggested for President ever again is Dolly Parton. The Queen of Country, Camp, Agelessness, Songwriting, Glamour, Big Hair, Big Boobs, Comedic Bravery, High Heels, Breathing, Walking & Everything Else has also become Queen of T-Cells and cured coronavirus! That’s right people, Moderna’s coronavirus vaccine became a thing, partly thanks to a $1 million donation from Dolly Parton herself. Leave it to Dolly Parton to save us all.
After Pfizer announced that their 90% effective coronavirus vaccine might be ready later this year, Massachusetts-based pharmaceutical company, Moderna, announced that their vaccine is also almost ready. Moderna’s is said to be 94.5% effective, according to NBC News and everybody (who believes in coronavirus) has been really excited about it. Get more excited, because if you get the Moderna vaccine, you will receive Dolly Parton’s energy directly into your veins. Sort of.
Dolly supports the Vanderbilt University Medical Center and turns out that a million of those dollars she sends for medical research went directly to coronavirus vaccine research. When people noticed Dolly Parton on the financial disclosures of the vaccine, they lit up Twitter with praise for the One True Goddess:
Of course Dolly Parton did more to save us from COVID than all of the Trumps combined. https://t.co/QXylXHwUBo
— Betty Cracker 🐊 (@bettycrackerfl) November 17, 2020
While on Today this morning, Dolly was asked about her contribution to finding a corona vaccine and she responded by saying that she hopes we also find a cure. Dolly wants to save everyone. How has she not yet been made a Saint? Someone call the fucking Pope!
“I haven’t read up enough–they told me that just before I went on the air that they may be asking me about that. I’m just happy that anything I do can help somebody else. And when I donated the money to the COVID fund I just wanted it to do good. And evidently it is and lets just hope we find a cure real soon.”
When I donated the money to the Covid fund I just wanted it to do good and evidently, it is! Let’s just hope we can find a cure real soon. pic.twitter.com/dQgDWexO0C
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) November 17, 2020
Dolly Parton just does not stop being perfect ever. I need to meet this bitch Jolene. How can Dolly be worried about anybody? Like who can touch Dolly Parton?