Category: Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Have Decided To Put On A “United Front” In Their Custody Fight

January 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Pictured: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie putting on a “united front.”

Last week we learned that St. Angie Jolie’s side has finally co-signed Brad Pitt’s request to protect their children’s privacy by sealing the legal documents in their wreck of a custody fight. But Angie just couldn’t help herself from shanking Brad in the face with her clavicle bone one last time. In documents filed by Angie’s lawyer Laura Wasser, her side said that Brad wanted the court documents sealed because he’s “terrified that the public will learn the truth.” Brad can stop feeling terrified for now, because the two issued a statement saying that they’ve agreed to handle their messy custody fight in private. Uh huh, TMZ, People and The Daily Mail should go ahead and add the key “sources say” to their writers’ keyboards, because they’re going to be using that phrase a lot now that Angie and Brad’s divorce battle has gone private.

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People Were Really Happy To See Brad Pitt Last Night

January 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Brad Pitt has been sort of keeping a low profile while he deals with the never-ending drama of his personal life, but he came out to introduce Moonlight at the Golden Globe awards last night. Apparently the rich and famous of Hollywood were really happy to see Brad Pitt. Some even got out of their chairs and gave him a standing ovation. By the sound of the applause he received, it was as if he had just told everyone that the bar was rimming all shots with coke or that Jon Hamm was giving free horsey rides.

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A Source Says Brad Pitt Has “Traumatized” His Children

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Several weeks ago, Brad Pitt’s team accused Angelina Jolie of emotionally scarring their six children by making the nasty details of their split public. Yesterday we learned that Angie had agreed to Brad’s request to seal the documents pertaining to their custody battle, but not without letting her lawyer Laura Wasser get in one last dramatic dig first. Laura claimed Brad only wanted things sealed because he was terrified the public would know “the truth.” The documents aren’t officially sealed yet, so it shouldn’t exactly comes as a surprised that a source would almost immediately come forward with a not-so-subtle hint about what “the truth” is.

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It All Makes Sense Now, Brad Pitt Is Terrified We’ll All Learn The Truth!

January 4, 2017 / Posted by:

Angelina Jolie has finally agreed to keep the public from seeing legal documents about her six children. Brad Pitt’s side has been trying to get documents in their wreck of a custody fight sealed ever since Angie’s side filed their temporary custody agreement, making it public. We all learned that Brad has to get randomly drug tested four times a month and that all his visits with his kids are being monitored by a therapist. Brad’s side said that Angie’s side is playing a dirty game and is hurting their children by exposing all their messy shit. In her filing yesterday, Angie’s lawyer, THE QUEEN of celebrity divorces Laura Wasser, dropped a dramatic dingle that’ll make Mulder and Scully jump on a plane headed to Los Angeles. Because the truth is out there and Brad is trying to cover it up!

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St. Angie Jolie And The Child Army Spent Their New Year’s In Colorado

January 3, 2017 / Posted by:

It seems like the rich and famous of the world spent their holidays sunning their nipples in Barbados or St. Barts, or working a Chanel ski suit in Aspen. But Angelina Jolie really switched it up by taking her 6 children to Crested Butte, Colorado for New Year’s weekend. Angie probably wanted to go to Crested Butte to see the birthplace and hometown of a superstar artiste who has a million times more talent, natural beauty and charisma than her. I’m talking about the one and only Heidi Montag, of course. I can’t wait to see the video of Angie bowing down in front of Heidi’s childhood home as the child army chorus sings an acoustic version of Higher.

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Angelina Jolie Would Like Brad Pitt To Stop PR Whoring For Christmas

December 24, 2016 / Posted by:

In between her usual holiday activities such as having her child army decorate the United Nations building and choosing which of her 12,025 black dresses to wear at Christmas dinner, Angelina Jolie also completed her holiday wish list. It has but one item – “1. For my ex to stop his lies!.”

Our Lady of the Messy Divorce is reportedly calling “BULLSHIT” on that story about Brad Pitt wanting to have the documents about their custody battle sealed.

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