A Florida Congressional Candidate Fell For A Joke About How Beyonce Is Really An Italian Woman Named Ann Marie Lastrassi
When it comes to politics, America reached certified WTF levels a long, long time ago. But KW Miller, a congressional candidate from Florida (WHERE ELSE?!), took things to new levels by going off on a Twitter rant about Beyonce’s liberal agenda and accused her of really being an Italian woman named Ann Marie Lastrassi. That conspiracy theory was born on Twitter and it was just a joke invented to bring attention to the police-killing of Breonna Taylor. Yes, this is where we’re at in the world.
Cristina Cuomo Defends Herself After Getting Shit For Suggesting That Clorox Baths Can Treat Coronavirus Symptoms
Cristina Cuomo got over coronavirus pretty quickly. She contracted the disease after taking care of her husband Chris Cuomo of CNN, who had it pretty bad. Chris’ symptoms were apparently so hardcore that his chills caused him to chip a tooth. Well, Cristina had none of that and it’s all thanks to Clorox baths! Sort of. Cristina shared her homeopathic “remedies” with people and they slapped at her pretty hard for it. So she amended her original comments to say, “Do not take a Clorox bath without talking to a professional.” Still crazy, but more of a warning than the President gave.
Denise Richards Claims That She And Her Husband Are Being “Followed” Because Of His Work In Alternative Medicine
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kyle Richards threw a dinner party and it got weird. This wasn’t your typical Housewives get together where someone calls someone else “boring” and the shit hits the fan (well that happened too). This involved Denise Richards‘ husband, Aaron Phypers, telling everyone about his job in holistic medicine. Aaron claims he can regrow tendons and do other medical miracles with the power of sound. Every Scientologist just simultaneously busted a Thetan-covered nut. But his magical skills have come with a price. Denise claims they have been followed in the past and continue to be. And we thought Charlie Sheen was the only wacko one!
Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter and Square Cash, paid himself a salary of $1.40 last year. Those who don’t know Jack’s net worth might think that’s the reason why he barely eats, because all he can afford to eat is survival soup (made from snatched Taco Bell hot sauce packets and tap water taken from a public bathroom faucet). But Jack paid himself $1.40 since he doesn’t need the money and the $1.40 is in honor of Twitter’s old 140 characters. Jack only eats one meal per weekday because it makes his tech genius mind run better. So not only does he do himself up to look like a starving beach hobo, he eats like one too. I’m pretty sure that when you first look at your financials and notice you’re officially a billionaire, a setting in your brain clicks to: Time To Be As Weird As Fucking Possible.
It’s been a week since Bill Cosby went from alleged sexual predator to convicted sexual predator (the only way that verdict would’ve been more perfect if it was laid down by the rapist-destroyer Judge Rosemarie Aquilina), and as we wait to see if he’s going to die in prison or die while waiting to see if the verdict sticks, Camille Cosby has taken to the stage and warbled out a heave-inducing rendition of Stand By Your Man Even If He Was Convicted Of Rape.
After spraying herself down with a generous spritzing of Complicit from Ivanka Trump, Camille sharted out a long statement that some are calling “blistering.” If by that they mean that her statement caused oozing pus-filled blisters to form on my eyeballs when I read it, then they’re right! Camille really went for it by demanding a criminal investigation against the District Attorney, accusing Cosby’s victim Andrea Constand of being a money-hungry lie-teller, saying the media has her husband’s pure innocent blood all over their hands, and comparing him to Emmet Till, the 14-year-old African-American boy who was lynched in 1955 after a white woman lied and said he flirted with her. Well, I guess if your job for decades has been to enable and support Ole’ Pervy Puddin’ Pop, and he finally gets his, you gotta step the messiness up and throw every kind of crazy against the wall hoping that something sticks. (None of it does.)
Allison Mack, who used to be known as the harmless unflavored microwave oatmeal blonde from Smallville and is now known as the alleged sex slave recruiter for a cult called NXIVM, is currently sitting in a NYC jail cell on sex trafficking and forced labor charges. Allison pleaded not guilty to the charges, and she and the leader of the sex slave cult, Keith Raniere, are both facing a life locked up in the clink forever. Allison is apparently looking to cut a plea deal with the feds (translation: Bitch is ready to spill it and turn on her former sex slave master), and as she does that, more bits of chunky messy details are popping up in this giant bowl of thick fuckery.