It’s been one month since Master Archie was pulled out of Duchess Meghan’s body and began his completely ordinary life of never hearing the words, “Sorry, it declined. Got another card?“, sipping gin-spiked juice from his great-grandmama THE QUEEN on his third birthday, wearing the finest Mary Janes money can buy, and getting to call Prince Hot Ginge daddy. Meghan was resting her swollen parts while on maternity leave, but pressed pause on that for a second to do her job of waving and smiling at her subjects in a parade. No, the parade wasn’t to celebrate Trump leaving the UK.
The parade was to celebrate THE QUEEN’S birthday. THE QUEEN turned 93 on April 21st, but since she’s THE FUCKING QUEEN (I think that’s her official title, honestly) she gets two birthdays, and today is Trooping The Colour, the official celebration of her born day. There’s a parade, an air show, and THE QUEEN “inspects” her troops. It’s a shame that I’ll probably be dead when Prince George does his “inspection” of his troops, because you know he’s going to be brutal and order the be-footing of troops whose shoes don’t tickle his corneas with their shininess.
At last year’s Trooping The Colour, Duchess Meghan caused Buckingham Palace to crumble into a pile of dust from the indecency of her bareback shoulders. Buckingham Palace has since been rebuilt, and Meghan decided not to destroy the monarchy with her bareback shoulders again, and instead covered them up with a salon smock made by Givenchy. Meghan and PHG rode in their own carriage last year, but this year they carriage-pooled with Duchess Kate and Duchess Camilla.
— Press Association (@PA) June 8, 2019
Meghan also wore a new ring, which could’ve been a “push present” or a first anniversary gift from PHG:
Meghan is wearing a third ring on her ring finger – a delicate pave-set band – alongside her engagement and wedding rings. pic.twitter.com/I9I4tvnF8t
— Meghans Mirror (@MeghansMirror) June 8, 2019
Whatever, poke at me when we get up-close pictures of PHG’s delicate pave-set cock ring.
Like they do at every Trooping The Colour, the royal family gathered on the balcony of Buckingham Palace to watch the air show. Prince Philip sat this one out again (because he’s pretty much retired form public life) and Master Archie stayed at home too. But Prince Louis made his Buckingham Palace balcony debut. As Prince George looked down at all of the peasants who will have to bow down to him one day, Prince Louis busted out a Pooping The Colour Brown in his diaper royale.
Prince Louis, who wore one of Uncle Harry’s hand-me-downs, was more into it later on and debuted his royal wave:
— Charlie Proctor (@MonarchyUK) June 8, 2019
Snooty ass royals will probably give Prince Louis’ royal wave an F, but I give it an A++++, because I’m all about the “furiously washing the car windshield after downing ten coffees” wave. Bravo, Louis!