Category: Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle And Prince Harry Are Reportedly Butting Heads With Netflix Over Cuts They Want To Make To Their Docuseries
Since America famously did an entire revolution so we wouldn’t have to concern ourselves with whatever it is King Charles III gets up to in his free time, it’s flummoxing to me that his son and his son’s wife, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, seem fixated on becoming the American Royalty they so obviously think we need, when we already have the Kardashians, the American Royalty we so obviously deserve. Our interest in The Sussexes is for entertainment purposes only, so if they’re not going to serve us up a heaping Hungry Man helping of revolutionary schadenfreude by reminding us why we bounced in the first place, then what use are they to us?
Sources Say King Charles III May Permanently Exile Prince Harry From England
Watch out Great Britain and its Commonwealth subsidiaries; there’s a new sheriff in town. And by sheriff, I of course mean unelected figurehead of an archaic, parasitic institution still perpetuating the myth of the divine right of kings. God’s newest special baby, King Charles III, ain’t your mum’s monarch. You won’t find old Chuckie Trips cooing at corgis and coddling his kids like his mother THE QUEEN. According to The Daily Beast, Chuckie Trips don’t play when it comes to his wayward son Prince Harry, and he’s about to get medieval on his ass. Or, more accurately, he’s reportedly prepared to go Prewar Era on Harry’s ass by having him “permanently exiled” from the kingdom, much like his great uncle King Edward VIII was after abdicating the throne in 1936. And Harry’s not the only Royal who might find themselves on the smooshy underside of Chuckie Trip’s iron fist. His brother Prince Andrew is reportedly stressed that Charles is going to kick him and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson out of their 31-bedroom Royal Lodge house in Windsor now that mum isn’t around to shield him with her ample bosom. Damn, if I knew Charles was gonna be this ruthless, I wouldn’t have had all those ball caps made that read “Make The Crown That Bitch Again.”
THE QUEEN’S Corgis, Sandy And Muick, Were Brought Out To Watch Her Funeral Procession Arrive At Windsor Castle
Now that THE QUEEN’S farewell tour is over, body language experts and lip readers are probably soaking their overworked eyeballs in a Calgon bath right now after over a week of analyzing every teeny tiny move made by the Royal Family for any sign of drama. But before THE QUEEN arrived at her final resting place, King George VI memorial chapel, several of her beloved pets, including her last corgis, were brought out to say goodbye to her for one final time. And I don’t need to be a corgi body language expert to tell you that THE QUEEN’s last corgis, Sandy and Muick, were watching their human’s funeral procession while hoping that she’d jump out of her coffin, say, “PYSCH, I just wanted to fuck with Chuck,” before scooping them up and taking them far, far away from you know who.
Prince Harry Paid Tribute To THE QUEEN In A Statement After Reuniting With Prince William For A Walkaround Outside Of Windsor Castle
Today, as the world’s most famous gran, THE QUEEN, is prepared to be laid to rest, her immediate family continue to be stiff weirdos about the whole thing so don’t expect any of them to make a scene (on purpose). All “scenes” have been carefully orchestrated and painstakingly choreographed from the costumes to the statements all the way down to the body language of THE QUEEN’s grandsons, the heir and the spare, Prince William and Prince Harry. Over the weekend, the two princes put the Spin in the Spin Doctors when they appeared side-by-side for the first time in public since Harry and his wife Meghan Markle stopped attending family functions due to security concerns, which is understandable if you are in the mafia, even a very genteel one.
King Charles III Gave His First Speech As Monarch
In case you spent your day yesterday under a rock without any Wi-Fi or worms in sight (because even worms know this news), THE QUEEN died at 96 after a 70-year reign. That meant that the royal formerly known as Prince Charles became the second-most famous King Charles (after the King Charles Cavalier). And today, King Charles gave his first speech to the country, and sadly during his pre-recorded address, he didn’t announce that he’s giving up the throne and passing it to England’s Finest Rose Jodie Marsh! No, but Charles did mourn his mother and said that Prince William and Duchess Kate will now be the Prince and Princess of Wales.
Buckingham Palace Announces That THE QUEEN’S Doctors Are “Concerned For Her Health,” And Members Of The Royal Family Are On Their Way To Be With Her (UPDATE)
Buckingham Palace announced that THE QUEEN, Britain’s longest-reigning monarch, has died at 96.
The Queen died peacefully at Balmoral this afternoon.
The King and The Queen Consort will remain at Balmoral this evening and will return to London tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/VfxpXro22W
— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) September 8, 2022
Here’s the original post:
Buckingham Palace announced this morning that THE QUEEN is currently under medical supervision at Balmoral estate in Scotland. THE QUEEN is 96 and she’s become a part-time monarch because of her health woes and has had to miss events. So this news seemed serious but not surprising. But then we heard that her family, including her children and grandchildren, are either with her at Balmoral or on their way. So now it seems like things are reaching Operation London Bridge-levels of serious.