Kanye West’s Vision Of The Future Is Both Hilarious And Horrifying
I don’t know if he’s just dehydrated or what, but Kanye West’s already tenuous grip on reality seems to be slipping. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Kanye’s ready to legally change his name to Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West and says he’s definitely “walking” for president in 2024. Oh, and black people need to stop voting Democrat if they want to get good jobs in his shoe factory (the real positions of power at Yeezy are apparently reserved for Steve Jobs types). I have never seen anyone more in need of a nap. Shit, I need a nap just reading about it.
I honestly don’t even know where to start. Kanye’s an out of the box thinker after all, nothing about him says cohesive narrative or logical progression. In fact, by his own admission, “we’re not pawns behind a desk where it’s pre-programmed. With Ye it’s just like ‘Go!’” and so go I must. Kanye “surprised the crowd by showing up for a panel discussion” at Fast Company’s 5th annual Innovation Festival alongside Yeezy’s head designer Steven Smith. After proclaiming “Yeezy is the Apple of apparel.“, Kanye went auf.
One of the things that struck me most was just how petty Kanye is. Normally I revere pettiness as one of our most treasured human instincts, as it has brought so much great drama to the world (remember when Xerxes I whipped the sea with chains during the Persian invasion of Greece for destroying his bridge? Ah, those were good times). But with Kanye, it’s just sad. Kanye wants to change his name to spite Forbes magazine for not acknowledging his crumpled up receipts proving he’s a billionaire.
Last month, Forbes estimated that Yeezy will bring in over $1.5 billion in sales in 2019 and has recently referred to him as a billionaire. But in June, the publication ranked him fourth amongst the world’s wealthiest hip-hop artist, with an estimated net worth of $240 million. But he’s over the “millionaire” hump and wants to be acknowledged.
“Martin Luther King didn’t get killed because he had a dream; he had something else he was gong (sic) to talk about. He talked about black empowerment, economic empowerment,” said West. “When I did Forbes, I showed them a $890 million receipt and they still didn’t say ‘billionaire.’ They don’t want us to know that we can buy land; they don’t want us to have the 100 percent ownership [that] I have at Yeezy. …When people say it’s crass to call yourself a billionaire, I say I might legally change my name to Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West for a year until y’all understand exactly what it is… It will be on the license plate.”
His momma gave him the name Kanye West so he can own that, but the first three parts of that name are highly suspect. Also suspect; his plans to “walk” for President in 2024 (if the meteor doesn’t save us first.)
“When I run for President in 2024,” West began, interrupted by an outbreak of laughter in the audience. “What y’all laughing at? We would create so many jobs! I’m not going to run, I’m going to walk. When you see headlines saying Kanye’s crazy — one in three African Americans are in jail and all the celebrities are in jail also because they can’t say nothing, they got no opinion, they’re so scared!”
You heard it here first. ALL the celebrities are in JAIL! And I don’t think he’s talking about Jane Fonda. It’s almost as if Kanye cares more about celebrities than he cares about black people. Oh the irony. Speaking of which, Kanye’s plan to empower black people includes bringing jobs back to America by moving Yeezy production to Wyoming, where the laws are “way lax.” Kanye seriously thinks his ugly ass shoes are going to make Cody, Wyoming the next post WWII Detroit. According to Page Six:
During the all-over-the-place, near-40-minute session, Trump supporter West advised black Americans: “Own your power. Your power is not to just vote Democrat for the rest of our lives. That’s not the power.”
He added, “The power is when I talk to my lawyer … I put on my trench coat and said, ‘We’re moving these factories to America, and that’s how it’s going to be’ — and it’s lovely.”
He debuted an algae sneaker, and proclaimed, “We moved the headquarters to Cody, Wyo … Our goal is to bring the manufacturing back to America — South America, North America — bring it back Stateside and to present jobs for people back here.”
If I’m picturing Kanye’s vision of the future correctly, by the year 2024, Yeezies made out of seaweed will be popular enough to fuel the economy of an entire continent while Kim Kardashian’s husband, President Christian Genius Billionaire Kayne West, is busy reengineering the urban landscape because “the world is set up to make us think that we need to have less children when children is the greatest thing and the closest thing to God that we have. So we have to reengineer the cities!“… Cool, cool, cool. Lemme get you a glass of water, is there somebody I can call for you?
Pic: Wenn.com