If I had matched the Beatles record by getting three top three songs on the Billboard Hot 100, you can bet my ass would spend a night blowing my latest royalty check on booze, poutine, and, uh, entertainment at one of Montreal’s finest male strip clubs. In the case of Ariana Grande, she celebrated with a two-hour chat with society’s perennial butt wart, Piers Morgan. Despite their earlier feminist/nudity beef, these two actually seem to be getting along. Gag.
The Cut says after Ari became the first artist in a half century to notch that Billboard record, she apparently ran into her former social media troll and decided to make nice with his ass. Piers first tweeted this out:
So… we bumped into each other in a LA restaurant, she joined me for ‘a chat’ & 2 hours later we were still chatting. We laughed, we argued, she cried, I nearly did, the drinks flowed & we bonded. Turns out we really like each other. Weird. Thank u @ArianaGrande – next? pic.twitter.com/pNJ7pDi0at
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 20, 2019
Piers had initially tweeted to Ari, thanking her for a great night, but most people figured he had mixed the wrong recipe for his nightly Ovaltine since, well, those two seemed to despise each other. Piers came for Little Mix for posing practically naked. Ari’s mom first came for Piers, but then he went off on how Little Mix should sell records with talent and not nudity “just like your daughter does.” It wasn’t until Piers tweeted the above photo that I bought that he had actually broken bread with THEE Ariana Grande.
I still don’t know how you just run into someone and have time for a two-hour chat, but I guess Ari figured that if Piers can convince enough of his deplorable followers to listen to her music, she might be able to nab FOUR top spots and be the Yoko Ono to the band and their record. I still wasn’t totally convinced Ari was down for this talk. I mean, he’s an old tabloid editor, so maybe he had dirt on her…like that she’s a lying snake and that Pete Davidson’s “big” peen is really as small as the tiny barbecue she has tatted on her body. Wellp, even her ass seems to have had a good time at their long-ass meeting:
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) February 20, 2019
If Ariana manages to make Piers wear a pussy hat and subscribe to Ms. Magazine, get allegedly good peen, AND pry awards away from 1960s boy bands, I’m really going to have drinking whatever it is her ass was raised on in Boca Raton.