Category: Piers Morgan
Farewell To The Word “Nasty”! You Had A Good Run
The word “nasty” used to be a hot one. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear your piece call you a “nasty sissy boy cum dumpster” before they spit in your face and choke you out? What!? Just me?! Okay, but now the word “nasty” is hot no more, and it’s all thanks to Donald Trump. Nothing will give your dick slit a case of cotton mouth or make your cooze beat the Dry Valleys in Antarctica for the title of the driest place on Earth like Trump saying the word “nasty.” And he’s been saying it a lot lately.
While in the UK, Trump did an interview with Piers Morgan for Good Morning Britain, and said that he never called Duchess Meghan nasty and only said she was nasty to him. WARNING: The clip after the cut contains Trump spitting out the word nasty several times. So keep an IV drip full of fluids near your down-low parts, because they’re gonna need it.
Madonna Caused Some Controversy, Of Course, With Her Eurovision Performance
The Gay Olympics AKA the annual Eurovision Song Contest took place in Tel Aviv yesterday. Duncan Laurence from the Netherlands sat at a piano and boringly sang a song called “Arcade” to a droplight from Ikea and won. Meanwhie, Madonna’s got a new album to shill, and despite getting criticism for agreeing to perform in Israel, she popped up to Gregorian chant sing some songs. Being Madge, she had to mark her territory with some controversy, according to Vulture.
Mel B Thought Lady Gaga And Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow” Performance Was Disrespectful
Look, we all knew Lady Gaga was going to be extra as hell last night. And praise Jeebus, she did not disappoint. From her emotionally overwrought yet ultimately trite acceptance speech for Best Original Song, to her bold choice to bring a Glidden paint swatch in Tangerine Dream to her stylist and say “match this”, Lady Gaga was doing the most, to say the least. So of course, when her BIG MOMENT came, and she and Bradley Cooper took to the stage to perform Shallow, she took the performance to the next level. I should say “they”, but I think we all know who was really “directing”. There were lingering stares, there were orgasmic undulations, and by the end, there was intimate canoodling which some people thought was TOO HOT FOR NETWORK TV AND DISRESPECTFUL TO BRADLEY’S GIRLFRIEND. Well, that’s what Mel B thought at least. Yes, that Mel B.
Ariana Grande And Piers Morgan Made Nice
If I had matched the Beatles record by getting three top three songs on the Billboard Hot 100, you can bet my ass would spend a night blowing my latest royalty check on booze, poutine, and, uh, entertainment at one of Montreal’s finest male strip clubs. In the case of Ariana Grande, she celebrated with a two-hour chat with society’s perennial butt wart, Piers Morgan. Despite their earlier feminist/nudity beef, these two actually seem to be getting along. Gag.
Piers Morgan Has Been Accused Of Faking His Recent Hospital Stay
Piers Morgan recently posted a selfie in the hospital, leading to premature cheers from his detractors celebrating his impending demise. However, Piers is not deathly ill and claims he just has a little upset tummy wummy after eating a vegan sausage roll live on tellie. Since this is Piers we’re talking about, people are calling BS on his reasons for skipping class and going to the nurse’s office, as he’s been on an anti-vegan kick this month in protest of “Veganuary.” Strange issue for Piers to choose as his latest soap box stance, but hey, stunt queens gotta stunt. Continue reading
Piers Morgan Tried To Drag A Vegan Sausage Roll
Piers Morgan, a grown-ass British man who is the breathing version of “Can I speak to your manager,” clearly isn’t getting enough attention. Piers closed out 2018 by bemoaning how Daniel Craig was carrying his daughter in a papoose, how Ariana Grande uses her boobies to sell records, and sarcastically how Dick Van Dyke has an un-PC name. This year’s first Piers feud is with a vegan wrap. Considering how I’d rather talk to a vegan sausage roll than Piers Morgan, can we call this feud before it even gets going?