Category: Stanley Tucci

Vin Diesel Dethrones Prince William As The Hottest Bald Man Of 2022

October 12, 2022 / Posted by:

For some reason, this news is making me react like this meme, but maybe I’m just judgmental. Last year, Prince Williamwon” the prestigious and totally real title of“Sexiest Bald Man” from a bunch of cosmetic surgery specialists. From the top of my head, hotter bald men include Stanley Tucci, Jason Statham, and Johnny Sins. But this year, Vin Diesel has been handed the title of Hottest Baldie.

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Stanley Tucci Doesn’t Understand Why He’s A Sex Symbol

March 10, 2022 / Posted by:

Stanley Tucci began his career as an actor and model, but in recent years, he’s made a successful transition to being a Hot Older Man. Like Christopher Meloni before him, Stanley Tucci has a loyal fan base of men and women who would gladly volunteer to be drenched in cocktail juice from The Tooch, if for some reason he suddenly found himself single and no longer married to Emily Blunt’s sister Felicity Blunt. But here’s the thing – Stanley Tucci has no idea why people find him hot.

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BREAKING: Prince William Is The Last Living Bald-Headed Man On Earth

March 28, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, looks like I’ll be busy all day writing obits for Stanley Tucci, Mark Strong, The Rock, Morris Chestnut, Jason Statham, Sir Patrick Stewart, Kelly Slater, Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Bruce Willis, Billy Zane, Boris Kodjoe, Common, Ed Harris, Michael Chiklis, LL Cool J, Corey Stoll, Danny DeVito, and Homer Simpson. Because it seems like they’re dead. Hell,  if you’re a bald man who is reading this right now, guess what? You’re a ghost! It looks like Prince William is the only bald-headed man alive because some new study claims that he is the World’s Sexiest Bald Man. And no, this “study” was not conducted by the University of Trolling and The April Fools’ Day Gazette.

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White Celebrities Take Responsibility For Racism In A New PSA

June 11, 2020 / Posted by:

Coronavirus begat Gal Gadot asking the Tone Deaf Avengers to Imagine a world where irony does not exist. Not to be outshone, for the occasion of the Black Lives Matter movement, we will be subjected to a barrage of actors emoting about racism while serving black and white Stanislavsky turtleneck Inside The Actors Studio earnestness. In a video for a new initiative called I Take Responsibility, “a cadre of stars staring directly into cameras as they pledge to take responsibility for how they’ve perpetuated racism or allowed it to go on in their presence.” (via The Hollywood Reporter). But don’t get too excited, nobody gets too specific. But we do get to hear Justin Theroux take responsibility for “every not so funny joke,” something you’ll never hear from me! #ITakeNoResponsibilityWhatsoever

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Stanley Tucci Making A Negroni Got The Internet All Hot And Bothered

April 21, 2020 / Posted by:

Stanley Tucci has a massive cock-

tail repertoire. In a recent Instagram post, Stanley got tongues a’waggin’ and mouths a’droolin’ by demonstrating what he can do using just his bare hands and a couple of ice cubes. Stanley made my favorite cocktail— elixir of bespectacled cue ball in a tight polo shirt, also known as a Negroni. Stanley’s demonstration of how to properly craft a thirst quencher had the opposite effect, causing a mighty thirst on Twitter for Stanley’s quiet confidence and moderately hairy forearms.

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Stanley Tucci Is A Daddy For The 5th Time, But Also In General

June 14, 2018 / Posted by:

A new Tucci has arrived! Stanley Tucci and his wife Felicity Blunt, welcomed their second child together a couple of months ago. They had a girl named Emilia Giovanna, born April 19th. Stanley has three other kids from a previous marriage (he was widowed in 2009). Felicity is a literary agent and Emily Blunt‘s sister. Stanley actually has a lot in common with babies. He’s short, bald, and a lot of women would probably let him stick his head in their vagina.

The last time Stanley and Felicity made a baby together, they had jokes for People magazine. When their son Matteo Oliver was born in 2015, Tucci said “I believe he is mine. We are all thrilled to welcome him to this cold, cruel world.” In keeping with family tradition, Stanley came up with a new wisecrack for People to mark Emilia’s arrival.

“Hopefully she will have the looks and brains of her mother and one of my better personalities,” Tucci, 57, jokes to PEOPLE of his new baby girl.

I like it. If you are going to live in the rarefied air of a celebrity family, you might as well have a little fun with it. In fact, he should retroactively give his other kids People birth announcement jokes. He’s got 18-year-old twins, he could call People and be all “I am proud to finally announce the arrival of Nicolo and Isabel. I guess they took a wrong turn at the fallopian tube because these babies are huge! One of them even has a beard”. Ok, that was pretty sweaty.  God, I hope Felicity, doesn’t read this post. Otherwise I can kiss my dreams of a book deal goodbye. I should really leave making babies, and making jokes about making babies, to the professionals.


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