The earth has made one revolution around the sun since Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello called it off, breaking the heart of all of their fan. Since then, Shawn has failed to convince his chiropractor and Mariah Carey to be his new beard, and Camila has engaged in a battle with the English language. With no serious love interests on the horizon, the two have officially decided to renew their relationship contract rekindle their true love! It’s clear that spring has sprung when the birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and celebrities are making out in their best hobo wear at Coachella.

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Sometimes I think marketing people have it the worst. You have to try to get people to buy subpar merchandise, all while convincing your bosses that you can keep their million-dollar expectations under budget. It’s no wonder they come up with the most bizarre concepts to drum up business. Today’s example: get free food forever from Omaha Steaks IF you get a hyper-realistic burger tatted onto your butt! Who doesn’t want to have to explain the massive burger on your ass every time you go to the beach?

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Samantha Markle sued her half-sister Meghan Markle last year for defamation over shit that Meghan said during her interview with Oprah in 2021. (The people should sue Samantha Markle for bringing up that damn interview again!) Meghan said things during the interview, like that she was raised as an only child, that Samantha didn’t like. Or someone told her she could sue for that because she did. Meghan’s side argued that she was just sharing her own opinion on her own childhood, and it’s her First Amendment right to do so. The judge ended up throwing the lawsuit into the trash earlier this month. Well, Samantha pulled that lawsuit out of the trash, wiped away the remnants of the judge’s lunch, changed some stuff on it, and re-filed it. Fingers crossed for ole’ Suin’ Sammy.

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Are you sitting down? Then lie down because I have some shocking, earth-shattering news that will change the way you view reality and the world at large. Kim Kardashian of fame whore fame not only helps set up her “candid” paparazzi shots, but she also touches them up herself. I know. Who knew Kim knew how to operate Photoshop, much less a computer?

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