Basement dweller Chris Cuomo son’s name has been added to the guest-list for Club COVID, which unfortunately is an all ages club. According to The Daily Beast, 14-year-old Mario Cuomo has caught the virus just as his mom, Cristina Cuomo (who also tested positive for COVID-19) was beginning to feel better (and then worse, and then better again. I told you the DJ sucked!). Cristina posted about Mario’s condition on Instagram, linking her professional wellness blog which details all the wackadoodle remedies the self-proclaimed “personal energy specialist” has been implementing for her family, like adding “½ cup of Clorox” to her bathwater to “combat the radiation and metals” in her system “and oxygenate it.” She’s also taking advantage of Mario’s lack of taste and smell to stuff him full of healthy foods he won’t normally eat. I’ve never felt sorrier for a rich kid in my entire life.
The Daily Beast reports:
Chris Cuomo’s 14-year-old son Mario has coronavirus, the CNN anchor’s wife announced on Instagram. “After 10 days of ups and downs, feeling good one-day and terrible the next, I am now working hard to get my son, Mario, through the virus. My heart hurts more than my head over his infection,” Cristina Cuomo wrote. She said her teenage son’s senses of smell and taste have disappeared. Chris and Cristina Cuomo have both tested positive for COVID-19 in recent weeks, and the whole family has been in isolation in their Hamptons home, with Cuomo broadcasting from the basement. None has so far required hospitalization, and the two Cuomo parents have recovered.
Here’s Cristina’s post about Mario. Poor kid. No innocent child should know what “oxygenated herbs” are, let alone be ingesting them against his will. Note: That first photo is an old one, Mario’s 14, and well on his way of fulfilling his destiny as either a plumber or a governor.
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On this 50th anniversary of Earth Day, show kindness toward our planet and every creature who inhabits it, as the transcendent photographer, adventurer, preservationist and raconteur Peter Beard advised us. My old friend’s recent death offers an eerily timely punctuation on this virus and a reminder that we can’t forget to protect one another, and the animals that roam the Earth. 🌏🌏🌏 This virus has created a different version of me. My hope is to be stronger, healthier, smarter about the virus at large. 💙💙💙After 10 days of ups and downs, feeling good one-day and terrible the next, I am now working toward getting my son, Mario, through the virus. My heart hurts more than my head over his infection. This virus does not discriminate. While kids are more resilient, they can suffer same severity of symptoms. I’m applying a modified version of my remedies for his protocol with a focus on lots of vitamins. Since his sense of smell and taste have disappeared, I am feeding him healthy foods that I normally can’t get him to touch. I kept a diary of the past week including my remedies and things that I did to stay sane through it all. 🙏 Link in bio, as they say.
And according to Chris’ Instagram, he was officially allowed to leave the basement last weekend after completing his quarantine. That screaming man on a bicycle may not have been a hologram projected from Club COVID’s surprisingly state-of-the art lighting system after all.
Glad to see Chris and Cristina are recovered. According to Cristina’s website, in addition to subsisting on a diet of twigs and berries, the couple had been receiving house calls at their Hamptons home from a boutique medical practice in New York City who come and administer bespoke vitamin drips. Cristina also borrowed a “body charger” which sends “electrical frequencies” through the body which she believes “transfers energy, breaks up, and pulls out the low frequency while replacing with a higher rate.” She’s also “rented a PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field) machine, which optimizes the ability of cells to start healing.” We’re well past ginger ale and Saltine crackers now, people. It’s a miracle anybody doing anything less than the Cuomos have managed to survive this disease at all.