One month into lockdown-times, and many of us are losing our goddamn minds. I’ve become obsessed with spying on the couple across the street (the passion is gone, they can both do better). A friend is watching every single one of Tom Cruise’s movies in chronological order (we’ve already lost her to L. Ron Hubbard). Then there’s January Jones, who’s addicted to making nutty Instagram videos.
The most recent one is January showing off her brand new tap shoes, which she was inspired to order after watching Annie (let’s hope it wasn’t the Cameron Diaz version).
Since I know shit about tap dancing (I quit dance after three weeks because I didn’t like missing Oprah, and also I sucked), I’m not sure if January is actually a #gifted natural, or the shoes are just tappy. It’s a dance mystery.
Either way, I gotta hand it to January. A few years ago, I assumed she was as cold as iconic ice queen Betty Draper. Both child and clown confirmed this hunch. But there were glimmers of badass: this historic cab ride of shame, never revealing her baby’s father, and publicly shitting on Ashton Kutcher.
Then January hopped on Instagram and fast became one of my favorite actress accounts. On there, she’s just a mess from South Dakota. And Kiernan Shipka seems to like her… shouldn’t that count for something? I’ve determined if January is a bitch, she’s my kind of bitch. We’d get wasted and gossip about Jon Hamm’s dick. It’s that, or she’d go full Betty on me, say something scathing about my outfit, and ash her cigarette into my eye. And I’d love it.
Here’s a few more clips of January’s mental health dipping into negative marbles (hey, her words) as she shows off her mask collection: