I have no idea how Henry Cavill got his hands on my favorite sweatshirt from the 5th grade, but at least now I know what happened to it after I threw it away. So, Superman was seen strolling through LAX last night, which isn’t exactly a surprise, since he’s presenting an award at the Oscars on Sunday. But it was a bit of a surprise that he was being trailed by his 19-year-old college student girlfriend, Tara King.

Tara goes to school in England, and the last time I checked, taking a trip to Los Angeles isn’t exactly the sort of thing you can do between classes. Maybe they’re still on reading week? Or maybe her teachers are smart and know the value of dating a famous rich older dude. I’m sure they were like “He’s taking you to the Oscars? Congratulations Tara, you just earned your PhD in Celebrity Girlfriending, now get out of here.”

Obviously we don’t know for sure whether or not Henry will walk down the red carpet with Tara. But I can’t see why Tara would fly all the way from England to Los Angeles just so she could sit in a hotel room by herself in her underwear with a tray of lukewarm room service nachos and watch the show on TV. Actually, that sounds like a lot more fun than going to the actual ceremony.

Here’s more of Henry and Tara at LAX yesterday. Henry is a pro at the whole pap stroll with the girlfriend thing, so of course they weren’t photographed together at the airport. Why would he waste a perfectly good Oscar weekend girlfriend photo op on the airport paps? You gotta save it for a more important place, like the grocery store.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

The Church of Scientology proudly unveils “The Tom Cruise Center for Bridal Acquiescence.” – perky

Upvote winner:

When you finish, Taylor reminds you to shake it off. – pamorama_j

Pic: Break

S’mores Crunch cereal!

Cereal sales are reportedly falling every year and those lazy millennials are to blame! Us children of the 80s did our part to keep the cereal industry alive and well. We ate so much damn cereal that many of us are still shitting out chemical marshmallows that took decades to digest. We are so much damn cereal that the cereal companies couldn’t keep up and even though a new cereal came out every 15 seconds, it still wasn’t enough. However, the golden era of cereal has long been over and it’s because the young tricks of today don’t get it. The New York Times published a survey that found that 40% of millennials can’t with cereal because they are lazy!

Many millennials apparently like to stuff already-made smoothies and breakfast sandwiches into their lazy mouth holes in the morning because it’s easier. They’re confused by cereal  and they don’t want to strain their bodies while doing extremely hard labor like washing the bowl in the sink afterward. Cereal clean-up is just too much for their delicate asses. Bitch, get paper bowls! Bitch, get those single-serving cereal things at Costco! Bitch, keep cereal alive! While some experts believe that cereal is dead to da grave (copyright: Funky Dineva), Kellogg’s, of course, believes that cereal will soon make a triumphant return. As smoothies and breakfast sandwiches get all the attention on the dance floor, dusty cereal is sipping a Long Island Iced Tea on the sidelines while saying to itself, “Fuck those young tramps. You still got it. Yeah, you do.”

All this talk about cereal has got me thinking about cereal (imagine that). Specifically, cereal from the 80s. One of the best ones that my mom never bought me was S’mores Crunch! It was s’mores in a bowl. It was like Golden Grahams but was dressed up with deliciousness like sugary Styrofoam thimbles (aka their version of marshmallows) and chocolate. General Mills put it out in 1982 and it was discontinued for good in the late 90s. It was a dream.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPiRUtXqJac

Kellogg’s apparently makes Smorz cereal, but I’ve never seen it at my grocery store. So whenever I want s’mores for breakfast, I have to break graham crackers into a bowl and add marshmallows and bits of chocolate by myself. See, millennials, I work for my breakfast! I better stop before I launch into a re-worked version of Miss Sofia’s “All my life…” monologue.

