This Was Almost Your “True Blood” Vampire Beehl

November 21, 2018 / Posted by:

I must admit, I was one of those suckers who watched True Blood to the bitter, fairy dusted, laughably accented end. It wasn’t perfect, ok, it wasn’t “good”, but it filled my eyes with many sexy butts plus Lafayette (RIP Nelsan), so I’ll never regret the time I spent in Bon Temps. Turns out, it could have been a lot worse! TB creator Alan Ball spoke about the show on the occasion of its 10th anniversary and revealed that Vampire Beehl was almost played by an alien. Sadly/thankfully, the world was robbed of its opportunity to see Benedict Cumberbatch’s cumberbiscuits when the role of Bill Compton went to Stephen Moyer instead.

According to Vulture, Benedict as Vampire Bill wasn’t the only near miss when it came to casting the show. Jessica Chastain almost put a cooch juice stain on her immaculately highbrow resume by auditioning to play Sookie Stackhouse. Anna Paquin as Sookeh had her titties out a lot on that show and I’m really trying to imagine the dry ass couch sex Cumberbatch and Chastain would have had. Because as ridiculous as their accents and dialog were, there’s no ignoring the fact that Anna and Stephen had chemistry. Alan confirms they had a spark from the beginning.

Talking about the Sookie/Bill chemistry that evolved into the real life relationship and marriage between Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer, Ball said he told Paquin that when Bill stares at Sookie in the scene at Merlotte’s near the end of the first episode, “she has to feel it in her vagina.” And apparently, she did!

My vagina was never moved by Beehl, but it nearly created a universe inhaling vacuum whenever Alcide the werewolf (in the near perfect form of Joe Manganiello) showed up. And speaking of were-creatures, Alan also revealed that Jennifer Lawrence auditioned to be a “werepanther girl” in season 3, which if I’m honest, is where I think things really started going off the rails. Yet I continued to watch for another 4 years!

Benedict, Jessica and Jennifer better be thanking their lucky stars they failed their TB auditions. I think all would agree that everything worked out for the best. TB was so deeply flawed but the show’s constant dangling of man-meat kept me going. I was glad when it finally went off the air, but I was also sad. HBO may still do butts and boobs, but we’ll probably never see Alexander Skarsgard’s dick with the same frequency again.


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