Category: Juliette Lewis

Melanie Lynskey Got Body-Shamed By A Crew Member On “Yellowjackets”

January 17, 2022 / Posted by:

Melanie Lynskey currently stars as stay-at-home mom/bunny-killer Shauna on Yellowjackets.  And in a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Melanie discusses how Hollywood fucked with her confidence cuz she was never viewed as “beautiful”. 44-year-old Melanie recounts a recent incident in which a member of the Yellowjackets production team commented on her body. She says they asked her, “What do you plan to do? I’m sure the producers will get you a trainer. They’d love to help you with this.” Urge to kill… rising…

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Ethan Suplee Is Jacked Now

January 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Jason Lee’s ex-SFL (sidekick for life/until one becomes an SP) Ethan Suplee has a new podcast out called American Glutton which, according to Cinemablend, is all about his lifelong struggle with his weight. Apparently, Ethan’s gone from Mallrat to Gym Rat. He’s ripped now, and says “he’s lost and gained at least 1,000 pounds over the course of his life,” which sounds exhausting. This is why I just stay fat. And as if to prove my superior life choices, Ethan says that when he was at his thinnest, he was miserable. And this is coming from a Scientologist! Imagine the torture of biking “100 miles a day, six days a week” if you didn’t have whatever worse torture that goes on in the Sea Org for comparison.

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The Estranged Wife Of Rage Against The Machine’s Drummer Says Their Marriage Ended Forever After He Left Her For Juliette Lewis 

May 2, 2019 / Posted by:

It is the year of dudes you don’t know by name getting called out by their estranged wives for having a peen whose odometer has serious miles on it because it has been traveling to poon after poon.

Brad Wilk is the drummer of Rage Against The Machine, and he’s been maried to Selene Vigil-Wilk, the frontwoman of the band 7 Year Bitch, since 2005. They have two children together. They’re not together anymore, because The Blast says that in court documents, Selene claims that Brad left her for Juliette Lewis. Who knew that Juliette was the Miranda Lambert of indie rock?! No, Juliette Lewis didn’t use the powers of her home wrecking Scientologina to lure innocent Brad to the dark side. The court documents claim that Brad’s affair with Juliette wasn’t his peen’s first time at The Cheaters Rodeo.

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Juliette Lewis OnThe Scientology Hate: It’s A Conspiracy Funded By The Pharmaceutical Industry!

September 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Juliette Lewis is one of the only disciples of L. Ron Hubbard I can stand (besides John Travolta’s wig, of course) because she doesn’t shit at the mouth about Scientology that much and because she was in the underrated TV jewel I Married Dora. But today, I nearly crushed the Thetans that live under my eyelids by rolling my eyes at the shit she said about why Scientology gets hate from the media.

During an interview with The Daily Beast, Juliette was asked about the biggest misconceptions about Scientology. Juliette said that Scientology is a self-help movement and the mainstream media will never write anything truthful about it, because they’re funded by Big Pharma and Tom Cruise spoke out against the pharmaceutical industry when he ranted about Brooke Shields taking anti-depressants to deal with postpartum depression (among other things). Juliette adjusted her tin foil bonnet and barfed this up:

I’ll get all conspiratorial on you, and I’m just going to throw this out: The mainstream media is funded by pharmaceutical companies, so when you have the biggest movie star in the world at the time—Tom Cruise—coming out against anti-depressants and Ritalin and just saying, “Hey, why don’t you put a warning label on there?” The thing about Scientology is it is anti-drug in that you’re seeking relationship or communication tools—simple basics on how to live better. So, when Tom came out about that, I’ve never seen someone get torn down so hard, and they still brutalize him with Scientology pieces to this day. It’s a religious philosophy and self-help movement. And you’ll never see a truthful word written about it in mainstream media.

Yes, it was little ole’ Tommy Girl who almost brought down the zillion dollar pharmaceutical industry by shitting on anti-depressants. If anything, Tommy Girl’s rant put more money into the pockets of those greedy ass Big Pharma bitches, because some of us needed to snort crushed Prozac cut with Valium after listening to him.

I can think of a million other reasons for why people hate on Scientology. Off the top of my head, I hate on Scientologists, because they probably see John Travolta all the time in the auditing waiting room and shit and they never tell him to shave those gross pubes off of his face. So answer that, glib ass Juliette.

