So how did Peloton decide to deal with their PR crisis, including the Chris Noth mess? Answer: Distract everyone with Christopher Meloni’s nipples! In a new Peloton ad, Chris Meloni poked fun (cut to a bunch of thirsty tricks running off to legally change their name to Fun in hopes that Chris Meloni pokes them next) at his own stories about how he likes to exercise while taint-out naked. He lifts weights while “naked,” does squats while “naked,” and goes ass up “naked” while doing another workout. And I’ve got naked in quotes because there’s a cock-blocking censor box on him the entire time. So if you listen closely right now, you can hear an entire nation screaming in unison, “Fuck you, pixelated box!”  – TVLine

At The Gray Man premiere in Hollywood, Ryan Gosling served “hairstylist circa 1980s Miami who woke up with hungover eyes that were so blurry he didn’t realize his blazer and pants didn’t match when he got dressed” hotness – Lainey Gossip

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Welp. It’s back to the drawing board for whichever Mongolian graphic design firm created the poster for the Genghis Khan movie 1242: Gateway to the West starring Kevin Spacey because he’s not going to be in it after all. Variety reports that even though Kevin has just pleaded not-guilty to the sexual assault charges filed against him in London last month, Gateway the West’s producers apparently feel that Kevin playing innocent would be more of a stretch for audiences than him playing an 11th century Roman Cardinal. Luckily for the design team, they can easily Photoshop James Franco’s head onto Kevin’s body in the poster should he be offered the greatest post-#MeToo comeback role of the year. Unless reportedly broke Armie Hammer goes for it. In which case, we’ve got ourselves a real race for Best Acting Man at the 2023 Gödöllő Moving Photograph And Goulash Festival.

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I thought Grimes and Chelsea Manning getting together was a COVID fever dream I had earlier this year, but, apparently, it was real life. Good for them, I guess? Grimes and Chelsea, both 34, are reportedly living together in- oh! Never mind. Page Six is reporting that they’ve broken up. RIP to this bonkers pairing.

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Ivana Trump (born name: Ivana Marie Zelníčková), businesswoman, author, and first wife of You Know Who, died today in NYC. It seems that Ivana’s death was pretty sudden because TMZ says that paramedics went to Ivana’s home in NYC this afternoon after the NYPD got a call about her going into cardiac arrest. ABC News adds that Ivana was found at the bottom of the stairs of her home. Ivana was 73.

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The New York Post says that before Australian model Jessica Lee hopped on a flight home from Singapore, she bought a foot-long Subway sandwich at the airport. She ate half before she got on the plane, and saved the rest on the flight. Unfortunately, Jessica made two fatal errors: she didn’t end up finishing the sub (I get it, Subway sandwiches are extra-gross when they’re soggy), and she forgot to declare her leftovers when she got to Australian customs. Specifically, she did not declare that she was bringing chicken and lettuce into the country. Since Australia doesn’t fuck around with their bio-security laws, Jessica was fined $2,664 ($1,803 US)! I knew paying so little for those $5 foot-longs would come back to bite us in the ass! Thanks for paying our karmic debt, Jess.

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