Category: Princess Beatrice
Princesses Beatrice And Eugenie Could Pick Up The Royal Slack Left By Prince Harry And Meghan Markle
Hello! Magazine says that now that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have quit their “jobs” as full-time royals and will mostly live in Canada, someone has to take over their roles of waving and smiling at the peasants at the opening of a park, or something. One royal biographer believes that Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, the daughters of The Original Fergie and Prince Andrew, will be moved up from B royals to A royals and put their waving hands to good use.
Princess Beatrice Probably Won’t Have A Lavish Royal Wedding
Usually the lead-up to a royal wedding includes at least 12 months worth of stories about how hours of hand-beading imported crystals it will take to complete the gown and which of Queen Elizabeth’s jeweled tiaras will be chosen to compliment the buttercream roses on the wedding cake. And when the big day arrives, there are (usually) thousands of photographers and people lining the streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of the royal couple, or at the very least, Oprah. But when Princess Beatrice gets married to her Italian aristocrat fiancé Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi this year, it’s probably going to be a whole lot less extravagant than what you’d expect. And she’s partially got daddy to thank for that.
Princess Beatrice’s Engagement Party Happened But Her Dad Prince Andrew Didn’t Attend
I guess Prince Andrew was too full of mummy’s turkey to attend his daughter’s engagement party last night. I can’t think of a single other reason he wouldn’t have been there. Oh well, tryptophan strikes again! Princess Beatrice and Edoardo “Edo” Mapelli Mozzi’s engagement party was held last night at Chiltern Firehouse, as originally planned. It was previously reported that the party had been cancelled due to the lack of privacy at the London venue because Bea didn’t want the paparazzi standing outside screaming “Andrew! Andrew! Look over here!” all night. Although he was in attendance at The Queen‘s annual pre-Christmas turkey lunch held earlier that day, Andrew was unable to attend the engagement party, presumably because he has another rare medical condition, one that gives him explosive diarrhea if he has even a bite of mummy’s turkey. Problem solved! The party was back on, and Andrew, again, presumably, spent the evening shitting his brains out and berating his footman to “wipe faster, you fool!” Obviously this is just a guess, why else would he miss it!? You can’t tell me Falklands war hero Prince Andrew is afraid of a couple of paparazzo. It’s not like he has anything to hide.
Princess Beatrice Postponed Her Engagement Party Because She Was Afraid Photographers Would Swarm Her Dad
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that not everything in Prince Andrew’s life is a shit show at the moment. Sure, most of it is. I bet Andrew wakes up every morning to the sound of a text alert from Prince Charles that reads, “You better hope the press catches Anne doing something cute today, you stupid shite.” Of course, it’s not all bad, his daughter Princess Beatrice is getting married. But Andrew’s drama has already managed to stink that up too. And he continues to be the reason Princess Beatrice probably wishes she could just elope at the courthouse in secret.
Prince Andrew’s Daughters Beatrice And Eugenie Are Said To Be “Deeply Distressed” But Remain Loyal
This was finally supposed to be Princess Beatrice’s year. If her daddy Prince Andrew could have just kept his dumb mouth shut a little while longer, his involvement in the what I’ll now call “The Epstein Bother”, might have blown over in time for Bea to have the wedding of her dreams. As it stands, Bea will be lucky to get that Pizza Express in Woking to cater the event because according to The Daily Beast, Princess Bea’s wedding to Italian property tycoon Edo Mapelli Mozzi, will be “among the first casualties of Andrew’s new reduced status.” All the same, Bea and her sister Princess Eugenie are sticking by Andrew despite being “deeply distressed”, which is slightly better than “appalled” but not nearly as good as “scandalized!”
Princess Beatrice Is Getting Married
Well it looks like Queen Elizabeth’s damage control fixers and public relations specialists are getting a much-needed break this week. Because for the first time in a long time, members of the Royal Family have made the news in a way that doesn’t have The Queen reaching for a cold glass of gin and some Tylenol. First there was Baby Archie, making his official royal baby family tour debut with his parents in South Africa, and he didn’t spit up or shit his pants or smash a cupcake into a peasant’s face. And today, we’ve got the news that Princess Beatrice is “so excited” to announce that she’s gotten engaged to her rich property tycoon boyfriend Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi.