My apologies to those of you who jumped into your end-of-the-world bunker after reading that headline too fast, because you thought that the Four Horsemen were about to run over your ass now that John Travolta has “come out.”
During simpler times in 2011, John Travolta announced that he was going to slap a mob boss wig onto his head to play John Gotti in a biopic called Gotti. Producers threw a press conference to announce the movie and used Lindsay Lohan to get attention for it. (They said LiLo was in talks to play Gotti’s daughter Victoria and that went nowhere.) After years and years of “development,” shooting finally started in July 2016 with Kevin Connolly (that light brown-haired one from Entourage) as the movie’s director, Travolta as Gotti and Kelly Preston as Gotti’s wife Victoria. Gotti was supposed to come out December 15 (just in time to get all the Oscar nominations it was never going to get), but that’s not going to happen anymore. Its distributor Lionsgate has pulled it from its schedule. I wonder why?! A silence has filled the bathhouse in the Scientology Celebrity Center as the boys prepare for their leader to get exposed for the ten hundredth time.
In what will come as a shock to maybe your grandma with glaucoma who hasn’t picked up a tabloid since the fall of the Berlin Wall and never saw Hairspray, it appears John Travolta isn’t always faithful to Kelly Preston and instead tried to squeeze up on a male massage therapist in Palm Springs back in 2000. Continue reading
I’m sure John Travolta and Tom Cruise are sitting in the gilded steam room today wondering how much time they have left in their Scientology palace where the TVs feature reruns of King Of Queens of Kevin James being dubbed to say “Suppressive witch!” each time Leah Remini appears. That’s because an unlikely person could have emerged to snatch the tax exempt status from the “church.” Continue reading
Show me a person who looks at that stunning work of art above and can honestly say that they hate the movie that made it possible, and I’ll show you a not-knowing trick whose opinion should never ever be trusted again! And one of those tricks is Olivia Newton-John.
Kelly Preston must have gotten sick of John Travolta getting all of the attention for the rayon Shih Tzu that has taken up permanent residency on his head, because last night, she caused hos to choke on massive clouds of beauty and pink bottle AquaNet hairspray when she hit the red carpet at the Emmys. All of Kelly Preston’s Thetans traveled up north and moved into the luxurious Bump It-created hair pavilion on top of her head.
Lainey at Lainey Gossip posted these pictures and she immediately saw Marie and Donny Osmond. I see it, but Kelly Preston wishes she had the wax figure complexion and exquisite marble doll eyes of Marie Osmond and John Travolta is way too butch to pass for Donny Osmond. But seriously, when I look at Kelly Preston I see the last runner-up in the Mrs. Kansas 1980 pageant and I also see a failed country singer from the 1960s whose most proud moment was the time a drunk dude mistook her for Loretta Lynn and asked for her an autograph.
Since Kelly also looks like a chorus member in a community theater production of Hairspray, I’m guessing that hair was John Travolta’s idea. It’s about time that John shows his beard some appreciation and uses his hairstyling talents to glamour her up. But I have a feeling that this is a Cinderella situation and Kelly will go back to having a homely dishrag on her head, because John won’t be able to stand not being the most glamorous one. But well at least for one night, Kelly could see her glammed-up self in the mirror and say, “I’m a pretty girl, mama.”
Side note: “Fancy crack den” is also one of the code words those gossips in the Scientology Centre bathhouse use for his b-hole.
Forget The National Enquirer’s exposé on Ted Cruz being a mega cheating slut who allegedly dipped his peen in at least 5 side pieces (I bet his O face looks like a Grandpa Munster claymation figurine trying to sneeze and cough at the same time)! The biggest and most escandaloso story of the day is how (WARNING: Super Glue your chair to the floor and hold on extra tight or you may knock over from the shock of it all) John Travolta will only let you massage his body if you’ve got a real dick attached to your crotch. I’ll wait here as you call a handyman from Angie’s List to fix your floor, because I’m sure that brand new shocking information caused you to rip your chair outta that bitch.