Is there anything Angelina Jolie can’t do? Act, direct, produce, wrangle a half-dozen children, think of the name “Brad Pitt” without mentally summoning the anger of 1000 Hells.. And now we know she has the power to act as the sexy bait to lure in a warlord.
I like to imagine happier times, when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were ruling the box office and they probably spent their evenings sipping rare French wine watching their joint checking account balance whirl up and up and up like that National Debt Clock that spooks shit out of half of Manhattan. Now that they’re separated, St. Angie has recognized she needs to work a room and hawk her artsy-fartsy shit as well as commercial stuff so she can keep the Child Army in the palaces they’ve all grown accustomed!
When I free associate on the name Gwyneth Paltrow these are the first things that pop into my mind: Vaginas, dietary restrictions, Brad Pitt, aggressively Caucasian, talks weird, head in a box. Gwyneth recently appeared on Sophia Amoruso’s Girlboss podcast (via Page Six), and she managed to reaffirm most of them in a single interview! But the big take away is that Gwyneth revealed she is romantically challenged, and once again admits she was to blame for things not working out with Brad.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have emerged as the Ross and Rachel of Hollywood, and all of us are over here sitting on the side tables at Central Perk wondering how in HAIL is this they’re-getting-back-together/no-they-aren’t story going to end. Here’s how: Brad is going to be up the altar getting married to Sienna Miller, George Clooney, his sculptures, or some other valued treasure, and say Angelina’s name. Even then, it’s going to take another six seasons and twelve additions to the child army before they start bumping uglies again. GAH!
Canada’s twangier chanteuse, Shania Twain, is taking a page from Cher’s “Farewell Tour!…Just Kidding, Who Knew I Could Rank In This Kinda Cash?!” playbook. She’s coming back with new songs and a new tour, despite her 2015 Rock This Country Tour being billed as her last. Even better, Shania has reached the age where, while she might still don the leopard print, she’s leaving her fucks to give tucked away in the closet.
The ghost of Marie Antoinette is loitering around Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s 40-room French chateau these days cackling, “Let them eat cake in the dark!” The Guardian (via Vanity Fair) reports there has been an ongoing home renovation dispute at Château Miraval…maybe Angelina has decided to embark on an HGTV career, since it doesn’t look like that Cleopatra movie is ever getting made?? Continue reading