Brie Larson has joined the club! What club, you may ask? Well, it would appear that she’s currently the secretary-treasurer of the Celebrities Who Brought Ten Tons of Cringe by Shamelessly Plugging NFTs. Hot on the heels of Jimmy Fallon and Paris Hilton’s awkward NFT infomercial, Gwyneth Paltrow’s embarrassing shill, and Justin Bieber’s giant waste of money, we have Oscar-winner Brie Larson deciding to jump into the NFT promotion game. However, Brie quickly learned that the only people who think celebrity-backed NFTs are pretty much just the other celebrities pushing NFTs.
Thanks to my Photoshop job above, you can picture what it would have been like had Chris Pine been cast as the trouble bad boy from Chino, Ryan Atwood, from FOX’s early-aughts teen drama magnum opus, The O.C.. But that picture, or your dreams, is the only way you’re going to see Chris Pine as Ryan because of course he was never cast as Ryan. That went to Benjamin McKenzie, naturally. Well, the casting director of The O.C. decided to take a little trip down memory lane, and they revealed all the Teen People cover-worthy hunks who almost got to smolder for four seasons in a motorcycle jacket and leather choker (okay, technically the leather choker was gone by season 2). One of the actors who got the closest to showing up on Sandy and Kirsten Cohen’s doorstep was Chris Pine, but his pimply skin got in the way.
If celebrities were awarded for their foolery each year, Benjamin McKenzie and Morena Baccarin would’ve won the award for Most Surprising Couple To Bring The ESCANDALONESS in 2015. In one swoop, we learned the following: Morena and her husband Austin Chick are over! Morena cheated on Austin with Ben! Morena is knocked up with Ben’s baby! Morena is fighting Austin for custody of their kid! Morena and Ben are probably engaged! They slowed down a bit as Morena tussled with Austin over spousal and child support (she has to pay him $23k a month), but she and Ben finally got around to getting married. Took their asses long enough!
People says that Ben and Morena’s pre-divorce ceremony went down at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens in Brooklyn on Friday, the same day as her 38th birthday. They got married in front of a small group of their family and friends. Morena and Ben, who is also 38 years old, first got together while shooting Gotham. Morena gave birth to their daughter, Frances Laiz Setta Schenkkan, in March 2016.
These two messes moved so fast that by now they should’ve already been married, divorced and with new pieces. Are we sure this is their first time getting married? Hmmm, that’s got me thinking. Someone call into TMZ’s tip line and tell them to check to see if Ben and Morena got married in 2016, got divorced that same year after she got caught passing her poon and then got back together again this year. The wedding that happened on Friday was obviously their second time getting married. That’s the only explanation for this.
These two move faster than a Pimp Mama Kris in a money booth. Most respectable types want you to get a divorce before you get married and have a new baby, but Morena Baccarin and Benjamin McKenzie decided on baby first, divorce second, and now they’re getting around to that new marriage!
The messy novella-like drama starring Morena Baccarin (aka the chick from “V” to me and “boring lady” to those of you who watch “Gotham“) and Benjamin McKenzie (aka Chino dude from “The O.C.” to me and “boring dude” to those of you watch “Gotham“) feels like it’s been set at warp speed.
Last September we found out that Morena and Ben are engaged and she filed for divorce from her husband of three and a half years Austin Chick. A quick second later, we found out that Morena was knocked up with Ben’s baby. Austin Chick planned to move to NYC from L.A. so that he and Morena could co-parent their 2-year-old son Julius, but he changed his mind real quick and moved back to California after finding out that she was full-time fucking Benjamin McKenzie. A judge later declared that Julius will mostly live in NYC with Morena and she must pay Austin $23,000 a month in child and spousal support. Morena and Austin are still technically married. And now the baby that Benjamin humped into her is here. Since these two are moving at soap opera speed, I’m sure that their baby will suddenly be 4 years old next week and Morena and Benjamin will be getting into messy fights outside of her pre-school.
Anyway, Morena birthed out a baby daughter on March 2nd. Morena and Ben’s reps gave this statement to USA Today:
“Morena and Ben are so happy to welcome baby girl Frances Laiz Setta Schenkkan on March 2. All are happy and healthy and appreciate the well-wishes.”
It’s going to be really awkward when Frances grows up, (DEADPOOL SPOILER ALERT) changes her name to Ajax and kidnaps her own mommy.
Frances Laiz Setta Schenkkan sounds like the name of an old widow Dutch socialite who is known as the biggest gossip. Think “Downton Abbey” in the Netherlands. “Schenkkan” is Benjamin’s real last name and “Setta” is Morena’s mother’s last name. I’m into the name, but I do wish that Morena and Benjamin would’ve paid tribute to their messy relationship and her Brazilian heritage by naming their daughter Escândalina Setta Schenkkan.
Back in September, the Internet was hit with a giant wave of ESCANDALONESS (not really, not at all) when we all found out that Morena Baccarin (from the V reboot and Homeland) made a baby with her Gotham co-star Benjamin McKenzie (from The O.C.). It wasn’t a scandal that Benjamin busted a baby into Morena’s body, but was it a little scandalous that her husband, director Austin Chick, claims they were very much married and together when she got it on with Ryan from The O.C. Austin Chick filed for divorce in July after 4 years of marriage.
Morena and Austin have a 2-year-old son together and even though they have joint custody, a judge already declared that their kid will mostly live with her in NYC where she shoots Gotham. Morena won that round, but she lost the next one hard. TMZ says that a judge ruled that Morena must pay Mr. Clean’s son $2,693 a month in child support and $20,249 a month in spousal support. That comes out to a grand total of:
The hell kind of money are they paying her on Gotham? Maybe Morena agreed to throw a bunch of money at her soon-to-be-ex-husband, because he threatened to spill all her secrets to the tabloids or something. I don’t know, but we can all learn a lesson from this. If you ever find yourself in a TV show and you really want to bump sex parts with your co-star, but you’re still married and you don’t have a prenup, you should file for divorce (or break up with your spouse in writing and notarized) BEFORE the dick goes. Because if you don’t, your checking account could be the one that gets fucked hard after a judge orders you to pay your ex a giant pile of cash every month.
With that being said, #getmoneymrcleansson!