January Jones Did A Drunk Instagram Live And Told A Story About Bruce Willis Being Gross

Last night I was in bed, mindlessly tapping away on my phone, but fully intending to go to sleep at a decent hour. Then, something derailed these plans entirely: January Jones went Live! on Instagram. I couldn’t not click. And it was worth it. Betty Draper sucked away on a Coors in front of a crackling fire, while her old friend Becca from South Dakota fielded fan questions. Revelations included: January did zero research for Mad Men, she claims to have rewritten her scenes for Love Actually, she has a super expensive skincare routine, and Jack Nicholson once told her she had talent. And then? Gossip. Real, live gossip.

January began raving about how kind Cate Blanchett was on the set of the 2001 film Bandits. This morphed into a tale about modeling shorts for director Barry Levinson and co-star Bruce Willis. After they made her walk back and forth (the implication was they were looking at her ass), Bruce, then 45ish, asked January, 22ish, if she would like to come to a cast dinner. Bandits was her first movie, and she excitedly agreed. But when she showed up that evening, it was just Bruce, Cate Blanchett, and Cate’s husband Andrew Upton. Bruce duped her into going out on a double date! January said she was “sickened” that Cate might think she was sleeping with Bruce Willis. And that’s when I scrambled to hit screen record on my phone…

https://twitter.com/emilydorothy/status/1343810682408603648

January said:

Cate Blanchett thought that I was like sleeping with Bruce Willis or something. And she’s like this bald goddess, with her husband Andrew who’s amazing, this little English guy.

And we’re at this sushi place in Monterey, California. And I was sickened that he brought me as his date, I thought it was a cast dinner. Anyway, I’m gonna end the story there, but other stuff happened.

Blegh. January goes on to say that she ran into Cate many years later at Chateau Marmont, and was delighted that Cate remembered her. Then she (thankfully) circled back to the Bruce stuff:

And then recently I’ve seen her many times and she [Cate] had lots of jokes to tell about how I was nearly molested, but… we should end this because I’m about to say too much, Becca!

Alas, Becca agreed, and after some confused fumbling, January managed to end the Instagram Live. My guess is she immediately passed out in front of the fire and this morning Becca woke up to a million texts that read, “Fuck, what did I say?”

This isn’t the first time January shit on Bruce. Demi Moore wrote in her autobiography that while her ex-husband Ashton Kutcher was dating January, he was convinced that January and Bruce, Demi’s other ex-husband, were having a fling on the set of Bandits. Years later Demi sat next to January at an event, and straight-up asked her if she’d ever banged Bruce. January reportedly laughed and said, “Are you serious? I told him a hundred times, I didn’t want to fuck that old man!”

The National Enquirer may have called January’s antics on Instagram a “desperate cry for attention”, but I think it’s her true calling. I’d go so far as to say she should quit the acting game and embrace this new path full-time. Nobody could top Betty Draper, JJ. Might as well give the people what they want!

Pic: Instagram