Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has given birth once more. The Jersey Shore-er and her husband, Jionni LaValle, welcomed a new baby boy into their mad house early this morning and they already gave the exclusive to People. What a scoop! Now there are three human children that Snooki is responsible for. Luckily, she actually seems like the most responsible of the Jersey Shore cast. But that’s not saying much.
We all know Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino was hiding coin (lots of coin) from Uncle Sam, and Uncle Sam is that bitch who reads your phone and goes through your mail when you sleep. It didn’t take the government long to charge Mike with tax fraud, and he went to the slammer in January. We haven’t heard much from The Sitch since then, but luckily he’s on a reality show with major blabbermouths. Snooki was interviewed recently and gave an update on Mike. Surprisingly, he’s viewing prison like a stay at Club Med.
Obviously nothing can ever top the legendary sequinned charisma of Lil’ Kim’s purple nipple cover at the 1999 MTV VMA’s, but that’s not nearly a good enough excuse for people not to try. An iconic look is like rolling dice; you might wear something that ends up in one of those Best Looks of ALL TIME galleries for the rest of the internet’s existence, or you might be just wearing clothing. Cardi B could have shocked eyes by showing up in big hair, a dramatic cape, and no pants, but – yawn – been there, done that. Instead, Cardi B made her first red carpet appearance since giving birth last month in a purple gown by Nicolas Jebran and a pussycat wig. Cardi is giving me eccentric Beverly Hills housewife at a charity gala trying to steal the spotlight from her rival Bitsy Saint Claire. Wait a second – rich, attention-getting, short dark hair, daughter’s name spelled with an unnecessary K? Kris Jenner must be so flattered right now.
Like covers of “Imagine,” that “Melrose Place” reboot and fanny packs, sometimes it’s best to just let the original speak for itself…and never try to revive it. So when word got out that the same production team behind Jersey Shore were heading to the Florida Panhandle to revive it in the form of Floribama Shore, some people thought that might not work. Especially the original Jersey Shore wrecks cast. Continue reading
The first trailer for the Jersey Shore reunion was released, and anyone with any marketing know-how would have done this trailer right. They would have opened it with old b&w footage of former Jersey Shore hobbitess (and current thinner Jersey Shore hobbitess) Snooki celebrating pickles back in the day and how much she loves
those dick substitutes them. And then new 2017 footage of a svelte Snooki talking about how she might have lost weight but she still loves those dick substitutes pickles! It would hearken back to the old days, and comfort the viewer by showing nothing’s changed that much. Then again, it’s E! and all of their marketing intelligentsia are on the Kardashian project and mostly concerned with making that family palatable to humans. Continue reading
Former HSOTD Baddie Winkle has come a long way! Just a couple of years ago, she was bestowing her wisdom on home wrecking, the good shit and being a slut to her growing number of disciples, and yesterday, she was the biggest star at the MTV VMAs. That last part was served without a sliver of sarcasm in it. She truly was the biggest star there. Fun fact: That carpet wasn’t white before Baddie stepped on it. As soon as she sashayed in, everyone busted bright white nuts all over the place.
When Baddie Winkle showed up to the VMAs in Britney’s Toxic catsuit and a Liberace-approved pimp cane, a few hating haters I follow on Twitter spewed out shit like, “Madonna is up to her old tricks again.” Well, I never! How dare they! Baddie Winkle is a true original and only she can work the hell out of a pimp cane and a jumpsuit that looks like it’s covered with a unicorn’s syphilis rash. Besides, Baddie’s look is more like, “Phyllis Diller after dropping acid with Miley Cyrus at a circus-themed rave on the outskirts of Las Vegas,” and that IS the look.
Here’s more of the hottest trick at the VMAs, and I also threw in a few pictures of my other favorite looks of the night including Ansel Elgort looking like a patient in the Hot Topic Insane Asylum and a goth mannequin they tell me is JWoww. Although, I am pretty sure it’s really a creation that Dr. Frankenstein made using the DNA of Kat Von D and Morticia Addams. It’s Morticia Von D!