Robin Thicke Temporarily Lost Custody Of His Son

Over the weekend, J. Harvey posted a video of an ugly scene outside of Paula Patton’s home in Calabasas, CA. No, Robin Thicke was not trying to win his estranged wife back by holding a boombox that played a song from his failed album Paula. It was uglier than that. The police were called to Paula’s house because she refused to let Robin take their 6-year-old son Julian for a visit. The cops spoke to Julian, who allegedly said that he was scared to leave with his dad. Robin ended up leaving without his son. Cut to today when Robin and Paula were both in a court room in Los Angeles to tussle for temporary sole custody of their child.

The hearing ended with Robin not getting what he wanted. We also learned that the Department of Children and Family Services has opened an investigation against Paula for emotional abuse. And Paula also accused Robin of Ike Turner-ing her during their marriage. Oh, how I long for the more innocent days when celebrity divorce scandals were about nothing more than tales of wandering dick.

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Robin Thicke Wasn’t Allowed To Take His Son From Paula Patton’s House

Things have escalated quickly in the surprise Robin Thicke and Paula Patton custody battle.

Marvin Gaye fan, Robin, rolled up on his ex-wife’s home yesterday morning, accompanied by the L.A. county sheriff’s deputies. He was also clutching a court order in his ass-prospectin’ hand that said he could have time with his 6-year-old son, Julian. The cops went in, and TMZ reports that Julian told them he didn’t want to go with dad because he was scared of him. The deputies came out and told Robin they weren’t going to take Julian against his will.

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Robin Thicke Has Been Accused Of Child Abuse

Paula Patton filed for divorce from human pantyliner Robin Thicke more than two years ago, but things have recently gotten very messy between the two of them. I didn’t think it was possible for the situation between Paula and Robin to get worse than that awful album he made to try to win her back, but it has.

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Ciara’s Goodies Almost Made A Break For It Last Night

Oh, don’t mind Russell Wilson; he’s just been trying so hard not to stare into Ciara’s front no no hole that he’s fallen into some kind of catatonic state. I’m sure he’s fine.

If there’s one night of the year when a famous type can throw out everything they know about class, taste, style, common sense, and Spanx, it’s the Grammys. I’m pretty sure if you look on your invitation, the dress code is simply a picture of Toni Braxton from the 43rd Grammy Awards. Unfortunately, only a handful of people observed the dress code and came barely-draped in their tacky finest. The most elegant of which was Ciara, who showed up in a table runner held together with a bunch of ribbons and damn near flashed everyone her panty goodies.

I’m not sure why Ciara and Russell Wilson were at the Grammys, since she hasn’t been nominated for one in six years and he doesn’t sing, but I’m really glad they did. Otherwise, we might have missed out on Ciara’s gorgeously trampy formal nightgown thing. Ciara looks like a slutty Miami dancer (I’ll let you decide what kind of dancer) named Porquoi? who works for diamonds and really really wants to fuck Scarface, and I’m into it.

With that being said, if this is how Ciara dresses now, I can’t wait to see what kind of high-end classiness $15 million lawsuit winner Ciara shows up in next year.

Of course, there were a few close seconds in terms of pure class and elegance, like Joy Villa and the always stunning Z LaLa (who came dressed like an IKEA As-Is section version of Cher). On the other end of the spectrum was Dancia, who said “Fuck it” to sexy and covered herself in whatever she could grab from Nicki Minaj’s storage locker from 2010 and glue to her pink onesie.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Emily Ratajkowski Pretty Much Hates The Video For Blurred Lines

“Welcome to the club” said everyone whose eyes could barely stand watching Robin Thicke’s smug dirtbag face (seen above three times, and yes, I apologize for that) smug around on camera for 4 minutes and 31 seconds.

Even though Emily Ratajkowski owes her current career as a model-slash-actress to the words “The snotty-looking chick from the Blurred Lines video“, Emily Ratajkowski would like you to know she curses that video and spits on the ground every time her brain reminds her that she was in it. Emily took a long, hard wet fart on “Blurred Lines” during an interview with InStyle UK:

“I wasn’t into the idea at all at first. I think I came off as a bit annoyed in the video. Now, it’s the bane of my existence. When anyone comes up to me about Blurred Lines, I’m like, are we seriously talking about a video from three years ago?”

Okay, so that explains why she looks like she’d rather be getting a pap smear with a busted speculum than prancing around with her tits out (NSFW) with Alan’s son on a sound stage. Speaking of doctor’s visits, I totally believe that “Blurred Lines” is still a major pain in the ass for her. I imagine her gyno is like “Emily, I know you shot the Blurred Lines video three years ago, but I must warn you that skin-to-skin contact with Robin Thicke means you are still at risk for second-hand douche poisoning. Sometimes the symptoms don’t show up right away. For example, I noticed you were in a movie about douchey professional DJs. That concerns me.”

Here’s more of that chick from the Blurred Lines video that chick from We Are Your Friends (is that really better Emily?) working some emo Little House on the Prairie vibes for InStyle UK.

Pics: InStyle

Robin Thicke Wanted Miley Cyrus As Naked As Possible For Their MTV VMAs Performance, So Says Miley Cyrus

After a thick layer of vomit covered our eyeballs from watching a cracked-out bootleg Harley Quinn scoot her chicken paillard ass against the crotch of Beetledouche, Robin Thicke tried to act like he was all innocent and had no idea that Miley Cyrus was going to dry hump his dick with her butt. The tampon in aviators said at the time that he wasn’t even paying attention and was looking up when Miley’s ass cheeks became one with his crotch. But Miley says otherwise.

In the same New York Times interview where declared that she’s a master statistic knower, The pansexual genderqueer chipmunk says that Robin knew exactly what was going to happen during their 2013 VMAs performance and she also says that he would’ve been happier if she took the stage in a whole lot of nothing:

“I didn’t really know him too much before, and I don’t really know him now. It was funny, because I got so much of the heat for it, but that’s just being a woman. He acted like he didn’t know that was going to happen. You were in rehearsals! You knew exactly what was going to happen. And he was actually the one that approved my outfit, so I thought that was very funny. He wanted me as naked as possible, because that’s how his video was. It was very much a collaboration. My part — ‘We Can’t Stop’ — was all me. But when it went into ‘Blurred Lines,’ that was his performance.”

The outfit that Miley wore during that performance is demure and conservative compared to what she wears (or doesn’t wear) today. Today, that outfit would be considered her “going to Sunday morning mass at a Catholic church full of strict abuelitas” outfit. I’m not exactly clutching my anal beads in shock over Miley saying that Robin played dumb, but what I want to know is, who approved his busted suit? Because that is the ho who needs to be tried for their sins.

And here’s the breathing epitome of smarmy in NYC on Wednesday.

Pics: Splash, Getty