Category: Azealia Banks
Azealia Banks Claims She’s Had Sex With Many Powerful Married Men, Including Dave Chappelle
Azealia Banks is back to scratch her always itchy attention spot. After commenting on Doja Cat’s racism on Instagram, Azealia claimed she’s gotten plenty of big-name dick over the years. And some of those dicks were married. Well, she’s named a name and that name is Dave Chappelle. I know, a rich famous married man cheating on his wife? What’s next? Gwyneth Paltrow selling us useless shit? A Kardashian/Jenner using a makeup shade darker from their actual skin-tone? Truly I’m shocked!
Azealia Banks and Grimes Will Be Served Subpoenas In Class-Action Lawsuit Against Elon Musk
Elon Musk has been going through it. He was charged with securities fraud and had to step down as chairman of his Tesla, also broke up with his girlfriend, and remember he called that cave rescuer a pedo? Oh yeah, and stock prices for Tesla plummeted when he smoked weed with uber bro, Joe Rogan. All in all, he’s giving a pretty good showing if he’s trying to show us how badly he can fuck up. And the bad news keeps coming, as it’s now being reported Tesla investors are going after Elon for his “funding secured” tweet and they are looking to Grimes and Azealia Banks for all the hot tea.
Azealia Banks Once Enchanted A Protection Amulet For Twitter’s Jack Dorsey Using His Hair
Buckle in for this completely bizarre and yet somehow totally plausible story about how ex-rapper and practicing witch (I guess) Azealia Banks was commissioned by Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey to make an amulet with his hair to protect him from terrorist organization, ISIS. And you thought Azealia screwing over Elon Musk with her inside business knowledge was strange. This is that and a side-piece of magical fuckery.
Lana Del Rey Wants To Beat Azealia Banks’ Ass, Literally
Lana Del Rey (government name: Elizabeth Woolridge Grant) grew up in an upper middle class family in Lake Placid, NY and went to a prep school in Connecticut. But I guess those prep school kids were an extra kind of hard and taught little Lizzie how to hide razors in her hair, Crisco up her face, and knuckle a bitch in the face, because she’s obviously confident enough in her fighting skills to invite a trick over for a bona fide ass whoopin. Former rapper turned full-time shit talker (which is what I put on my tax returns next to occupation) Azealia Banks got one of those invitations after trash talking Lana on Twitter.
Kanye West is wearing a MAGA hat. Taylor Swift is twisting Republican chonies. Lady Gaga is a Best Actress Oscar front-runner. And now Lana Del Rey is threatening to go all Bad Girls Club on Azealia Banks? I don’t know what kind of backwards foolery dust is in the air, but can some fly up into the nose of Alexander Skarsgard and move him to show up at my apartment the next time I go fishing for some anonymous fuck and dump action on Grindr?
Elon Musk Got Charged With The Rich People Crime Of Securities Fraud
It’s gonna be a rough weekend for Elon Musk. The Tesla billionaire who recently probably broke up with his android-voiced alien pop princess, Grimes, is being charged. No, not for that stuff about him calling that cave rescuer a pedophile (even though he is still getting sued for defamation as well). Elon is being charged with a more corporate-style crime: securities fraud.
People is reporting that the US Securities and Exchange Commission slapped the 47-year-old billionaire with the charges after that whole saga of Elon maybe taking Tesla private and Tweeting about a $420 stock price and some secured funding.
Hold The Phone! Azealia Banks Shared More Texts About Elon Musk And His $420 Tesla Stock Price
Azealia Banks really must have nothing but time on her hands at the moment, because instead of writing music, or getting her hair did, or whatever it was that she did in her spare time before she started kicking it with Grimes, she’s still hitting Instagram hard with fresh dirt on Elon Musk. In her most recent slew of IG stories, Azealia shared more text messages between her and Grimes which suggest that Elon set the share valuation for Tesla at $420 because he’s super into weed right now. She also claims that Elon’s lawyers coerced her lawyer into confiscating her phone and deleting evidence.