Brad Pitt channeled his inner Willard Scott (or Willard Scott’s shady used car selling brother-in-law) to appear on a fake weather segment for The Jim Jefferies Show on Tuesday night. Brad joked on Trump’s decision to pull out of the Paris Agreement last week by saying things were going to get warmer everywhere. Jim Jefferies asked Brad for a future forecast, and he replied: “There is no future.” Oh, too real, Brad.
Is that the shortest late-night cameo Brad has ever made? Could be. Maybe next time Jim can splurge and give him a full minute. That’s if we’re not all underwater fighting over seaweed by then.
Since Brad was talking about climate change, I’d like to know if he did a little recycling after the show. Namely, recycling that weatherman act when he hit the singles bars later that evening. “Hey gorgeous. Things are rising in my pants, and seem like they’ll stay that way well into the early morning. Now why don’t we see what’s going on in your neck of the woods?”
Brad Pitt is in Tokyo promoting his new movie War Machine (I originally typed “Whore Machine,” which is a great title for a Katrashian documentary), and I see that he’s still trying to convince us that he’s renewed and a changed trick by dressing like a born again who was just baptized and now looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. Or maybe Brad isn’t trying to punch our brains with that message again and he just really wanted to look like a Backstreet Boy who can’t let go of the glory days.
Brad Pitt is also a cigarette away from looking like a member of The Guilty Remnant, that cult from The Leftovers. Mr. Jennifer Aniston, Justin Theroux, is on The Leftovers. So I’ll be really disappointed if the tabloids don’t somehow try to link Brad dressed like an extra from The Leftovers to wanting Jen back. Don’t let me down, tabloids!
Brad Pitt’s got a movie to sell, Netflix’s War Machine, which would explain why he’s suddenly back from his post-split hiatus. Last night, Brad made an appearance on Late Night with Stephen Colbert during the reoccurring segment Big Questions With Even Bigger Stars. Brad and Stephen Colbert laid out on a blanket and asked each other deep questions. Surprisingly, one of the questions Stephen asked wasn’t: “What’s that smell? It’s like a dirty shirt took a nap inside a beard sprinkled with nutritional yeast.” Instead it was more like the conversation that would happen after two bros watched Cosmos for the first time.
I bet most famous people would beg their agents not to let anyone film them at such an unflattering angle. But not Brad. Brad was into it, and I’m sure he didn’t leave after they cut to commercial. Plugging movies can be so exhausting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he grabbed the corner of that blanket, rolled into a flannel burrito, and asked “Is it cool if I catch a quick nap here? This fake grass is hella comfy.”
Here’s Brad Pitt arriving at the Late Show in New York yesterday. It’s not know where he was coming from, but based on that outfit, I’d guess he just came from yelling at kids to get off his dang lawn.
Earlier this month, Brad Pitt opened up to GQ Style about his new life as a sober single dad and his initially messy custody battle with Angelina Jolie. Brad was so thorough, publishers could have taken that interview, bound it in book form, and attached a cover that read Brad Pitt’s Current Life for Dummies. There must have been some people who were in a deep coma when his GQ interview was released, because the Associated Press talked to Brad about his upcoming Netflix movie War Machine and he talked about being a changed man again.
Brad Pitt let it be known during his interview with GQ Style that he’s turned a corner in his life, and he’s done with booze and is about his feelings now. Brad talked a lot about how he’s playing nice with Angelina Jolie for the sake of their six kids. He’s gone from being the human version of a slamming screen door to the sound of sea shell wind chimes. There’s another reminder that he and Angie have stopped dragging each other for now.
E! News says that Brad told Angelina about his GQ Style interview before it was published. A source claims Brad is “committed to having a healthy relationship with her” and didn’t want there to be any surprises. The source adds that Brad and Angelina are continuing to “co-parent successfully.”
It’s not known exactly how Brad gave Angelina a heads up about his interview, so it’s all up for speculation at this point. Maybe he called her. Maybe he pinned a note to one of the kids during their weekly hand-off that said “Yo, gonna be in a magazine – Big B.” Whatever happened, it seems like long gone are the days in which this story would include a quote from a source claiming that Brad purposely hid his interview from Angelina because he gets his jollies from picturing her cheekbones vibrate with rage.
When St Angie Jolie said words about the fall of Brangelina in Cambodia in February, she kept it pretty short and let us know that her most private thoughts are still locked in her bulging forehead vein of protection. It’s now Brad Pitt’s turn to say words about everything that’s happened and the human form of Rodin’s The Thinker really spilled out all of his thoughts.
To promote his new movie War Machine for Netflix, Brad did a photo shoot for GQ Style at “America’s Greatest National Parks,” the Everglades, White Sands and Carlsbad Caverns. All of the pictures are here and they look like pictures that an art student would take if they were really inspired by Terrence Malick and wanted to artistically show all the stages of sadness. (In the pictures, Brad Pitt also looks like a fetus who just watched all of Terrence Malick’s movies in a row while totally sober.) They are that emotionally raw. And during the interview, Brad talks about breaking up with Angie, quitting boozing, making HIGH ART, and his kids. My favorite Jolie-Pitt, Jacques Jolie-Pitt, was hanging out during Brad’s interview so I’m sure that many shady bulldog side-eyes were thrown.