Nick Jonas Will Neither Confirm Nor Deny That He’s Boning Kate Hudson

Nick Jonas and Kate Hudson were supposedly casual fuck buddies for a minute last year and after they took a break from each other’s genitals, she lured him back into her parts by posting a picture of her nalgas on her assistant’s Instagram page. They’re apparently back to doing each other again. Nick did an interview with Kerensa Cadenas of Complex and she says that she got drunk, so she was completely fuck deficient when she came out and asked him if he’s humping on Kate Hudson’s coochie.

“Are you having sex with Kate Hudson?”

“Umm,” he laughs. “You know, it’s interesting. You’re allowed to ask me whatever the fuck you want and I’ll answer it, or not.”

“You’ll answer it in whatever ways it fits.”

“Kate’s incredible. We had an unbelievable connection as two humans who just admire things about each other, and see something in each other that’s beautiful. Out of my best effort to respect her and her privacy, I’m not going to say if we had sex or not. But we did have a beautiful connection. Even now I have so much admiration and respect. She’s amazing.”

Let’s break down the last part of Nick’s comment:

“Kate’s incredible” = “We had sex.”

“We had an unbelievable connection” = “We had sex.”

“…two humans who just admire things about each other” = “She loved the d and I loved the p.”

“I’m not going to say if we had sex or not” = “We had sex.”

“Even now I have so much admiration and respect” = “We still have sex every now and again.”

And Kate Hudson would be into a dude who says shit like “beautiful connection” and “humans who just admire things about each other” instead of just saying, “Yeah, we fucked.”

Pic: Splash

Open Post: Hosted By Kate Hudson Showing Off Her Ass Crack For Nick Jonas

Kate Hudson’s ASSistant posted this picture of her putting her nalgas on display in a bathtub all the way back in November and no one really saw it until today when UsWeekly wet farted up the story behind her behind.

Kate supposedly started dropping her 36-year-old cooze on Nick Jonas’ 23-year-old peen back in September, but things were only casual and they stopped bumping it for a while. A source tells UsWeekly that Kate wanted to lure Nick back into her fuck parts so she got her assistant to post a picture of her cub bait ass on Instagram. I know, there’s so much water in that tub and yet she’s still thirsty. Since Nick is a gold medal-winning gay baiter, Kate should’ve written “Gay Club Here” over her butt cheeks if she really, really wanted him to pay a visit to her ass.

Kate’s Jonas bait worked because they’re doing it again. Kate’s uncensored ass crack is after the jump.

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Angelina Jolie And Most Of The Chosen Ones Made A Red Carpet Appearance Yesterday

“Okay, so I’ve had my assistants, St. Francis of Assisi and Jesus, mark the spot where my friend God will be parting the clouds and sending down a soft beam of heavenly light to illuminate my halo. So if you can let all the photographers know that they should shoot me from over there, that would be great.”

In case you’re wondering why there was recently a dramatic increase in reported miracles and little old ladies claiming to have seen the image of a pair of severe cheekbones in their toast, it was because Angelina Jolie and her flock of SITs (saints-in-training) walked among us regulars yesterday. St. Angie brought 5 of her wingless angels (Maddox stayed home with Daddy Brad) to the Los Angeles premiere for Kung Fu Panda 3. They didn’t stroll down the red carpet with Angie – us mere humans can only handle so much blessing. But they did leave the theater together, which I’m sure is Heaven’s equivalent to seeing pictures of the Royal Family on the Buckingham Palace balcony.

The appearance of St. Angie at the Kung Fu Panda 3 premiere isn’t that surprising (bitch has a movie to pimp); I am, however, surprised her kids found the time. According to the Daily Mail, Shilo and Zahara have been busy sponsoring a Cambodian family. Apparently they were approached by a 16-year-old girl while they were getting ice cream in Siem Reap with Daddy Brad, and were so moved by her story that they took her and her 12 brothers and sisters shopping for new clothes and bikes. That’s technically enough to earn them 8 gold stars and honorary sainthood. But I guess they had an open spot on their philanthropy schedules and wanted to put in a little extra charity work, so they swung by the premier with their mom.

Here’s more of Our Lady of Perpetual Cheekbones and five kids whose faces are probably already on prayer cards, as well as a bunch of non-holy types and their kids, like Jack Black and Kate Hudson.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

The Bright Shining A-List Stars Really Came Out For The People’s Choice Awards Last Night

I almost watched the People’s Choice Awards last night, because there’s something about seeing the few A-listers there making faces that say, “I really need to fire my goddamn publicist for making me go to this shit,” while surrounded by extras from The CW shows and shameless spotlight humpers (see: Frankie Grande). But I shat on that thought and decided to watch the condensation on my water glass for 2 hours instead.

Besides attention whore flamingo Frankie Grande showing up looking like a Great Value version of Caesar Flickman from The Hunger Games (more like The Thirst Games), other stuff actually happened. Sensitive thumb Vin Diesel cooed out another musical tribute to Paul Walker and Melanie Griffith’s daughter made a joke about her tits. But the moment that really made the rounds was the sad re-creation of Kanye West’s “Imma let you finish…” stunt.

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Zooey Deschanel Gave Her Baby A Very Zooey Deschanel Name

Ukelette Doily, Sassafras Anjou, Winnifred Clementine and Dew Drop Paper Rose are just a few of the names I guessed Etsy yarn doll Zooey Deschanel would name the bundle of baby she gave birth to in Austin, TX a few months ago. Sadly, Zooey and her hipster husband Jacob Pechenik didn’t go with any of those names, but they gave their baby daughter a name that puts the twee in twee. These two are otter their minds (the gong is in the shop so you can’t GONG me this time), because they named their daughter the adorkable name of Elsie Otter. Elsie. Otter.

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Kate Hudson And Nick Jonas Are Still Doing It

Over two WHOLE weeks ago, Kate Hudson and professional gay baiter Nick Jonas were in Orlando together and anybody who has been to Orlando knows that there’s only two things to do there: go to amusement parks and fuck. Kate and Nick went to Disney World and everyone guessed that they sexed on each other too. Well, that was two weeks ago and it looks like they’re still boning. I’m actually surprised, because I would’ve guessed that by now, Kate would’ve tossed that Jonas piece into the pile of boy toys and we would’ve heard an “ouch” coming from one of Madonna’s ex-toys after Nick landed on him.

Kate was at some event a few days ago when a reporter type asked her if her coochie is getting a few servings of Jonas dick. She didn’t want to talk about it.

And on Oct. 13 at the La Mer: Celebration of an Icon event in Hollywood, Hudson expertly avoided the question while speaking to Us Weekly and other reporters, saying, “Oh god, yeah, oh yeah…see ya later.”

“Oh god, yeah, oh yeah….see ya later” pretty much sums up 99% of my sexual experiences.

And last night, Kate and Nick partied at a club in NYC together and left just seconds after each other. When a famous ho leaves a club seconds after another famous ho does, that means they’re totally licking each other’s parts.

Kate and Nick aren’t saying whether or not they’re fuck buddies, but their outfits say everything that needs to be said. Kate left her hotel in NYC this morning in a ugly Canadian tuxedo and a 90s red shirt from Charlotte Russe. She was probably so broke off and dozed off from doing a Jonai that she let her stylist throw absolutely anything on her damn body.

Pics: Splash