Erykah Badu (45)
Teresa Palmer (30)
Shiloh Fernandez (31)
Ally Hilfiger (31)
Nate Ruess (34)
Sharon Van Etten (35)
Corinne Bailey Rae (37)
Maz Jobrani (44)
Max Martin (45)
Mark Dacascos (52)
Greg Germann (58)
Michael Bolton (63)
Bree Walker (63)
Dante Ferretti (73)
Fats Domino (88)

Pic: Splash

The CGI Awards: Pamela Anderson got naked in Paper Magazine to promote her new line of vegan shoes. Okay, so no animals were harmed in the making of Pamela’s shoes but how many long-haired guinea pigs were viciously murdered to make that wig? How many, Pammy?! – The Superficial 

Justin Bieber is starting to dress like he’s starring in a Las Vegas production of Gleaming The Cube: The Musical – Lainey Gossip 

A homeless man got arrested in Los Angeles for getting too aggressive and strangely enough, Pauley Perrette was not involved – WWTDD

Lily Aldridge found all kinds of ways to hide her nipples with her hands in Lui Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Michael B. Jordan is starring in the remake of The Thomas Crown Affair. But who is going to play the Rene Russo role? My pick goes to a naked Alexander Skarsgard – Celebitchy

Tootie is doing Dancing with the Has-Beens next season – Reality Tea 

Jayde Nicole (aka the chick who used to date Brody Jenner for a second) still exists and the paps are still taking her picture – Popoholic

Miranda Kerr looks like she’s pretend jogging – Hollywood Tuna 

MOVE THAT FANNY PACK LOIN CLOTH THING – Pajiba

The gentle gaysian gardener and the douchey beast mode cowboy are quickly becoming my favorite Survivor IT couple of all-time – Towleroad

In other words, Pamela Anderson wants the Baywatch movie people to throw more money at her – Egotastic

Bill Cosby pressed pause on his defamation lawsuit against Beverly Johnson – Jezebel

Charli XCX showed some tits. I don’t know if they were her tits, but she showed some tits – The Nip Slip 

Everything makes sense now, Katy Perry and JonBenet Ramsey ARE the same person – HuffPo

If you think you have a messy relationship with your dad, get into Christian Slater’s dad suing him for $20 million – Just Jared

Excuse me while I check to see if Southwest flies to Nepal – Popsugar

Here’s Stephen Amell giving you Vanilla Ice in Duck Dynasty – SOW

You knew this was going to happen: Kylie Jenner’s recycled gift from Tyga is getting repo’d – The Superficial 

Pic: Paper

Supporters of Kesha are planning to protest in front of Sony’s headquarters in NYC tomorrow morning, and well, Sony’s like, “Errr, please go and protest in front of Dr. Luke’s house, because we have nothing to do with this.”

Kesha’s contract is with Dr. Luke’s label, Kemosabe, which is a subsidiary of Sony. Kesha owes Kemosabe 6 more albums and she’s suing to get out of her contract because she wants nothing to do with Dr. Luke who she claims regularly abused her. A judge in NYC said “NOPE” to Kesha’s preliminary injunction to release music outside of her contract with Dr. Luke’s label, so the fight will go on. Kesha said in a statement she released yesterday that she’s willing to work with Sony as long as Sony “does the right thing” by breaking all the ties that “bind” her to Dr. Luke. Sony can’t do that. In a statement through their lawyer to The New York Times, Sony said that it’s between Kesha and Dr. Luke. They can’t break Kesha’s contract even if they wanted to.

“Sony has made it possible for Kesha to record without any connection, involvement or interaction with Luke whatsoever, but Sony is not in a position to terminate the contractual relationship between Luke and Kesha.”

Kesha remains signed to Dr. Luke’s label, Kemosabe Records, a subsidiary of Sony, through a separate deal with his production company, Kasz Money Inc.

“Sony is doing everything it can to support the artist in these circumstances, but is legally unable to terminate the contract to which it is not a party,”

Dr. Luke already denied Kesha’s allegations and he’s also suing her for defamation and for breach of contract. Dr. Luke claims he’s invested over $60 million in her career.

Everything I know about contracts I learned while watching Alexis Carrington’s office scenes in Dynasty, so what I’m saying is that I know everything about contracts. But couldn’t Kesha just spend an afternoon in the studio quickly making 6 albums full of her spitting out gibberish on a beat? Wouldn’t that fulfill her contract? But then again, Dr. Luke would probably release them and they’d probably make a lot of money. I mean, Iggy Azalea’s last album was a huge hit.

Pic: Wenn.com