Elizabeth Holmes is headed to prison… soon. Maybe. Eventually. The Theranos fraudster was supposed to start serving her 11-year sentence on April 27, but she got it delayed with a last-minute appeal. Yesterday, The New York Times published a series of interviews with her entitled, “Liz Holmes Wants You to Forget About Elizabeth.” It’s the first time Elizabe- sorry, LIZ has spoken with the media since 2016, and Business Insider described the piece as an obvious attempt to rehabilitate her public image before she heads to the clink.
Janet Jackson Doesn’t Want Anything To Do With The New York Times Documentary About Her Super Bowl Halftime Show
Back in March, The New York Times, in association with Hulu and FX, dropped Framing Britney Spears, a documentary that looked to effectively re-write the narrative surrounding Britney Spears’ 13-year-long conservatorship. And yeah, mission accomplished. The next person The New York Times was hoping to reputationally rehab with a documentary is Janet Jackson, whose career seemingly took a sudden nosedive after her 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, in which one of her titties was exposed after Justin Timberlake yanked at her costume. Last week, The New York Times finally dropped Malfunction: The Dressing Down of Janet Jackson. I’m sure it’s not too much of a stretch to assume that Justin Timberlake wants nothing to do with Malfunction. But according to Miss Jackson’s former stylist, Janet doesn’t want to be involved with Malfunction either.
Since everyone has seen that 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show image enough times to have seared itself into human memory forever, I thought I’d remind you what the rest of Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl Halftime Show performance looked like, and wow did I ever forget that the opening number was A Clockwork Dance Crew themed. The reason I probably forgot was because that whole Halftime Show was eclipsed by the surprise removal of Janet’s snap-on nipple cover by one grabby former ramen-haired boy bander, Justin Timberlake. Since that grab, and the subsequent exposed nipple, we’ve seen Justin’s career skyrocket while Janet appeared to experience a much quieter time, career-wise. And in later years, a whole lot of people have come to realize that Janet was done absolutely filthy. And so, much like they have previously done to help expose the truth about Britney Spears, The New York Times has decided to vindicate Miss Jackson’s professional reputation with a documentary all about the media’s role after that Halftime Show.
I hope Alison Roman spent some of her time off baking a batch of “The Cookies” to put in the gift basket she owes Lana Del Rey as a thank you for acting as a human shield this week. Thanks to Lana, things are almost back to normal wherein Alison Roman’s existence is but a mere fact filed in the back of my mind like a can of chickpeas in my pantry that I keep forgetting about until I go to put away the new can I just bought like shit, now I have six. Yesterday, Alison tested the waters with a post confirming her leave from the New York Times by directing her followers to her newsletter. She also let us know that even though you’ve spent the past few weeks forgetting who she was, she’s been stewing (yes I did, deal with it) over her situation “24/7.”