The Hell Kind Of Weed Are These Kids Smoking?

November 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Alternate headline: The Hell Kind Of Weed Is The New York Times Smoking? Because The New York Times’ T Magazine (via Jezebel) interviewed 16-year-old Jaden Smith and his 14-year-old sister Willow Smith for some reason. They all got to talking about time, babies, Prana energy and I don’t really know what else because my brain turned inside out halfway into their interview. I felt like I needed an experienced and gentle peyote guide to get me through that interview.

The interview starts out with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith’s children sharing what they’re currently reading. Willow is 14 and is reading Quantum Physics. Osho. Jaden is 16 and is reading “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life and ancient texts; things that can’t be pre-dated.” That set the tone for the New Age-wrapped moonstone foolery that followed. T Magazine asked Willow and Jaden what they think about time. It’s a stupid question, because Willow and Jaden are rich homeschooled kids. What do they know about time?! They probably don’t have alarms and they barely have any schedules. They awaken from their space pods whenever their conscience stirs and when their in-house yoga teacher senses their eyes opening, she crawls into their room and does anti-gravity yoga with them to the sound of crickets mating or some shit. Anyway, this is what Willow and Jaden think of time.

WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.

JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.

WILLOW: Because living.

JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.

WILLOW: It’s the action of it.

They just saw Interstellar, right?

T Magazine then asked them about their music and how they’ve gotten better over the years. You’re going to need to light up the fattest joint possible for this one. Pass it when you’re done. Actually, there will be nothing to pass, because you’re going to need to smoke the whole thing to sort of understand what Jaden’s saying here and you still won’t understand.

WILLOW: Caring less what everybody else thinks, but also caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad.

JADEN: Exactly. Because your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think

Brad Pitt’s like, ‘Dude, dude, I get it, opposite of an apple, deep… mmmm…I want to smoke out of an apple now.

Jaden then gets into talking about school and of course he’s not into it, because people get into car crashes or something.

JADEN: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.

WILLOW: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.

JADEN: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.

WILLOW: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.

JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.

Willow’s right. Kids who go to normal school are always so tired. I went to normal school and I’m still tired. If only my parents were multi-millionaire movie stars who let me do and smoke whatever the hell I wanted. I wouldn’t be so tired.

And finally, the philosopher of Twitter ended with this:

JADEN: I have a goal to be just the most craziest person of all time. And when I say craziest, I mean, like, I want to do like Olympic-level things. I want to be the most durable person on the planet.

When I was 14 and 16, I said a lot of weird shit. Hell, I still say a lot of weird and stupid shit. Most of what I say is stupid. But damn! It’s as if they spent 3 weeks smoking weed, doing peyote and reading a few New Age books in Sedona and suddenly think they’re experts on the galaxy and time and apples.

I blamed my best friend weed a lot in this post and that was wrong of me. This isn’t totally weed at work. This is their brains on SCIENTOLOGY.

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