Before she went to bed last night, Kim Kardashian (with no help from Kanye or Khloe, uh huh) got a head start on her daily quest for attention by going after Bette Midler, Piers Morgan, and Chloe Grace Moretz on Twitter for hating on her for tweeting a picture of her naked body.

Since then, shots have been fired from all sides. Bette shot back at Kim by sniping that she’s nobody’s fake friend and read her for being able to take a selfie and not being able to take a joke. Kardashian family ally Bella Thorne slapped at everyone judging Kim’s decision to post naked plastic mommy selfies. Emily Ratajkowski came for Piers by calling him sexist, before rendering her opinion null and void by referring to what Kim does as a “career.” And now Miley Cyrus, seen above looking like The Three Blind Mice’s dirtbag drop-out brother, has taken a moment out of her busy pie-baking and ironing schedule to give us her thoughts on it all.

Dear women, you ALL are acting tacky AF! Why don't we overly (myself included) fortunate women come together and try to create and bring jobs to other women in desperate need of them so they can support not only THEMSELVES but their families! #happyinternationalwomensday can we all put the cuntiness aside for one fucking day and love / celebrate one another! PS no matter how hard you (or myself) work NEVER will I feel I am worthy of the comfort I live in…. Because so many others while I tuck myself in at night are laying their head on the pavement, dreaming of all the things we take for granted every day. Much love to all my women!!!!

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Mar 8, 2016 at 9:15am PST

You know there must be a disturbance in the force when you find yourself agreeing with Miley Cyrus. But even though I agree with most of what Miley has said, I cannot with a good conscience get on board with her directing her message to “you ALL.” According to my religion (First Wivesbyterian), referring to Saint Bette Midler as “tacky” gets you a one-way ticket to Hell.

Pic: Miley Cyrus

February’s Hot Slut of the Month war came down to 110-year-old badass Flossie Dickey and Oscar-winning badass Jenny Beavan. But in the end, the give no fucks charisma of a Washington treasure (whose hot name sounds like the name of an oral care product I need in my life) won out. Flossie Dickey got a little over 46% of your votes and Jenny Beavan got the HSOTM runner-up spot with almost 40%. The Star Wars Dildos were in a galaxy far, far away from Jenny Beavan with around 9% and Botox blossom Annabel Bowlen was even further with 5%.

Fun fact (that’s not actually a fact): Every HSOTM winner gets a bouquet, but our napping hero wouldn’t want a bouquet unless it’s made of tiny whiskey bottles and wrapped in a napping blanket. Me too, actually. Flossie Dickey is going to live for another 110 years, so she’ll battle it out against the other HSOTM winners in the Hot Slut of 2016 finals next year.

I was going to post that skit from last week’s Saturday Night Live of Kate McKinnon doing Flossie Dickey, but it doesn’t even come close to matching the perfection of the original, so here’s that instead:

Thanks to everybody who voted!

While I appreciate Jada Pinkett Smith and her Indigo Child Willow Smith doing themselves  up like wannabe Power Ranger villains for the Chanel show, Selena Gomez easily earned the title of best dressed at Paris Fashion Week with this ensemble that transports us to a really busy truck stop in Florida at 2 in the morning.

That stunning ensemble probably costs more than this blog (although, half of anything on the Dollar Cravings menu at Taco Bell costs more than this blog) and that’s why I love it. It costs a lot of money to look like you’re working the prime time shift at the Pompano Truck Stop. You know you won every award in the fashion game when you look like you’re wearing something from the Avenging Angel collection for Walmart while making your way to Panama City Beach Fashion Weekend sponsored by MD 20/20.

Pics: Splash

One of my favorite scenes from American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson (or as I like to call it, Are You There Juice? It’s Me Bobby) was of Cuba Gooding Jr. as O.J. Simpson getting his partying on to “Everybody Dance Now” in a club with Ross Gellar. I know some people haven’t exactly been feeling Cuba’s acting in ACS. But I can’t say I’m one of them; he totally had me believing that his character was having a great time in that club.

