Let’s Play A Game Called ‘What Caused That Look On Julia Roberts’ Face?’

Here are my guesses:

1. She made a doody in her pants and it’s only a matter of time before BCoop finds out.

2. She saw Sandra Bullock’s fug colored dress. (For real though- Sandy B.’s dress really was hard to look at. I’m no fashion maven, but the orange and pink together is making me glad I don’t even bother trying.)

3. Danny Moder’s ex-wife jumped out of the crowd and became a living Surprise, Bitch meme.

4. She’s reliving the memory of walking in on George Clooney jacking it to a picture of Brad Pitt and Matt Damon.

Julia attended the Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards Gala with a shit ton of other celebrities. Also pictured are Matthew McConaughey with wife Camila Alves, Queen Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda, Tom Hanks, Lupita Nyong’o, Chiwetel Ejiofor, panty creamer Idris Elba, Bono and The Edge, Colin Farrell, Elizabeth Rohm (who I swore was Sharon Stone), Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, Jeremy Renner, Alfre Woodard and Ewan McGregor, who looks like he’d rather be anyfuckingwhere else.

(Pics: FameFlynet)

Leonardo DiCaprio Brought The Hot To The Wolf Of Wall Street Premiere

There have been so many damn premieres of Martin Scorsese films starring Leonardo DiCaprio that at this point, Leo probably just turns to Lukas Haas and rolls his eyes saying, “Put on something nice, honey. It’s date night.” Leo dusted off the rat’s ass he pulls out right before Oscar season to attend the premiere of Wolf of Wall Street in New York City last night, looking a little pudding pie in the face.

Whoever dressed Leo’s co-star Matthew McConaughey should be nominated for all the awards in the category of tailoring a suit that transforms the wearer from a T. rex to the Swedish Chef in the arms. I had to double check to make sure those weren’t fake hands poking out of the sleeves of Matthew’s Colonel-Sanders-as-a-bridegroom suit. All he needs to complete the look is a ribbon bow tie and Leo’s facial hair.

Here are more pics from the premiere last night. Besides Leo and Matty with his wife Camila Alves, also pictured is Jonah Hill (who needs to reel in that creepy fangirl look), hottie Kyle Chandler who I had shamefully forgotten about, Margot Robbie and Martin Scorsese (and his eyebrows, which really should get top billing on all his films).

(Pics: Splash)

The Wolf Of Wall Street Trailer Is Here

If you ever wondered what it would look like if The Great Gatsby’s personality and Wall Street’s internal organs were shoved into American Psycho’s body, here’s your answer. Above is the trailer for Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street which stars his muse Leonardo DiCatchAHo, Jonah Hill, The Texas T-Rex, Kyle Chandler, Joanna Lumley and the Victoria’s Secret model version of Emma Stone known as Margot Robbie. The Wolf of Wall Street is about some Wall Street type who… Oh, who gives a shit. The only thing that matters is that this trailer has midget tossing, a monkey in roller skates, a flying lobster, The Texas T-Rex playing the chest drums and THIS:

Leo is popping and locking for that Oscar. And if they really want an Oscar, they’ll submit this shit in the documentary category, because this is basically Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s life set in the 90s.

Reese Witherspoon Is Sorry She Was An Asshole To A Cop

Reese Witherspoon (or Laura Jeanne Poon as I’ll forever know her as), seen above with her hungover husband Jim Toth at a screening for Mud in NYC last night, is really sorry that she was a drunk, uppity, holier-than-thou twat when her husband got busted for DUI and she got busted for disorderly conduct in Atlanta over the weekend. As Sandra Bullock ripped the “America’s Sweetheart” sash from Reese’s body, Reese tried to put the bitch back in the bag by releasing this damage control statement to People:

“Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said.

It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I’m very sorry for my behavior.”

I wonder what “scary situation” Laura Jeanne Poon is talking about? Is she talking about how her evil possum-faced husband turned their rented Ford Focus into a death machine by drunkenly weaving across a double line? No, probably not. Or is she talking about how a question mark covered the police officer’s face when she asked him, “Do you know my name?” Yeah, that’s totally the scary situation Reese is talking about since nothing is scarier for a self-entitled celebrity than a peon not knowing who they are.

And now Reese knows that nothing good comes out of using the “Do you know who I am?!” line. Sometimes it’ll get you locked up and nothing will ruin your buzz like sitting under fluorescent lighting in a police station.

