Category: Chris Pine

Open Post: Hosted By Chris Pine’s Tiny Ponytail And Pepaw Beard

February 11, 2022 / Posted by:

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that it may be time to reconsider our long-held beliefs. If we can’t trust the government, the media, or each other, then what makes us so sure we can trust ourselves? And today, after seeing pictures of Chris Pine stepping out in LA to grab a sandwich and some rays (for his toes, he was wearing flip flops), I’m questioning whether or not my previously held firm and unwavering belief that Chris Pine is the Best Chris is correct. Looking upon Chris’ scraggly gray hair (pulled back into a tiny pony, not unlike the one Brad Pitt wore for ever so long) and undulating silver beard, I had to ask myself, “Is Kris Kristopherson actually the Best Chris?” He’s certainly the Most Chris, if only by name (whereas Chris Pratt is the Chissiest Chris, I can’t really explain it, he just is). All of this is to say that Chris The Pine’s Double Kris look is doing it for me. So you know what, forget what I said before. Go with your gut.

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Open Post: Hosted By Chris Pine Losing The Role Of Ryan On “The O.C.” Because Of His Bad Skin

May 5, 2021 / Posted by:

Thanks to my Photoshop job above, you can picture what it would have been like had Chris Pine been cast as the trouble bad boy from Chino, Ryan Atwood, from FOX’s early-aughts teen drama magnum opus, The O.C.. But that picture, or your dreams, is the only way you’re going to see Chris Pine as Ryan because of course he was never cast as Ryan. That went to Benjamin McKenzie, naturally. Well, the casting director of The O.C. decided to take a little trip down memory lane, and they revealed all the Teen People cover-worthy hunks who almost got to smolder for four seasons in a motorcycle jacket and leather choker (okay, technically the leather choker was gone by season 2). One of the actors who got the closest to showing up on Sandy and Kirsten Cohen’s doorstep was Chris Pine, but his pimply skin got in the way.

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The Trailer For “Wonder Woman 1984” Features An Unexpected Object

December 9, 2019 / Posted by:

Here, just in time to ruin James Cameron’s Christmas, is the trailer for Wonder Woman 1984: Quest For The Crystal Butt-Plug starring Gal Gadot. Spoiler alert, Pedro Pascal has it! When he pulled that bad boy out of its cave (1:10), it’s literally the only thing I could think about for the duration of the trailer. In fact, I’m still thinking about it right now, and I’ll continue to think about it until the end of time. However, if Chris Pine’s reappearance as the previously deceased WWI soldier Steve Trevor is any indication, time may be a relative concept in this film. Plus the movie doesn’t come out until next summer, so me and my thoughts about the butt plug I have a long cold winter ahead of us.

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Harrison Ford Says Indiana Jones Will Die With Him

May 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Somebody get Chris Pine on the phone and let him know that Harrison Ford says only Harrison Ford gets to be Indiana Jones. Then please ask Chris Pine to make a courtesy call to Chris Pratt and let him know that his services won’t be needed for any future remake, reboot or re-imagining of Indiana Jones, and that Harrison Ford has no idea who he is. Yes, I’ll wait. I’ll wait a lifetime if it means I get to see the crestfallen look on Pratt’s face when he hears the news that he’s Harrison’s “WHO?”. The One And Only full grown Indiana Jones (River Phoenix as young Indy doesn’t count because in that world, Harrison was still the definitive Indiana Jones) appeared on NBC’s Today, whipped out his dick and pissed a perimeter around himself stating unequivocally that he is, and will always be, the only Indiana Jones of record.

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Chris Pine Wants To Have A Serious Conversation About Why His Dick (Which Matches Michael Fassbender’s, By The Way) Is Getting Attention

November 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Two things:

  1. That Medieval Times Movie On Netflix Where Chris Pine Shows His Crotch Monster And Dick Shrub (yes, that’s the movie’s official title, I checked) hasn’t come out yet even though it feels like we’ve been talking about it since the 14th century, which is the time that movie takes place. It comes out this week.
  2. Chris Pine told the Press Association that he wishes we could have a serious conversation about why we’re talking about his dick, but instead people are making jokes like horny tweens. But a second later, he joked that his dick is as gloriously peentacular as Michael Fassbender’s dick is in Shame.

So I’m not sure if Chris Pine doesn’t want us to joke about his dick or does want us to joke about his dick, but I do know that he’s talking about his dick, so let’s all talk about his dick!

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Chris Pine Doesn’t Mind That The Internet Slobbered Over His Naked Body

October 20, 2018 / Posted by:

If you are the type of person who gets moisty for a pair of perfectly combed caterpillar eyebrows, piercing blue eyes and a strong jaw line, whip out your calendar and circle November 9th with a red poster board size Sharpie. The good news is that on November 9th, Chris Pine‘s new movie Outlaw King will be released. As some of us already know,  it features him butt naked, dangly bits and all. The best news is that it will be released on Netflix so you can enjoy it in the privacy of your own home.

Chris was a guest on The Graham Norton Show last night, and while sandwiched between Sally Field and Rami Malek (that’s a sandwich I would order twice), Graham pressed him about the recent Twitterverse responses to his naked appearance in Outlaw King.

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