May 15. Mark it. Take note. That’s the day I told you all that the warm months mean nothing but babies. Babies! There are so many people in the world already, but that doesn’t stop people from humping on each other when it’s cold out and unleashing masses of wee ones unto the rest of us once it’s warm out. Yesterday brought news of a witch baby. If Starbucks still sold CDs (why is life so cruel?!), today we’d probably get a Norah Jones mini disc with our Best of Norah Jones CD, because she’s given birth to her second child.

Norah’s reps have confirmed to UsWeekly that she welcomed baby No. 2. Norah is famously discreet about her personal life, so there’s no word on what this baby’s sex or name is. Norah has also never publicly disclosed the identity of her musician partner or their first son’s name. I’m going to assume that they’re named Grande, Tall, and Short for the new one, for the sake of speculation.

Norah has on occasion Instagrammed photos of her first son, but never anything where his face is visible. The closest we got to that was this Christmas shot. But who’s to say that’s even her baby? However, if it is, we can safely assume that he has two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Ha! We got something on him, Norah! But let’s not shade where shade is not due. Good for her keeping shit on the DL if that’s what she wants to do. People like Backdoor Farrah might want to take a page out of Norah’s parenting book.

Congrats, Norah! May little No Name 1 and 2 stay out of the spotlight and prosper.

Pic: Wenn.com

Another day, another story about the perfectly organic and natural love between Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. These two are touring harder than an aging rock band who’ve have realized they still have mortgages to pay. The latest stop on their world tour is LA. And of course they showed up in matching outfits.

Hot off the heels of their super-cool heavily-staged 4th of July party, UsWeekly tells us that Tay and Tom touched down at LAX yesterday in really subtle, non-couple looks. Wait, no. The opposite. Tom was in his trademark blue jacket and Tay was in a perfectly matching navy sweater and navy check skirt. Looks like girl is pushing him hard to work that Americana look. Tay, seeing as you went to England to meet his mom, I’m pretty sure you’re aware he isn’t American. You had your chance with a Kennedy and ya blew it. Tom is never gonna be JFK Jr, ok?

Adding more fuel to the TayTom fire is that Calvin Harris is back. And he’s maybe calling out Tay for being a ho through song. How very Taylor Swift of you, Calvin Harris.

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When reality hits you smack on the head, it ain’t pretty. You know those moments when you’re like “Is this really happening to me?“. I had one of the those moments last night while watching The Neon Demon. But, that’s not anywhere in the ballpark of how harrowing a week Sarah Silverman had. One of my favorite funny ladies, and ladies in general, nearly died last week. Thankfully, she’s ok now.

Sarah took to her Facebook to give an update on why she’d been radio silent for a little bit. Sarah had a sore throat, but didn’t think much of it. Eventually she decided to go to hospital. Lucky for her she didn’t just try and ride it out; turns out she had epiglottitis. The Wrap, in reporting the news, informs me, and now you, that epiglottitis is a potentially life-threatening condition wherein the base of the tongue swells up, thereby not allowing for air to pass to the lungs. Scary. Fucking. Stuff.

Sarah’s message to friends, fans and the hospital that saved her life is after the cut.

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Gretchen Carlson, the former co-host of Fox & Friends who looks like your uncle’s second wife that drinks white wine with a straw and pronounces it “Jai-zuss“, announced on Twitter yesterday that she was no longer at Fox News. As it turns out, she handed her boss more than just her resignation papers. The New York Times says that Gretchen also filed a sexual harassment lawsuit in New Jersey yesterday against Fox News chairman Roger Ailes.

According to the lawsuit, 50-year-old Gretchen alleges that during a meeting last fall to discuss concerns she had at work, 76-year-old Roger Ailes told her that they should have fucked a long time ago and suggested they start a relationship. The lawsuit states that Roger allegedly told her sleeping with the boss would be “good and better” for them both, and that “sometimes problems are easier to solve” with sex. Gretchen claims to have declined, and that’s when Roger allegedly started making things messy for her. The lawsuit claims that Roger then reduced Gretchen’s salary, decreased her on-air appearances, and declined to renew her contract last month. Gretchen has been employed by Fox News since 2006.

Gretchen’s lawsuit also alleges that Roger was a “serial sexual harasser” who was no stranger to ogling her in his office or calling her “sexy.”

I’m sure all our eyes could use a break from looking at a picture of an uncomfortable-looking spray-tanned former Miss America mom in a satin party dress sandwiched between two pervy-looking hands. So let’s take a look at the man Gretchen is suing for sexual harassment, shall we?

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Karla (as played by Nancy Mette) and Simone (as played by the late Caitlin Clarke), the NYC hookers that Mick meets in Crocodile Dundee!

Because Crocodile Dundee is pretty much a family movie, when Mick meets two prostitution whores outside of a bar, they’re two of the squeakiest clean pussy peddlers in all of NYC. It’s like they got a family-friendly makeover from Rudy Giuliana. Karla is the giggly one who is like Carol Kane with three dashes of Annie Potts, and Simone is the one who’s like Jennifer Beals if Jennifer Beals played Tony Montana’s sister in Scarface.

Just when Mick is about take them out on a beautiful, wholesome date, their dick scab of a pimp has to cock block them and ruin it all. That pimp is really in the wrong game, though. Dude should be a ventriloquist because he can make his mouth look like it’s saying “fuck” but instead the word “screw” comes out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCIJNiz6Bcw

Linda Kozlowski was ten layers of glamour and hot in Crocodile Dundee, but I wouldn’t have been mad if that shit ended with Mick taking one of the hookers out, falling in love with her and saving her from LIFE ON THE STREETS by bringing her back to Australia with him. It would’ve been like the Vegemite Pretty Woman!

(Thanks Lahoma)

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Ally Brooke of Fifth Harmony (23)
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Cassidy (34)
Michelle Kwan (36)
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Jim Gaffigan (50)
Mo Collins (51)
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Vonda Shepard (53)
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Shelley Duvall (67)
David Hodo of The Village People (69)
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Pic: Tumblr