Category: You In Trouble
Multiple Firearms Were Seized In An FBI Raid On Jake Paul’s House This Morning (UPDATE)
UPDATE: TMZ says that the raid has to do with Jake Paul getting arrested at the Scottsdale Mall in May during a protest for George Floyd. Jake was accused of using the protest to loot the mall but he denied it.
Jake Paul seems to be in a wee bit more trouble than he usually is. If there’s one thing rich nosy neighbors hate more than unruly house parties in the middle of a global pandemic, it’s a caravan of armored trucks with dozens of police and FBI agents in paramilitary uniform armed to the teeth rolling in on a Wednesday morning setting off everybody’s car alarm. According to ABC7, federal agents raided Jake’s house in Calabasas this morning and found “multiple firearms scattered across the property, including a long gun propped up against a hot tub in the backyard” which were all seized. If you had asked me yesterday which infamous Calabasas home would be the subject of a sealed federal search warrant, well let’s just say, it wouldn’t be this one. Although it would be a close second guess.
The SEC Slapped Steven Seagal With A $300,000 Invoice For Doing Some Shady Bitcoin Promotion
No one knows where wannabe Russian oligarch/Zen master Steven Seagal went after dramatically walking out on that BCC Newsnight interview a couple of years ago after he was asked about multiple allegations of sexual assault, including a rape accusation from 1993 that was recently dismissed due to the statute of limitations. He just yanked out his earpiece and left in a huff. He might have gone to go pick up a shipment of knock-off Sharpies, called Slarpies, that he uses to draw on his hair. I bet brand-name Sharpies are expensive in Russia, where he now lives. He’s got to pinch those pennies where he can because, according to The Washington Post, the Securities and Exchange Commission just hit him with an invoice for $300,000 “to settle charges that he failed to disclose he was being paid to promote a cryptocurrency investment.” And no, they do not accept payment in Bitcoin. You would think a martial arts master of Steven’s caliber would know how to block this move. Maybe he’s not all that good at it evasive maneuvers after all.
Michael Avenatti Has Been Convicted Of Extortion In His Nike Case
And to think, not too long ago Michael Avenatti thought he might fuck around and run for President in 2020. Oh how times have changed. According to CNBC, Michael has just been found guilty on three charges “related to his efforts to extort up to $25 million from athletic apparel giant Nike.” Not that long ago I was comparing Michael to Icarus flying too close to the sun so he could punch it in the face. I guess it’s only fitting that he was ultimately done in by another winged Greek God. Strangled by a Hermes scarf. Such a shame.
Justin Timberlake Possibly Remains In The Doghouse
I don’t know if Justin Timberlake is the type of person to make New Year’s resolutions. But if he is, then there’s only one resolution he should have made for 2020, and that’s to be the type of husband who doesn’t get caught holding hands with women who aren’t his wife. Or maybe he promised not to drink so much that he forgets whose hand he’s holding. The bad news for Justin is that no matter what he has said he was or wasn’t going to do this year, it allegedly hasn’t been enough to placate his wife Jessica Biel.
Prince Andrew Is Stepping Down From His Royal Duties
Too bad Prince Andrew’s “peculiar medical condition” that prevents him from sweating is getting better because right about now, his armpits could double as visual aids should the remaining members of TLC invite him on stage while they perform Waterfalls. Andrew just released a statement announcing that mummy has granted his request to step down from his royal duties “for the foreseeable future” because this whole Jeffrey Epstein bother “has become a major disruption” to his family’s “work” (emphasis mine on that last bit). His family “works” about as well as that BBC Newsnight interview did.
Prince Harry Got Caught On Camera Telling Duchess Meghan To “Turn Around” At Trooping The Colour
Last week, Duchess Meghan took a break from maternity leave to attend the annual Trooping the Colour. While on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, Meghan was seen turning around to look at Prince Harry, and that might have been a royal no-no, because Harry checked her.