And The Best Dressed Of The Critics’ Choice Awards Goes To…

January 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Even The Mighty O is intrigued by this black-swan-casket-skirt-biker-shorts disaster.

The best way to wear black Spandex biker shorts is to wear them under shredded jean shorts with a Body Glove tank top and British Knights. The second best way to wear black Spandex biker shorts is to wear them under a dress that looks like an ornate gothic nightie that was scrunched up in the corner of an attic and was used as a bed by a bunch of crows. Adele Exarchopoulos knows what I’m talking about. Adele Exarchopoulos won Best Young Actor at the Critics’ Choice Awards in Santa Monica for her performance in Coochie Is The Warmest Color and she made every Academy voter fist themselves without lube for not nominating her for Best Actress. If she wore this to a third tier awards show, imagine what she would’ve worn to the OSCAHS! When dressing for the Critics’ Choice Awards, hos usually stroll to their dirty laundry basket, pick up whatever’s at the top and put it on. They do their makeup in the car. They don’t give three shits while dressing for that crap. So if Adele wore this, I’m guessing she would’ve worn a Hypercolor catsuit and Airwalk Jim heels to the Oscars.

Adele looks like she was cycling in a race when she crashed into a walking funeral procession for a fallen drag queen before landing into a bunch of black pigeons taking a nap together. It is the look. You can never go wrong with sequins and biker shorts.

Here’s more pictures from that shit last night including Jeremy Renner pinching his nipples for the photographers and Abigail Breslin looking like a 50-year-old brothel madam.

Pics: Splash,

Julia Roberts Denies Having A Fetus In Her Body

December 13, 2013 / Posted by:

For the past week or so, 46-year-old Julia Roberts has been wearing dresses from Pea in the Pod’s Hide The Bump collection and baggy shirts, so of course, some hos have been screaming that there’s a fetus hiding in her body. They can see it! But while promoting August: Osage County on Letterman last night, the Jennifer Lawrence of the 90s spit out a solid NO when he asked her if she and that Danny Moder dude are going to add another baby to their family.

Letterman: You have the twins who are about 9 years old now?
Julia: They turned 9 in November.
Letterman: Oh man, that’s exciting. And then the other one is a 6 year old?
Julia: He turned 6 over the summer. Henry. Or the “other one” we sometimes call him.
Letterman: Have you thought about adding more to the group?
Julia: Oh sure.
Letterman: Any chance?
Julia: No.

Can’t a bitch go through the trials and tribulations of menopause without a ho calling their bloat bubble a baby? No, I have no idea if Julia’s got a fetus growing in there, but if she does, I hope she sticks with the cartoon mice theme when naming it. Julia’s twins are named Phinnaeus and Hazel, so I hope if there’s a fourth one she names it Fievel or Gussie. The world needs more kids whose names make you want to sing, “There are no cats in America!

Julia also told Letterman that she tries not to curse in front of her kids. Not cursing in front of kids. Where’s the fun in that?

“In the nine years of being a mother, I’ve only done that one time, and it brought all of us to a screeching halt. Everyone was like, ‘What just happened?’ It was horrible! I still think about it now, and I still can’t believe I did that. The children just stopped, and I said, ‘I am very sorry!'”

This reminds me, I have this tia who curses way more than I do. Her mouth is a Scorsese movie. A few months ago, we were at a family thing with a bunch of kids and I kept the curse words in my mouth, because for some strange reason parents get all mad when I teach their kids the “cunt” word. Parents are so weird. I can censor myself, but my tia can’t do it. So she taught the kids a trick. Every time a curse word is about to fly out of her mouth, she screams “EARMUFFS!” and that’s their cue to cover their ears with their hands. So when she talks to us in front of the kids, it goes something like this, “Can you believe that – EARMUFFS, KIDS, EARMUFFS –  bitch would say that to me? What a – I SAID EARMUFFS, GODDAMMIT – fucking asshole, right? And her husband’s  – EARMUFFS! EARMUFFS! – a fucking piece of shit too!

I think she said, “earmuffs,” more than actual curse words. I kept waiting for one of the kids to say, “We know, we know, she’s a fucking bitch. Can I put my hands down now, my arms are getting tired.

Here’s Julia and some of the cast of August: Osage County at the NYC premiere last night. I really wish Julia would’ve used those glorious teefs of hers to chew off the dying animal on Dermot Mulroney’s head.


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