Two Salt Lake City YouTubers, Collin Randle and his friend Arcenio, built a mobilized couch contraption (which is basically a couch that moves up to 30 miles per hour) so they could live the dream of every introverted stoner and My 600-lb Life star by never having to actually leave their couch to pick up their fast food.
These two inventive knuckleheads drove through the streets of Salt Lake City and lived the American dream by stopping at a McDonald’s and ordering fast food deliciousness from their couch.
It looks like poor Terry Crews isn’t taking his meaty pecs under the sea and we aren’t going to see a topless Idris Elba in a flowy white beard wig, because there’s a report that Javier Bardem is going to be King Triton to Halle Bailey’s Ariel in the live-action The Little Mermaid, alongside Awkwafina as Scuttle, Jacob Tremblay as Flounder, Maybe Harry Styles as Prince Eric, and Maybe Melissa McCarthy as Ursula.
Ariel’s mom is also reportedly in this, and they’re in the process of casting that role, in case you’re wondering if Javier being Halle’s father is a Victor Garber + Whoopi Goldberg = Filipino son situation.
Paula Abdul is coming back in a big way! Tonight she will be performing some of her classics (YES, THEY ARE CLASSICS!) at the Billboard Music Awards AND she announced a residency at the Flamingo Las Vegas called, Paula Abdul, Forever Your Girl coming in August.
Paula promised to make this residency not just about song and dance but (arguably more importantly!) also about storytelling. Paula’s storytelling is like your favorite drunk aunt bragging about how good she use to do the Macarena at weddings. It’s a solid MESS and I am here for it. Tell me all the stories, Paula!
If you’ve pulled every hair out of your body and bit your nails, skin, and finger meat down to the bone and all you’ve got left are some dangling phalanges and a crotch smoother than a Sphynx cat’s asshole, then you’re probably an American who is already following the midterm elections. Or you’re a citizen of the world who was worried about a much more important matter: People’s Sexiest Man Alive. Yeah, definitely the second one.
Last year, People caused the Census Bureau to double check if only one man is alive when they named Blake Shelton as their Sexiest Man Alive 2017. If People named a pair of cum-stained Fruit of the Loom chonies lying on a broken Bud Light bottle in the parking lot of a Dave & Buster’s as their Sexiest Man Alive 2018, it would’ve been an upgrade, but they really went for it by giving the title to crotch seizure-inducing daddy Idris Elba. Finally, the popular vote matters!
When Prince Hot Ginge told Duchess Meghan that they were going to the THI-TURR last night, she must’ve figured they were going to go see Chicago, because she looked like she was ten seconds away from swirling out a Bob Fosse jazz hand while singing, “… the name on everybody’s lips is gonna be MEY-GHAN!” (see: the Roxie Hart shit she wore to the theater in the video after the cut). But they went to see Hamilton instead. The performance was a gala to raise money for PHG’s charity Sentebale, which helps children and young people living with HIV in Lesotho and Botswana. At the end of the show, PHG got onstage to thank everyone and while up there, he crooned out bits of a Hamilton song into a mic. That mic is now pregnant with little ginger mic babies. Those ginger mic babies will be seventh in line to the throne.
It looks like 2018 isn’t turning out to be the complete flaming anal fissure that 2017 was. A jury said “Bye Bitch!” to Bill Cosby, North and South Korea vowed to stop warring, the Golden State Killer was possibly caught, Ryan Murphy made the best decision of his career by casting Joan Collins in the next AHS, the IRS discovered a glitch in my 2016 tax returns and sent me a $16 check, and now we’re learning that ABBA is going to cause ears to jizz out glitter by releasing new music. I’m going to pray that Alexander Skarsgard pops up on my Grindr tonight and messages me with, “Looking?” It can happen! Because if ABBA got back together, anything is possible!