There were some real upside down and sideways looks on display at the The Council of Fashion Designers of America awards in NYC last night. Most notably Whoopi Goldberg giving us Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep and was forced to go to the big city and take out a bank loan for more, wearing her best Big Business suit. The added bonus of that suit is that those giant bell bottoms probably ring so damn loud, the sheep should have no problem finding their way back home.
Other notable looks included: Cate Blanchett‘s tuxedo/ baked potato/ butcher’s apron combo, and the night’s host Issa Rae’s belt that read “Every Nigga Is A Star”. All of those looks and more are in the gallery but for now, we’ve got plenty of high fashion to keep us in “what is going on here”s for a week.
And yet, Fox still has that disaster of a Lethal Weapon TV series plugged into life support? To paraphrase Andy Samberg’s character Jake Peralta: cool cool cool cool cool, the system makes no goddamn sense. Yes, I’m a Brooklyn Nine-Nine fan, and yes I’m more pissed than Scary Terry realizing he’s about to miss the farmer’s market.
Last month, January Jones was rumored to be dating former bachelor from The Bachelor Nick Viall (aka the one that looks like someone threw Ryan Reynolds in the dryer). January was a big Bachelor fan, who apparently took her obsession one step too far, and she and Nick had reportedly been seeing each other for about two months. Either January realized how embarrassing it was to be dating one of the discount bin Bachelors, or someone was exaggerating that rumor. Because she denied it.
January Jones has reportedly hooked up or dated the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Bobby Flay, Jason Sudeikis and Jeremy Piven, and I guess she still loves herself a yeast infection in the form of a human man. Because Page Six says that January is bumping fuck parts with one of the Bachelors. And not even one of the fancy Bachelors, like that Italian royal whose princess grandmother founded my abuelita’s favorite luxury cosmetics brand Borghese! January is instead slumming it by dating Nick Viall.
When January Jones got knocked up eons ago with a “mystery” baby, nobody knew who the father was. And you sure as shit weren’t going to find out from January Jones herself, because she wasn’t interested in telling (at least not right now). January still doesn’t want to talk about who the father of her 5-year-old son Xander Jones is, but she will talk about how she isn’t holding auditions for Xander’s new dad.
The Screen Actors Guild Awards was last night and as you know big things happened in diversity. (Well, hello #SAGsSoBlack) But as you also know in life, the good comes with the bad. And if you need further proof of the latter statement take a look at the nominees who walked the red carpet. While many actresses effortlessly slayed (I’m looking at you Rachel McAdams.. “And I’m looking at you, Lori Petty!” – Michael), others lost sense of the space-time continuum and common sense, showing up dressed like a Project Runway reject designed their gowns. The latter remark is best applied to actress Alicia Vikander who wore a long-sleeved, sparkly Louis Vuitton dress that bore a striking resemblance to the afghan on Roseanne’s couch. The dress just screams, “We were short on material while sewing this number” with its large patchwork of mismatched colors and unflattering large squares. Instead of shutting down questions, Alicia’s dress incited a lot more. I ask you, “When has gold and blue ever worked as a color combination?”
I’m sure the snooty fashion mavericks at Louis Vuitton convinced her on that wolf ticket of a dress by saying, “Darling! It’s gorgeous on you! What more can you ask for: chic and 70s-inspired? Voila!” And of course, because she’s obligated by contract as the face of Louis Vuitton to wear it, she fell for it. But I don’t blame Alicia because her thought process is technically hazy considering she’s at stage 10 of dickmatization courtesy of her, er, well-equipped boyfriend Michael Fassbender. Yes, she did nab an award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Movie for her performance in The Danish Girl which is lovely. But I’m positive all she was concerned about was running back to her hotel room to get some Fassbender lovin.’ “Who cares about this God-forsaken borrowed dress,” Alicia mumbled to herself, statue clutched in her hand, as the elevator ascended back to her complimentary room. “I’m going to get plowed by the best of them as soon as I enter my room.”
My thoughts exactly, Alicia. My thoughts exactly.
For more of the horror show known as the red carpet, browse the slideshow below for WTF moments from some of your favorite actresses such as Nicole Kidman, Kaley Cuoco, Christina Hendricks, Laverne Cox, Rooney Mara, Kate Mara, January Jones, and many more.