It’s hard to imagine being able to top playing connect the dots every night in bed with convicted rapist Harvey Weinstein‘s knobby, speckled constellation of back-colonizing skin tags. But somehow Georgina Chapman managed to break the alluringly hypnotic grip back in 2018 when they divorced after she’d claimed she was shocked to discover that her then-husband’s busted relief map of skin protrusions (and the rest of the bloated, abusive, he-beast carcass from which they’d sprouted) had been forced on countless other women who hadn’t actually signed up for the dubious privilege of tending to them but found themselves faced with it, anyway.
In 2019, Georgina connected with a dashing new flesh playground in the form of Adrien Brody. Their coupledom has mostly remained off the radar due to both the fallout from Harvey’s spectacular takedown and the pap-stroll-repellent pandemic. At last night’s premiere of Adrien’s new thriller Clean at the Tribeca Film Festival in NYC, the couple finally went public.
Important Question: Would You Suck Dick So That Bottles Of Evian Could Be Delivered To Your Shady Boss’ Music Festival?
Move over, Fiji Water Girl. Here cums Evian Dick Sucker!
As Mieka and C.J. have written about on this blog, Netflix and Hulu put out dueling documentaries on the flaming pile of millennial shit known as the Fyre Festival. Both docs show how imprisoned scammer Billy McFarland got way over his douche head and conned Bahamian locals, influencers, investors, and millennials with a musical festival that was supposed to be island luxury wrapped in hipster decadence, but turned out to be as luxurious as a dried-up cheese sandwich. Both docs are also getting shit on themselves, because Hulu paid Billy for his interview, and the Netflix one is produced by Jerry Media who helped promote Fyre Festival. With that being said, I’m sure that Netflix smugly declared that they won the Fyre Festival doc game when they saw footage of event producer Andy King admitting that he nearly sucked customs official dick for bottles of Evian. As someone who has been on a dick sucking date and only got tap water in a Denny’s mug, I’m looking at Andy like, “Oh you fancy huh?”
And here I am falling for it AGAIN.
If you missed the latest extra-large fart bubble of sad insanity that came out of Kanye West’s mouth during his visit to TMZ today, then might I suggest you keep on missing it and watch a much less gross and much more satisfying video by clicking here. But if you insist….
To get attention for his new albums and his self-published philosophy book on Twitter, Kanye has declared his love for his brother Donald Trump, told us that he loves the brain of Black Lives Matter hater Candace Owens, and did a 2-hour interview. But he really went for it today when he dropped into the offices of TMZ. Kanye said that since slavery lasted for 400 years, the slaves must’ve made the choice to remain slaves. Strangely enough, Kanye didn’t also say that Jewish people willingly went to concentration camps because they wanted a free vacation? He’s probably saving that for his next visit to TMZ.
Just like that, the performance of “Gangnam Style” is officially no longer the worst thing to ever come out of Glee.
UsWeekly says that earlier today, 35-year-old Mark Salling, formerly Puck from Glee/currently a major creep, pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography of a prepubescent minor.
After the Emma Stone in Aloha mess, and the ScarJo in Ghost in the Shell mess, and the Tilda Swinton in Doctor Strange mess, you’d think that maybe Hollywood would know that doing whitewashing shit, especially with a real person, is a bad move. But here we are. Deadline says that Zach McGowan, who is apparently of Irish and Jewish descent, has been cast as real-life Native Hawaiian leader Benehakaka “Ben” Kanahele in a WWII biopic called Ni’ihau.
Thank Kelly Osbourne’s Pom Pom in advance for making a “Bitch, please” face over this interview so you don’t have to!
While promoting her new book There Is No Fucking Secret: Letters from a Badass Bitch, Kelly Osbourne has already called out attention whores who she says are faking Lyme disease to get sympathy and a cover of Life & Style. Kelly is now telling young famous tricks who pretend to be gay for attention that she’s got their fake gay number, hussy. Kelly also says that she wishes she was a gayelle, but then also says that everybody is gay. My brain barely functions as it is and it shut down several times during Kelly’s interview.