Elon Musk Denies He Homewrecked Google Co-Founder Sergey Brin’s Marriage, Says He Hasn’t Had Sex In A While
The diet industry is probably in the Tummy Tea-infused shit can this morning and not because the state of the world is making many of us devour our feelings by shoving all kinds of deep-fried carb delicious into our eating holes without care. No, it’s because many of us have been forced to do intermittent fasting from hearing about Elon Musk busting nuts left and right. Who can eat anything while suffering from the heaves? Well, over the weekend, The Wall Street Journal got in on the adventures of 51-year-old Elon Musk’s dick and they say that it helped destroy the marriage of 48-year-old Google co-founder Sergey Brin and Sergey’s 37-year-old lawyer/entrepreneur wife Nicole Shanahan. But Elon Musk responded to the alleged tech bro billionaire drama, denying that he had an affair with Nicole and saying that he hasn’t “had sex in ages.” This is shocking to everyone who saw those topless pics of Elon Musk sunning his chichis. You’d think everyone would be throwing their genitals at him over that.
Yesterday the news broke that NeNe Leakes, formerly of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, was being sued by her boyfriend’s wife for (allegedly) being a husband-stealing homewrecker. Err, the official accusations are “alienation of affections” and “criminal conversation”. Last night NeNe took to Instagram Live to respond to wife Malomine Tehmeh-Sioh’s claims, and her official line is, “ain’t nobody out here stealing husbands.” I mean, she’s not wrong. Cheaters like Nyonisela Sioh can’t be “stolen”… unless they somehow fall prey to an evil seductress in a psychological thriller from 1992 (see: Poison Ivy, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle). Continue reading
Back in April, NeNe Leakes filed a lawsuit against Andy Cohen and Bravo, accusing them of fostering a toxic, racist work environment. But now the suer has become the suee. TMZ reports that 54-year-old NeNe is being sued by a woman named Malomine Tehmeh-Sioh. So, who the heck is this Malomine character? I’ll tell ya who she is: NeNe’s boyfriend’s wife. Huh. Looks like NeNe didn’t practice what she famously preached on the very first season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Close your legs to married men.”
Did you read yesterday’s story about 53-year-old Pamela Anderson getting married to her 40-year-old bodyguard Dan Hayhurst and think, “Hmm, this will definitely not get messy since Pamela’s marriages are never messy.” Well, it’s gotten messy. Dan’s ex, a 42-year-old woman named Carey, claims that she found out about the marriage when we all did. And Carey adds that when Dan got with Pamela, he was still with her. Also, Dan and Carey were raising three children together. Well, Pamela’s latest marital union is definitely going to last until the end of time, but just in case, Carey should practice slamming the front door as hard as possible when alleged cheating slut Dan comes crawling back.
There are some things that January Jones wants to keep very private, like the identity of the father of her 8-year-old son Xander Jones. But there are other things that January doesn’t really want to keep private like her thirst for NBA star Kawhi Leonard, who plays for the Los Angeles Clippers. 42-year-old January didn’t keep it subtle by sliding into 29-year-old Kawhi’s DMs. January left subtlety at the door and decided to hit up Kawhi in an Instagram Story.
People Magazine’s least sexy Sexist Man Alive, Blake Shelton, offered his ex-wife Miranda Lambert some subtle front porch country shade (with a side of extra tart lemonade) when asked about her recent marriage to the “love of her life”, 28-year old NYPD cop Brendan McLoughlin. Brendan and Miranda have only been married for less than a month which, frankly, is longer than a lot of people probably expected. They’ve only known each other 3 months and he has an infant child with a woman his ex-fiance’s mom claims he cheated with. According to People, Blake’s been reduced to speaking only in country music cliches, a source claims “he put Miranda in his rear view mirror long ago”, presumably followed by something about dirt roads, Chevy trucks, and his dog riding shotgun (Gwen has to ride in the back).