Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
During Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s chunky diarrhea puddle of a messy divorce fight, Johnny’s friend, comedian Doug Stanhope, made it perfectly clear that he’s sitting on the side marked “Team Queso Dick and Butt Breath” when he wrote an essay where he labeled Amber as a lie-telling and manipulative gold digging hussy harlot tramp whore. Doug claimed that Amber invented fake domestic abuse allegations against Johnny and used them to blackmail him for a big divorce settlement. Amber responded to Doug’s essay by suing him for defamation. Since Amber and Johnny’s divorce war is finally over (or is it?), she has decided to toss her lawsuit against Doug into a dumpster fire, along with all of the clothes that got ruined from Johnny getting his French onion soup-smelling armpit syrup on them.
Here’s Justin Bieber and Marilyn Manson posing for a selfie while looking like they’re starring in an awareness campaign for an organization called Big Brothers for Lil’ Douchebags.
Justin, who looks like a bootleg Aaron Carter doll in that picture, announced his random-ass friendship with Marilyn Manson yesterday on Instagram. Justin captioned the pic: “Night out in la with the boys.” Yeah, about that. I don’t know what age Marilyn gave when during his initiation into Bieber’s Boys Club, but they might want to take a closer look at the date on his driver’s license.
An almost 8-minute-long video of panda porn exists and yet there’s no video of Marilyn Manson getting fisted in the face at a Denny’s in Canada? I’d even take it in portrait mode. We have got to do better, humanity.
On Sunday morning in Lethbridge, Alberta, Marilyn Manson got a serving of Denny’s signature dish, pure fuckery, when he got punched in the face. Of course, everyone involved in this Rooty Tooty mess has a different story. One source tells TMZ that after performing at a show, the South Park goth kid trapped in the body of a Knott’s Scary Farm character strolled into Lenny’s, I mean Denny’s, at around 2am and for some reason got into a fight of words with people at a table. The source says that Marilyn called one of the chicks at the table a “bitch” and her boyfriend responded by doing what life has done a long time ago: punched MM in the face. But Marilyn’s manager has a totally different story…
Marilyn’s manager tells TMZ that he is an innocent angel in all of this and he did nothing wrong. Marilyn claims that he was enjoying his pancakes when two chicks came up to him and asked for a picture. Marilyn says he played nice, took pictures with the chicks and never called one of them a bitch. But for some reason, a guy flew out of nowhere and punched the white Halloween Town vampire makeup right off of Marilyn’s face before elbowing his makeup artist in the head. The puncher screamed about blowing up Marilyn’s next concert as Marilyn’s bodyguard (yes, he has one of those) dragged the crazy dude away.
The cops know about this Fists Over My Hammy fight, but no charges were filed and the case is closed. It’s closed for the cops, but it’s not closed for Marilyn. He and his makeup artist plan to go back to Lethbridge to press charges against the sucker puncher.
I take back everything I’ve said in the past about Marilyn Manson being as edgy as a bunny in a bow tie backpack. MM earned all the edgy points when he got punched out at a Denny’s in Alberta after midnight. It doesn’t get more hardcore than that. But then again, if you go to almost any Denny’s after midnight, there’s a very good chance you’ll leave with a busted gut from eating that shit and a busted face from getting punched out by a drunk bitch.
If there was video of this, it might be my new favorite Denny’s fight video, but since there isn’t, that title still belongs to the classic “Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me” brawl. There are a million Denny’s fight videos on YouTube, but this one has everything: drama, theatrics and dialogue that sounds like Chekhov wrote it:
Emily The Strange’s daddy Marilyn Manson has a new album out, so he’s hitting the stroll hard and giving a bunch of interviews. Thankfully for the part of your brain that creates visuals, Marilyn has stopped talking about how he needs to keep his panties during sex and has to bust an orgasm at least 5 times a day. But in an interview with Esquire, MM did talk about why Courtney Love was mad at him, and about the time Big Bird’s voice twin Billy Corgan did him a bro solid by warning him about Rose McGowan. I know, this shit is so 90s. Doesn’t it make you want to put on a black crushed velvet choker and a torn fishnet shirt.
I know you’ve been wondering what Marilyn Manson’s average fuck time sessions look like, and now you can stop wondering and start painting the picture with your mind.
Rolling Stone did a really interesting profile about Hot Topic’s oldest customer and I hope Lifetime turns it into a movie. Paul from The Wonder Years can play Marilyn Manson. (“So you mean, Marilyn Manson can play himself” said every trick who will forever believe that Paul from The Wonder Years and MM are the same person. I used to be you and a part of me still is.) Marilyn talks about his phobias and how his phobias get in the way of him having all-naked fuck times with the lights on. Marilyn’s mom had Munchausen by Proxy syndrome and he was in the hospital a lot for “allergies,” so all his weird phobias might have come from his childhood.
He can’t really take a shower with a piece he’s dating and he doesn’t do baths at all. Marilyn’s maid probably has a severe case of arthritis in the hands from constantly scrubbing white Halloween makeup, sex smegma and who knows what else out of his bed linens, because he only sleeps on black sheets and he bones at least 5 times a day. I figured Marilyn Manson came grey dust because he’s that goth. But now I know he cums dust and air because his gonads can’t produce jizz fast enough. Marilyn, who is currently doing photographer Lindsay Usich (If you read that as “Lars Ulrich” go with it. It’s good for your visuals), has to screw in the dark and he’s always prepared for a fire:
First, no lights shall be on. “I’m just really shy, despite what you’d imagine,” he says. Second, no underwear shall be slipped farther down than his ankles. “I have a phobia that the house is going to catch fire, and I don’t want to be naked,” he says.
Basically, Marilyn Manson screws like a teenager who’s afraid his parents are going to come home at any minute.
So Marilyn Manson has to keep his panties on when doing sex. Big deal. He always acts like he’s the King of the Weirdos. He’s not. For his information, every human being I’ve ever done it with insists on keeping their underwear on too. It’s not that uncommon. Yes, they insist on keeping it over their face so they can’t see me, but still. That counts.