Elon Musk has been going through it. He was charged with securities fraud and had to step down as chairman of his Tesla, also broke up with his girlfriend, and remember he called that cave rescuer a pedo? Oh yeah, and stock prices for Tesla plummeted when he smoked weed with uber bro, Joe Rogan. All in all, he’s giving a pretty good showing if he’s trying to show us how badly he can fuck up. And the bad news keeps coming, as it’s now being reported Tesla investors are going after Elon for his “funding secured” tweet and they are looking to Grimes and Azealia Banks for all the hot tea.
Buckle in for this completely bizarre and yet somehow totally plausible story about how ex-rapper and practicing witch (I guess) Azealia Banks was commissioned by Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to make an amulet with his hair to protect him from terrorist organization, ISIS. And you thought Azealia screwing over Elon Musk with her inside business knowledge was strange. This is that and a side-piece of magical fuckery.
Lana Del Rey (government name: Elizabeth Woolridge Grant) grew up in an upper middle class family in Lake Placid, NY and went to a prep school in Connecticut. But I guess those prep school kids were an extra kind of hard and taught little Lizzie how to hide razors in her hair, Crisco up her face, and knuckle a bitch in the face, because she’s obviously confident enough in her fighting skills to invite a trick over for a bona fide ass whoopin. Former rapper turned full-time shit talker (which is what I put on my tax returns next to occupation) Azealia Banks got one of those invitations after trash talking Lana on Twitter.
Kanye West is wearing a MAGA hat. Taylor Swift is twisting Republican chonies. Lady Gaga is a Best Actress Oscar front-runner. And now Lana Del Rey is threatening to go all Bad Girls Club on Azealia Banks? I don’t know what kind of backwards foolery dust is in the air, but can some fly up into the nose of Alexander Skarsgard and move him to show up at my apartment the next time I go fishing for some anonymous fuck and dump action on Grindr?
It’s gonna be a rough weekend for Elon Musk. The Tesla billionaire who recently probably broke up with his android-voiced alien pop princess, Grimes, is being charged. No, not for that stuff about him calling that cave rescuer a pedophile (even though he is still getting sued for defamation as well). Elon is being charged with a more corporate-style crime: securities fraud.
People is reporting that the US Securities and Exchange Commission slapped the 47-year-old billionaire with the charges after that whole saga of Elon maybe taking Tesla private and Tweeting about a $420 stock price and some secured funding.
Azealia Banks really must have nothing but time on her hands at the moment, because instead of writing music, or getting her hair did, or whatever it was that she did in her spare time before she started kicking it with Grimes, she’s still hitting Instagram hard with fresh dirt on Elon Musk. In her most recent slew of IG stories, Azealia shared more text messages between her and Grimes which suggest that Elon set the share valuation for Tesla at $420 because he’s super into weed right now. She also claims that Elon’s lawyers coerced her lawyer into confiscating her phone and deleting evidence.
Elon Musk’s quest to out Howard Hughes in the messy billionaire department continues apace. You’d think Elon, with all his investors and employees to answer to, would be a little more careful about the company he keeps but nah. Last week, with the help of his dirty girlfriend Grimes, Elon got himself embroiled in a bit of a situation which led to Azealia Banks camped out at his house, presumably trying to help out the maid by airing out his dirty laundry for him. Now come to find out, not only did Grimes invite the crazy right on into the mansion, she also causally dished about Elon’s big dick to her in a series of text messages. And somehow, against all rational thought and logic, Grimes thought that Azealia would keep that conversation confidential.