After getting fired on his day off, former CNN anchor Chris Cuomo is now free to sit on the stoop and smoke weed all day with his brother, former governor Andrew Cuomo. It’s not like he has anything better to do. According to CNBC, the HarperCollins imprint Custom House is dumping his book and CNN president Jeff Zucker recently told employees that Chris won’t be receiving a severance. So smoke up boys, and please remember, Stop and Frisk is unconstitutional. So keep your hands off the ladies!
In “Better Late Than Never, I Guess” news, CNN announced during the nothing-to-see-here hour (aka 5 pm on a Saturday) that they are fucking done professionally with Chris Cuomo and have fired him. His CNN show Cuomo Prime Time is no more. Just a few days ago, Chris was indefinitely suspended by CNN for helping his brother, the former Governor of New York Andrew Cuomo, with sexual harassment allegations. Tacked on to the news of Chris Cuomo’s firing is a new allegation from a woman who has accused Chris of sexual misconduct. What a mess. The former First Lady of New York Sandra Lee must be able to see the future when she looks into a glass of her Ocean Breeze cocktail and knew the Cuomo Kingdom was going to crumble so she got out of there quick!
Chris Cuomo Has Been Suspended From CNN For Helping His Brother Andrew Cuomo With Sexual Harassment Allegations
Chris Cuomo has been indefinitely suspended from CNN where he’s hosted his show Cuomo Prime Time since 2017. The reason being that new documents revealed that Chris was way more involved in helping his brother, former governor of New York Andrew Cuomo, handle his sexual harassment scandal than Chris had previously said. Chris reacted to the news by going into the streets and yelling at the first stranger he came upon. Just kidding, but I would avoid being behind him at a check-out line for a few days.
Chris Cuomo was locked in his basement with coronavirus for weeks, so maybe he’s emerged a new man? And part of that includes wanting to be naked all the time? Because he’s free of the bonds of coronavirus and the bonds of clothing? He’s thrown off the shackles of the name “Fredo” as well as the shackles of wearing anything on his body? It would help explain why he appeared naked in the background of his wife’s Instagram-live yoga session–giving her followers a full view of his chakras. Namaste, indeed!
Cristina Cuomo Defends Herself After Getting Shit For Suggesting That Clorox Baths Can Treat Coronavirus Symptoms
Cristina Cuomo got over coronavirus pretty quickly. She contracted the disease after taking care of her husband Chris Cuomo of CNN, who had it pretty bad. Chris’ symptoms were apparently so hardcore that his chills caused him to chip a tooth. Well, Cristina had none of that and it’s all thanks to Clorox baths! Sort of. Cristina shared her homeopathic “remedies” with people and they slapped at her pretty hard for it. So she amended her original comments to say, “Do not take a Clorox bath without talking to a professional.” Still crazy, but more of a warning than the President gave.
Basement dweller Chris Cuomo son’s name has been added to the guest-list for Club COVID, which unfortunately is an all ages club. According to The Daily Beast, 14-year-old Mario Cuomo has caught the virus just as his mom, Cristina Cuomo (who also tested positive for COVID-19) was beginning to feel better (and then worse, and then better again. I told you the DJ sucked!). Cristina posted about Mario’s condition on Instagram, linking her professional wellness blog which details all the wackadoodle remedies the self-proclaimed “personal energy specialist” has been implementing for her family, like adding “½ cup of Clorox” to her bathwater to “combat the radiation and metals” in her system “and oxygenate it.” She’s also taking advantage of Mario’s lack of taste and smell to stuff him full of healthy foods he won’t normally eat. I’ve never felt sorrier for a rich kid in my entire life.