Everything I know about being pregnant has come from movies and television, and one thing that I always remember is from Full House when a knocked up Aunt Becky put headphones on her stomach. I guess so that her and Uncle Jesse’s spawn would be into music or something? What I’m trying to get at is, it’s my understanding that when you’re pregnant, you can teach babies to like stuff while they’re still in the womb. Courtney Stodden obviously thinks this too. Yesterday she strutted around in some truly elegant maternity wear for the paps, in what is clearly an attempt to teach the baby living inside her what getting attention is. Like mommy, like baby!

Courtney and a friend were papped “shopping” for  maternity clothes at A Pea in the Pod. I say “shopping“, because there’s no way Courtney actually found anything she wanted to buy in there. The last time I checked, A Pea in the Pod didn’t carry second-trimester g-strings, latex tube tops, or pregnancy-safe coochie glitter. Once again, Courtney is showing her baby how it’s done. You don’t need a good reason to call the paps, you just need a reason.

The teaching continued inside the store, when Courtney’s friend gave a master class in, well, class, by stripping down to her underwear and bending over for the paps.

Unfortunately, I think the in utero lessons only apply when it’s your baby. Nice try though, Courtney’s friend. Here’s more of a pregnant Courtney working her baby bump in some truly gorgeous heels for the paps yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

There will be some of you who think this is a picture of Serena Williams at Wimbledon. Others who have no idea what tennis is might think it’s a picture of a lady in a white turtleneck dress holding an invisible Shake Weight. But for some people on the internet, all they see is nipples. NIPPLES! So many nipples! Shield your eyes! Get the kids out of the room! NSFW!!!

According to The Daily Mail, some people watching Serena’s recent semi-finals match at home were having a really difficult time because their eyes kept getting distracted by Serena’s nipples. I’m sure this is where you’re wondering “Distracting, how?” Like, were they yelling shit out on the court? Were they constantly winking at the ball boy? Were they Snapchatting every play and using the doggy face filter on the ref? No. They were just there, in high definition on people’s televisions. And it got them so upset, they took to Twitter to complain. “Should I fill them in on the irony of complaining about nipples on a platform in which the mascot belongs to a species that includes the Booby and the Tit?” thought the Twitter bird.

The Daily Mail has compiled a collection of tweets about Serena Williams’ nipples, and in their words, people are “outraged.” But they’re pretty much what you’d expect from online Nipple Haters. Stuff like “Pls put them away” and “Serena Williams’ nipples are literally in HD.” Yes, believe it, that last one was a complaint.

In case you care more about Serena Williams than her nipples, she recently advanced to the finals. If she wins, it will be her sixth Wimbledon win.

To paraphrase Tommy Lee Jones, I cannot sanction this buffoonery. Nipples are like built-in flare; they have the ability to bring a certain je ne sais quoi to any ensemble. But what if you don’t want your nipples out there? Too damn bad, nipples are unpredictable! If a nipple wants to pop out and say “haaaay!” to everyone, they’re going to do it and no amount of fabric will stop them. Nipples are the no-fucks-given grandma of the human body. You can’t fight them, they’re going to do whatever they want!

Pic: Splash

Teenage lipgloss peddler Kylie Jenner learned the hard way this week that it’s not enough to simply slap your name on a product to be able to call yourself a successful businesswoman. On Tuesday, it was reported that Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie’s line of overpriced lip shit, had received an F rating from the Better Business Bureau. According to the BBB, Kylie Cosmetics had generated 137 complaints from customers, which included security breaches, shipping problems, and nonexistent customer service. This would be the second time someone from the Kardashian/Jenner family put in a half-assed effort with their makeup company.

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I mean, obviously. Who could forget that iconic photo of Audrey Hepburn in a white bikini pulling a cheesecake pose on the beach? What’s that? That never happened?

Margot Robbie recently did an interview with Vanity Fair to promote The Legend of Tarzan and Suicide Squad. Margot was interviewed by Rich Cohen, one of the co-creators of HBO’s now-dead Vinyl, and as if you couldn’t already tell by the word “SEXY” hovering just above her ass, Rich Cohen wants you to know Margot Robbie is very sexy. She’s also very beautiful. And she’s the next Audrey Hepburn. She’s also America’s girl-next-door, despite the fact that she’s from Australia (or “throwback America“, as Rich calls it). Get out an extra-large roll of super absorbency paper towels, because Vanity Fair does a lot of slobbering over Margot Robbie.

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Former HSOTD Eric The Legend(ary Asshole) from Australia cursed his way into all of our hearts last year when a video of him spitting out the “cunt” word at a dog went viral. Surprisingly, the cat community didn’t immediately recruit Eric to help them take down dogs for once and for all. Eric still lives in Australia with his human Sharon Curle and he’s back in a new video which serves as an extremely educational tutorial on how to eat broccoli the right way.

The video starts off with Sharon yelling at Eric to eat the bowl of broccoli in front of him, and he does exactly what Mama June does when you put a bowl of bare broccoli in front of her eating hole. Eric feeds the broccoli to the floor:

And THAT is exactly what you do when any human gives you a bowl of broccoli that isn’t covered in Velveeta, mayonnaise or fried battered. As always, Eric the Legend shows us the way.

via Tastefully Offensive

Justin Timberlake can say “bye, bye, bye” to being on the list of people that have not worked with a lil’ ol’ creeper. Joining the ranks of true thespians like Blake Lively and Kristen Stewart, JT has signed on for Woody Allen’s latest movie.

There’s no word on the title or plot of Woody’s newest feature. Casting is underway, and The Hollywood Reporter has a short list of the people just dying to spend intimate months with him. Kate Winslet signed on earlier in the summer, as well as Jim Belushi. Yes, According to Jim Jim Belushi. Justin has been cast in a supporting role. Joining him for second-tier billing is Juno Temple, the chick from Vinyl. Amazon, who is distributing Cafe Society and producing the TV show he’s doing with Miley Cyrus, is back on board and committed.

Even though I’m assuming that Kate will get the brunt of the questions ranging from “How can you work with Woody Allen?” to “What do you think about Woody Allen rape jokes?“, it’ll be fun to see how Justin responds to a similar line of questioning. That is, if he’s even allowed to answer. You know, since the last time he tried to put his two-cents in went so well.

This is the same movie that Woody claimed earlier this year that he wants to set in an amusement park. And since it’s a Woody Allen film, it’s most likely going to be more early 20th century costumes, some zippy lines, and a guy mumbling. I assume that means Justin has been hired to do a mix of his SNL “classics“, like singing costume mascot and Dick In A Box. What else could it be? Other than his extraordinary and not-creepy work in The Love Guru. Justin also has his natural hair working in his favor, which we know Woody likes; see Jesse Eisenberg, star of Cafe Society. Mark my words, this is gonna be about a down-on-his-luck singing mascot for a salon that specializes in perms. Yeah, that’s it.

Pic: Wenn