Around 3 years ago, Lana Wachowski, one half of The Wachowskis (the sibling directing duo who created hot lesbian thriller Bound, the Matrix movies, Sense8 and the cinematic dingle Jupiter Ascending) officially came out as transgender after years of rumors. Last night, Lilly Wachowski (formerly Andy Wachowski) also came out as transgender in a statement that was published on the Windy City Times. Lilly, seen above giving me slight shades of Martha Plimpton in a General Foods International Coffee commercial,  writes that she’s already fully transitioned, but she was forced to publicly come out after the highly-esteemed journal of integrity The Daily Mail pretty much pushed her to tell her story. (Side note: Lana and Lilly Wachowski sounds like the names of The Sweeney Sisters’ hot arch rivals.)

Lilly says that during the past year, a couple of publications threatened to “out” her, so she prepared a statement for when and if that happened. The publications decided not to publish the stories. But the other night, a British dude came to her door and introduced himself as a journalist from The Daily Mail. The serious journalist said that The Daily Mail is definitely not a tabloid and he told her that she “had to” let him interview her so she could share her “inspirational” story with the world. Lilly took his card and closed the door. Shockingly, Lilly turned down an interview with The Daily Mail. I know, who turns down an interview with The Daily Mail? Usually The Daily Mail does the turning down if an interviewee doesn’t meet their highly strict journalistic standards!

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(too easy!) Kocktails by Khloe – emeriesan

Upvote winner:

Our eyes met and I just gnu he was the one. – OurMissC

Pic: Facebook

Breath Blasters!

Only in the 80s could there have been an ICK NAST line of toys that made kids physically sick. Breath Blasters were plastic toys that had the looks of the demons that possess some of the bodies of the presidential nominees and they let out a nasty stank that’d even give Brad Pitt the heaves. Breath Blasters came out sometime in the mid-80s and there were several of them including Dogbreath, Mackerel Mouth, Deathbreath, Ms. Morningmouth and Victor Vomit. The air in the 80s was definitely infused with crack smoke, because us children and our parents must’ve been higher than high for wanting to spend actual money to get sick. But then again, the air of today may be infused with crack smoke too since messes spend actual money on music (read: Iggy Azalea, Skillrex, etc…) that makes their ear drums combust.

The whole point of Breath Blasters were for kids to spray that grossness at their friends. I don’t think I was ever lucky enough to get blasted in the face with a cloud of grossness coming out of a Breath Blaster, so I don’t know what it smelled like. But apparently, it was so sick-smelling that it made some children actually barf. “Lightweights!” said Amber Heard before sucking the face of the living Breath Blaster that is Johnny Depp.

According to the Internet, Breath Blasters were eventually banned because the Miley Cyrus mouth queef-like vapors were found to be toxic. In the Breath Blasters commercial below (it plays after the Rude Ralph commercial), a little boy makes a little girl pass out by spraying that fog of Russell Brand burps at her.

I’m going to need CNN to stop covering all that boring political shit and get their investigative reporters to find out if that little girl is okay and didn’t die from inhaling that toxic ass poison.

Oscar Isaac (37)
Bow Wow (29)
Brittany Snow (30)
Chingy (36)
Matthew Gray Gubler (36)
Kerr Smith (44)
Jean Louisa Kelly (44)
Emmanuel Lewis (45)
C-Murder (45)
Shannon Leto (46)
Juliette Binoche (52)
Steve Wilkos (52)
Linda Fiorentino (56 or 58)
Barbie (57)
Kato Kaelin (57)
Mary Murphy (58)
Mark Mancina (59)
Ornella Muti (61)
Charles Gibson (73)
Mickey Gilley (80)
Joyce Van Patten (82)
Walter Mercado (aka Shanti Ananda) (84)
Keely Smith (84)

Pic: MNPP

Lainey has a blind item about a hippie Oscar winner who offered up shrooms at an after-after party and got denied. My guess is either Brie Larson or Jenny Beavan. Whoever it is, I would’ve turned her down to, because I don’t know how well shrooms would mix with all the coke, meth, heroin, freon and hand sanitizer I’d have to snort to deal with all the assholes at an Oscars after-after party – Lainey Gossip

Farrah Abraham claimed that an Uber driver tried to rape, and then she took it back and said she lied – The Superficial 

Gigi Hadid looks constipated, crampy and hungover in CR Fashion Book – Drunken Stepfather

Amy Schumer is really, really serious about The Bachelor – Celebitchy

Dear nerds, here’s the first full trailer for the new season of Game of Thrones – Towleroad

Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe are getting in those photo-ops before he has to check into the clink – Reality Tea 

Kate Hudson’s look is very casual Friday Rooney Mara – Hollywood Tuna 

Some network TV show is killing off its star. Please be Lucious Lyon… Please be Lucious Lyon… – Pajiba

I was going to say that Kiki Dunst is dressed like my abuelita on Easter, but my abuelita wore at least 2 bras at the same time – The Nip Slip 

If a Robert Palmer girl got a new job as the orange girl in a Fanta commercial – Popoholic

Goopy Paltrow would so love to adopt this boy – The Berry 

Sarah Paulson sniffed Cher’s hair once – Popsugar

ABC may have ruined their really hot-sounding TV pilot about the modeling world in the 70s by casting human piece of cardboard Andie MacDowell in the lead role – Jezebel

Christopher Meloni isn’t going back to Law & Order: SVU anytime soon – HuffPo

Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s step-brother isn’t doing so well – IDLYITW

Kim Kartrashian got one of her publicists to write an anti-slut-shaming and anti-naked-shaming essay on empowerment – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

The blindfold on every Lady Justice statue in this country is filling with a thousand tears, because nothing has ever made them more proud of the judicial system like Hulk Hogan testifying in a court room that his dick is not 10 inches long. What a proud moment for this country.

Giant piece of smoked salmon jerky Hulk Hogan and Gawker are currently battling it to the death in a court room in St. Petersburg, FL. Hulk and his wishbone stache are suing Gawker for $100 million for invading his privacy by posting a video of the Hulkster running wild on his friend’s pussy. (Actually, I’ve seen the video. He doesn’t run wild. It’s more of a slow out-of-breath stroll.) Hulk didn’t know he was being filmed when he pounded his charbroiled salchicha into Heather Clem, the then-wife of his friend Bubba the Love Sponge. The sex tape was recorded on security cameras in Bubba and Heather’s the bedroom. Hulk also sued Bubba, but they settled the case for $5,000 and a public “I”m Sowwy.” Gawker and Hulk Hogan tried to work out a deal, but they couldn’t come to an agreement. So they’re in court.

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