Category: Jeff Bezos

Leonardo DiCaprio And Lukas Haas Were Also Partying On A Yacht In St. Barts Over New Year’s

January 5, 2022 / Posted by:

There must have been some kind of climate summit going on in the Caribbean over the holidays because Lauren Sanchez wasn’t the only person to counterbalance her St. Barts yacht excursion over New Year’s by posting about a pet environmental cause on Instagram immediately after. Page Six reports that eco/panty-warrior Captain Leonardo DiCaprio and his First Mate Lukas Haas, known affectionately within the Pussy Posse as “little buddy,” also spent New Year’s Eve partying on and in the waters surrounding St. Barts with Lauren, Jeff Bezos, and a plethora of other folks who must have had a lot of PTO on the books to spare. Thanks to these brave men and women who have devoted their lives to saving our precious environment, we now know that 26,000 rainforest and Eucalyptus trees have been planted onsite at Mongo Valley Wildlife Sanctuary in Australia and that Leo likes to nibble the celery in his poolside Bloody Mary like an adorable little koala bear!

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Jeff Bezos And Lauren Sanchez Partied In St. Barts Over New Year’s

January 3, 2022 / Posted by:

I thought I was balling on New Year’s Eve because I popped a pretty nice bottle of cava someone had left at my house over the summer while wearing my good house pants, but leave it to Zaddy Warbucks to remind us all just how poor and ugly we really are. Billionaire Playboy Jeff Bezos and his Billionaire’s Playboy Bunny Lauren Sanchez just had to go and prove that while money may buy you happiness, it can’t buy you class. You have to be born with it otherwise you run the risk of looking like Pitbull’s colorblind cousin twice removed and an anatomically confusing aftermarket Janice the Muppet. Thankfully, Jeff and Lauren have class to spare so they both just looked incredibly cool and wealthy on their New Year’s yacht excursion in St. Barts that they each posted on Instagram. Don’t believe me? Then explain why Lauren followed that post up with a post wishing The Bezos Earth Fund a “year of major choices in preventing climate change and protecting nature,” totally countering any environmental damage their excursion caused. So, you know what, you caught me. I guess you can buy class too. Environmental funds are fucking expensive!

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The Rock Gave His People’s Choice Award To A Make-A-Wish Recipient

December 8, 2021 / Posted by:

Last night, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson won The People’s Champion Award at the People’s Choice Awards. In his acceptance speech, he reminisced about working with his idol, Muhammad Ali, at the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Then he called a very surprised teenager named Shushana to the stage. Turns out Shushana is a Make-a-Wish recipient whose dream was to come to the People’s Choice Awards. The Rock said he was inspired by her story of survival, and gave her his People’s Choice Award statue. Shushana seemed touched, and was far too polite to admit that she’d actually requested to go to the VMAs. Thanks a lot, Make-a-Wish!

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Lauren Sanchez Went Gaga Over Leonardo DiCaprio In Front Of Jeff Bezos

November 8, 2021 / Posted by:

Jeff Bezos may be the richest man in the world, but even with that resume he couldn’t stop his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez from ogling Leonardo DiCaprio at the recent Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) Art and Film Gala. For once in their relationship, Lauren’s the one with the wandering eye! Should Leo be onboard when Jeff’s $500 million Super Yacht eventually crashes into an iceberg/populist uprising and sinks, you can be absolutely certain that Lauren is gonna find a way to fit his ass on that door. What am I saying, she looked at Leo like he was the damn door, and tried to scramble up him to safety before the suckerfish attached to her arm pulled her down.

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Prince William Calls Out All The Billionaires Who Are Racing Into Space

October 14, 2021 / Posted by:

Lately, it seems like the only thing billionaires like to do more than hoard wealth is to blast themselves into the outermost layer of our Earth’s atmosphere. So far, billionaires Sir Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have made it into space. Elon Musk is plotting to relocate to Mars. Mark Zuckerberg probably wishes he could have disappeared into a black hole after Facebook went offline last week. Well, not everyone thinks it’s cute that all those rich people are dropping tons of cash to play space explorer and leave the planet we’re currently on in the name of possible future colonization for the human race. Prince William thinks that anyone with a brain in their head and lots of money in the bank should be putting both to work back here on Earth to solve our climate problems.

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William Shatner Made History As He Went Into Space With Amazon’s Blue Origin Crew

October 13, 2021 / Posted by:

Don’t let that picture above fool you. It might look like Captain Kirk was sedated by an evil space robot known only as BEZOS, and is about to be blasted into the universe so that BEZOS can woo Lt. Uhura away with the promise of glamour, luxury, and a comped Prime membership. But it’s just actor William Shatner preparing for his flight into almost-space on Amazon’s Blue Origin spacecraft. William Shatner made the journey this morning, and spoiler alert, he didn’t become the real-life version of his infamous spoken word cover of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity.” Everyone can relax and breathe easy, Spaceman Shatner is back on Earth safe and sound.

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