Here’s more of Reese at the screening for Mud which also brought out Matthew McConaughey, Camila Alves and Sarah Paulson. No, the Texas T-Rex does not have to apologize for wearing one of the Mad Hatter’s old suits, because that shit is the look.

At Least Somebody Honored The Texas T-Rex’s Ass Cheeks

The Independent Spirit Awards did what the Oscars failed to do: give respect to Matthew McConaughey’s rock hard ass cutlets. At yesterday’s Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica, the Texas T-Rex won Best Supporting Actor for popping his bulge in a Speedo and throwing his charbroiled nalgas up in the air in Magic Mike. While accepting his award Matthew, who is still looking a lollipop-headed giraffe, let every actor know that if they want to win an Independent Spirit Award next year, they have to take all them panties off:

“I had to take my pants off to win a trophy, I had to drop trou to win an award. Fuck yeah!”

Sadly, the Independent Spirit Awards didn’t honor the OTHER great performance of the year: Nicole Kidman’s piss hole for letting out a Botox-infused pee stream on Zac Efron’s body in The Paperboy.

The reboot of Jerry Maguire called Silver Linings Playbook pretty much swept that shit last night and picked up a bunch of trophies. Here’s the list of winners:

Best Feature – Silver Linings Playbook
Best First Feature – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Best Supporting Male Performance – The Texas T-Rex, Magic Mike
Best Supporting Female Performance – Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Best International Film – Amour
Best Female Lead Performance – Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Best Male Lead Performance – John Hawkes, Battery Dying
Best Screenplay – David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Best Cinematography – Ben Richardson, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Best Director – David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Best Documentary – The Invisible War

And here’s a few pictures for you to put your eyes on. In order: Texas T-Rex with Camila Alves, Bradley Cooper (and yes, I stared at his baggy camel toe for at least an hour straight), Bryan Cranston, Laura Dern, Salma Hayek with her billionaire husband, Helen Hunt, Jennifer Lawrence, the new Jodie Foster, Aubrey Plaza, DanRad, new daddy Jeremy Renner (who let everyone know that the musky scent was coming from his crotch), Zoe Saldana, Andy Samberg with Joanna Newsom, the new Annie and Kerry Washington.

The Texas T-Rex Was Mad At His Best Bitch Lance Armstrong For Doping Up

Matthew McConaughey has gone topless jogging with Lance Armsstrongduetodoping and not once did the Texas T-Rex get suspicious when the wooden floor boards broke into pieces from the sheer force of Lance’s Hulk-like stomp. So when Lance came clean about playing dirty, Matthew McConaughey was sad and mad at the bitch for never telling him the truth. The Texas T-Rex, who is gaining some chunk and no longer looks like a zombie porn Giraffe circa 1975, is promoting his new movie Mud at Sundance right now and MTV News (via Yahoo) asked him what he thinks about Lance’s cheating ways. Matthew said that it gave him the sads, which should give all of us the sads, because nothing is sadder than a sad T-Rex. 🙁 Matthew said this:

“My first reaction was I was pissed off. I was mad. I then got kind of sad for him. First off, I had a part of me that took it kind of personally, which I think a lot of people have.”

Matthew then said that he doesn’t take it personally:

“What I mean by this is, what was he supposed to do? Call me to the side and go, ‘Hey man, I did it but don’t tell anybody.’ Then I would have really had a reason to be pissed off at him, going, ‘You want me to walk around holding this?’Where I am now is I’ve put myself out of the way and I am happy for this guy, who has now chosen to reenter this new chapter of his life a truly free man. And the weight he had on his shoulders, without the boogieman under the bed, the skeleton in the closet that he’s carried for 14 years. Fourteen years he lied and carried the lie with him. Oprah said the other night, ‘The truth will set you free,’ but she forgot one part. It’s miserable in the beginning. And it’s going to be miserable, but he’s looking it in the eye, and he’ll handle it. He’ll deal. And he’s ready for how hard it’s going to be to deal.”

T-Rex, please. I know Matthew’s usually got his head stuck in his bong, but his ass had to have known that Lance injected potent Go Go Juice directly into his veins. Didn’t Matthew know that something in the milk was DOPE when Lance jacked his dick right off of his body during their weekly circle jerk sessions? The Texas T-Rex is just sad, because during all his years of doping, Lance never once pulled down his panties and asked Matthew to stick it in his butt. By “it,” I mean the doping needle. I think.

Here’s more of Matthew looking like an old, parched earth worm at Sundance over the weekend.