Gird Your Loins And Neck: HBO Is Bringing “True Blood” Back

Gratuitous titties, ass and dicks are about to make a comeback in a big way. Variety reports that HBO is rebooting True Blood, the show that put the “erection” in resurrection. And it’s being developed by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, the man who put the “erection” in Archie Andrews’ pants when he created Riverdale. Alan Ball, the show’s original showrunner, will return as an executive producer.

Continue reading

Manila Luzon Showed Off The Maxi-Pad Dress That “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Producers Wouldn’t Let Her Wear 

RuPaul’s Drag Race is crass, tacky, and ridiculous. And that’s a big part of why it’s a hit. We’re not watching it for our health! We’re in it for the sweaty puns, the thirsty sexual innuendos, and the pretend back-stabbing. We are also in it for the artistry, the sickening looks, and the lols, all three of which All-Stars Season 4 cuntestant Manila Luzon consistently delivers. Fans of the show probably remember her most recent runway look, a quilted pink Louis XIV inspired ensemble for the “Curves and Swerves” challenge. Well that look wasn’t her first choice. Manila recently ruvealed on Instagram that her first choice was a maxi-pad inspired number, and it was vetoed by Ru Paul for being in “bad taste.” That made me say, “I’m sorry, cum again? Have you seen your show?”

Continue reading

This Was Almost Your “True Blood” Vampire Beehl

I must admit, I was one of those suckers who watched True Blood to the bitter, fairy dusted, laughably accented end. It wasn’t perfect, ok, it wasn’t “good”, but it filled my eyes with many sexy butts plus Lafayette (RIP Nelsan), so I’ll never regret the time I spent in Bon Temps. Turns out, it could have been a lot worse! TB creator Alan Ball spoke about the show on the occasion of its 10th anniversary and revealed that Vampire Beehl was almost played by an alien. Sadly/thankfully, the world was robbed of its opportunity to see Benedict Cumberbatch’s cumberbiscuits when the role of Bill Compton went to Stephen Moyer instead.

Continue reading

Stan Lee Is Accusing A Former Business Associate Of Stealing His Blood

Here’s a caper and a half for you: Apparently, one of Stan Lee’s former business associates had an internship with Hannibal Lecter only instead of creating elaborate tableaux from human flesh, Stan thinks this unnamed sir or madame stole his blood in order to make commemorative Marvel pens that write real blood. I know, right? What the fuck!

Continue reading

Bless HBO: This Is The Reason Why Motion Picture Recording Devices Were Invented

TRUE BLOOD SPOILER ALERT: But really, if you haven’t watched last night’s episode, then this is probably a spoiler that your down low parts want to be alerted to.

Bless the genius soul who shouted, “HOT GAY SEX!“, during a meeting when all the other producers and writers asked, “How in the hell are we going to fix this mess of a show?” Hot gay sex is always the answer to every single question. Some True Blood watchers are probably picking dried panty pudding nuggets out of their carpet this morning, because a quick minute into last night’s episode, HBO became the gay Skinemax channel and it was beautiful. Jason Stackhouse (Side note: Jason Stackhouse could totally play a young Dubya in a gay porn parody) had another gay wet dream and his latest one starred Panty Creamer Hall of Famer and giant viking vampire sex god Eric.

If every TV in the world shut down and stopped working, it would be okay, because the greatest scene in the history of television has aired and all the TV people can go home now. Their jobs are done. Someone said on another blog that the scene was completely unnecessary and totally pandering, but they need to be slapped twice across the face with the definition of “unnecessary,” because that Sean Cody with mood lighting scene was completely necessary. Ask all the slobbering v-holes and b-holes out there. There was even a major plot twist. Jason is a top!

Thank you to everyone who took part in creating the camera. Thank you to everyone who took part in creating HBO. Thank you to everyone who took part in creating ASkars. And I even want to thank everyone who took part in creating that cheesy background music. Because together, they created this beautiful, beautiful fanfiction come-to-life scene that is relevant to all of my interests. The only way it could’ve been better is if a naked Alcide busted through the wall and he and Eric spit roasted Jason. I’m sure the writers are saving that for the finale. Keep the pandering coming!

And it would be a perfect season if every episode was full of nothing but Jason’s wet dreams. Correction: It would be a perfect season if one episode showed Soooookeh and Beeeehl dying slow deaths and the rest of the episodes were full of nothing but Jason’s wet dreams.

The only video I found on YT is drowning in music, so it’s best if you watch it on mute with a tub of lube by your side.

Open Post: Hosted By Joe ManJello In A Suit

Until I saw these pictures from the premiere party for the final season of True Blood, I completely forgot True Blood was coming back. Those bitches better not mess it up and by that I mean they better kill off pretty much everyone in the first 20 seconds of the first episode and the rest of the season should be nothing but Joe ManJello and ASkars dancing naked together in the snow. Okay they can keep Lafayette and Pam too.

Sadly, ASkars wasn’t at last night’s premiere thing, but Lafayette was there in a bow tie so big that it looked like it was eating his neck and Joe ManJello wore a suit that was once worn by a giant gorilla who played the banker in an old timey silent movie western. Joe ManJello in a suit always makes me laugh, because he never looks that comfortable and it looks like all that material is squeezing his giant muscles. It’s like trying to put one of Justin Bieber’s condoms on The Hammaconda. Joe ManJello’s suit is probably held together with Tyvek thread so it doesn’t come ripping off when he raises his arm. What I’m saying is that Tyvek should’ve never been invented and Joe ManJello should rip off that suit and free his muscles and nipples. It’s only natural.

Pics: Wenn.com