People Magazine’s least sexy Sexist Man Alive, Blake Shelton, offered his ex-wife Miranda Lambert some subtle front porch country shade (with a side of extra tart lemonade) when asked about her recent marriage to the “love of her life”, 28-year old NYPD cop Brendan McLoughlin. Brendan and Miranda have only been married for less than a month which, frankly, is longer than a lot of people probably expected. They’ve only known each other 3 months and he has an infant child with a woman his ex-fiance’s mom claims he cheated with. According to People, Blake’s been reduced to speaking only in country music cliches, a source claims “he put Miranda in his rear view mirror long ago”, presumably followed by something about dirt roads, Chevy trucks, and his dog riding shotgun (Gwen has to ride in the back).
I miss the good old days when country music was your go-to stop for trashy high drama! For a while now, that role has been filled with a plethora of Lil’ rappers/Kardashians/RuPaul’s Drag Race edits. But I’m happy to report that Miranda Lambert and her new husband Brendan McLoughlin are single-handedly bringing the venerated traditions of homewrecking and public brawling back to Nashville where it belongs. As we know, when she’s not instigating steak house food fights, Miranda’s sneaking around and getting secretly married to a dude she just met who happens to have a baby the exact same age as their relationship (which is 3 months).
Come to find out, Brendan was engaged to a woman named Jackie Bruno at the time of that baby’s conception. And we know this because Jackie’s mom, Carol Bruno, talked to Radar and told them all about it in an exclusive interview. Carol says Brendan was doing the two-timing-two-step on her daughter while she was overseas. And Jackie only found out about his cheating heart when the the baby’s mom called her up and broke the news. I am 100 percent sure there’s a Reba McEntire song about this exact situation.
“Honey, can you take off your wedding ring and also let everyone you know that we got divorced, and it’s finalized, thank you, dear,” was uttered by millions of wives everywhere after we all learned that Miranda Lambert is single and ready to mingle with some taken pieces. Oh, naive wives, this is Miranda Lambert we’re talking about. She’s a pro. Ring or not, she knows a dude is married because she can sniff out his “haven’t had sex since my wedding night” scent.
Miranda announced she was done with Evan Felker not long after it was reported that his divorce from Staci Felker had been finalized. So Evan lost a wife, who is apparently not looking to take his skeezer ass back, and a multi-millionaire country star girlfriend who is so not going to put him on one of her tours again, and a source tells People it’s because he broke one of her rules. No, the rule wasn’t: Have a wife.
Home Wrecker Hall of Fame Lifetime Inductees Sienna Miller and Angelina Jolie are bowing to their Queen Miranda Lambert today, who is slipping the First Place sash over her shoulder after declaring that less than a week after her boyfriend Evan Felker‘s divorce was finalized, she is “happily single“.
Quick update on the Miranda Lambert-dating-a-married-man situation. I have to call it a situation and not a scandal, because let’s be real: this happens all the time.
When Amanda Seyfried got together with her now-husband Thomas Sadowski, it was under the kind of circumstances that usually lead to gossipy types looking up from their glasses, lowering their voices, and declaring “So, you know…“. They met during rehearsals for the off-Broadway play The Way We Get By in 2015. At the time, Amanda was with Justin Long, and Thomas was with his wife of eight years, Kimberly Hope. Amanda and Thomas reunited a year later to film The Last Word, and by then both were single and ready to mingle with each other. They got engaged six months after they went public. The timeline was suspect, but Amanda says it was honest and no one was cheating.