As it turns out, that might have been a bit of method acting on Cuba’s part. Today TMZ released a video of him turnt up at LIV in Miami. Cuba used to strike me as the type who would sit silently in the corner of a club, staring intensely at the DJ while sipping his drink. But not anymore. After a couple dozen drinks (I’m assuming), Cuba whipped off his shirt and decided to wear it like a wig before busting out some topless dance moves for the crowd. Somebody should cover the Snow Dogs‘ eyes. Cuba wouldn’t want them to see this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K7bTulnw7w

That pretend hair on Cuba’s head is beyond busted, and yet it isn’t nearly as bad as the curly wig they made Sarah Paulson wear as Marcia Clark.

The Daily Mail also found some footage of Cuba Goodtime Jr. rippin’ and tearin’ inside LIV, including an Instagram video of him pushing a dude’s face into his crotch and this one of him getting straight-up shut-down by a woman.

A video posted by JimmyBoi aka TheStreetsJeweler (@jimmyxboi) on Mar 7, 2016 at 2:02pm PST

Today’s “Not All Heroes Wear Capes” award goes to the person who shot that video. I’m sure he moved faster than a speeding bullet after witnessing the exact moment Cuba Gooding Jr. realized he got caught and decided he’s going to murder their phone.

Selma Blair plays Pimp Mama Kris in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson. Pimp Mama Kris’ daughter Kendull Jenner is friends with fellow model Gigi Hadid whose mom is Yolanda Hadid (formerly Foster) who has separated from David Foster who is now apparently bumping wet parts with Selma Blair. I know that in Hollywood there’s six degrees of separation between all of the genitals of famous tricks, but Selma Blair and David Foster? Linda Blair and Jodie Foster would be less of a random couple than Selma Blair and David Foster.

David is a brand new single bitch after he and Yolanda announced in December that they’re over. Selma has pretty much been single since breaking up with the father of her 4-year-old son in 2012.

UsWeekly says that David and Selma were definitely on a date when they had dinner at Craig’s in West Hollywood last week. Again, it was DEFINITELY a date.

The meeting between the actress and estranged husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Yolanda Foster wasn’t just friends grabbing food; it was indeed a romantic date, a source confirms to Us Weekly.

“It was definitely a date!” a source tells Us of Blair, 43, and Foster, 66, taking in some alone time at the upscale West Hollywood eatery.

How does this “source” know that it was definitely a date? Did they bone on the table while waiting for their salads to come? Or did they push at their food while making awkward small talk about their dogs before Selma “forgot” she had the flu and ran off while promising she’ll call (when she knows she won’t). That’s how all of my dates go, anyway. Maybe it wasn’t a date at all. Maybe it was a business meeting. David could be producing a Lifetime movie based on his time with Yolanda called Lemons & Lyme: My Life With Yolo. And he wants Selma to play Yolanda since she was so good at playing that other privileged mess.

But I’m sure the “source” (read: an UsWeekly intern) knows it was definitely a date because Selma’s publicist told them so.

Here’s Selma giving you Studio 54 reject glamour at Chateau Marmont a couple of weeks ago.

Pics: Splash

By looking at that picture, you may think that the Chanel show took place in another galaxy where the attendance was all rich aliens. It didn’t. It happened in Paris and was attended by rich humans. Although some aliens did manage to get an invitation, like intergalactic teenage nonsense philosopher Willow Smith and her mom Jada Pinkett Smith.

It’s not exactly a surprise that 15-year-old Willow is hanging out at a fashion show in Paris in the middle of a Tuesday, since the Smith children don’t do regular school. But it’s not like she’s doing it for fun; Willow was just named Chanel’s newest brand ambassador. Plus I’m pretty sure attending a haute couture fashion show is technically considered a field trip in the Smith family’s un-school curriculum. And since it would be irresponsible to send a 15-year-old on a field trip without an adult present, Jada joined her. Jada has apparently moved on from that whole Oscars boycott situation, so she has the time.

I’ve never been to a fancy-ass fashion show, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s proper to show up wearing shit made by the designer. I see that Jada got the memo – although those jeans do look a little Old Navy. But I have no idea what is happening on Willow. She looks like a Scientology superhero designed by John Travolta (“I call her The Incredible Audit“). But if Chanel HBIC Karl Lagerfeld is responsible for what Willow is wearing, and he probably is, then he should probably expect to receive a copyright infringement notice from the producers of Galaxy Quest.

Here’s more of Cool Mom Jada and Cool Teen Willow posing for their lives outside of the Chanel show earlier today.

Pics: Splash