Category: Space Drama

NASA Used A Spaceship To Crash Into An Asteroid And #Armageddon Began Trending On Twitter

September 27, 2022 / Posted by:

Since Earth is such a shitshow at times, we tend to forget there is a vast universe far beyond the sky. Luckily NASA is here to keep us equally educated and terrified. Recently NASA informed citizens of Planet Rock that there was a sure-shot asteroid heading our way, which is frightening. However, they concocted a plan to destroy the asteroid with a spaceship designed for the sole purpose of changing its course, so you know humans found a way to make #Armageddon a trending topic in anticipation of the end of the world (but not really).

Continue reading

Tags: ,

Pete Davidson Isn’t Going To Space Next Week After All

March 18, 2022 / Posted by:

Sadly, Pete Davidson won’t be able to say, “Wow, this might be the highest I’ve ever been!“, from space any time soon. Pete was scheduled to blast into space next Wednesday on one of his new friend Jeff Bezos’ dildo-shaped Blue Origin rockets. But the blast-off was rescheduled from March 23 to later in the month. The bad news for Pete is that this new scheduling conflict will prevent him from being on board.

Continue reading

Prince William Calls Out All The Billionaires Who Are Racing Into Space

October 14, 2021 / Posted by:

Lately, it seems like the only thing billionaires like to do more than hoard wealth is to blast themselves into the outermost layer of our Earth’s atmosphere. So far, billionaires Sir Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have made it into space. Elon Musk is plotting to relocate to Mars. Mark Zuckerberg probably wishes he could have disappeared into a black hole after Facebook went offline last week. Well, not everyone thinks it’s cute that all those rich people are dropping tons of cash to play space explorer and leave the planet we’re currently on in the name of possible future colonization for the human race. Prince William thinks that anyone with a brain in their head and lots of money in the bank should be putting both to work back here on Earth to solve our climate problems.

Continue reading

Richard Branson Will Beat Jeff Bezos As The First Billionaire In Space

July 2, 2021 / Posted by:

The desperate space race between Jeff Bezos and Sir Richard Branson appears to have reached its denouement. And it looks like Jeff Bezos won’t be the one to turn on his Amazon-brand helmet mic and utter, “That’s one small step for billionaire men, one giant leap for billionairekind.” Between Jeff, Richard, and space-obsessed weirdo Elon Musk, it was inevitable that one of them would open their wallet faster than the others, dump a ton of cash into their respective intergalactic vanity projects, and be the first billionaire in space. After a bunch of back and forth, the bragging rights are probably going to go to Richard Branson.

Continue reading

Richard Branson Is Trying To Beat Jeff Bezos Into Space

June 9, 2021 / Posted by:

Uh oh, we’ve got a billionaire space fight happening, and it’s anyone’s guess who will blast into space first. Sir Richard Branson has been talking about making space his final frontier for the longest time, with a little help from his Virgin Galactic space travel company. But then Elon Musk came along with an even bigger personal budget and a hyper-focused obsession with breaking through the Earth’s atmosphere, and it really did look like Elon was going to be the first billionaire in space. But just two days ago, Jeff Bezos announced he would be living out a childhood dream with his little brother Mark Bezos at the end of July, by going to space in a ship called the New Shepard, made by his space company, Blue Origin. Jeff’s ego was probably throbbing at the thought of winning the billionaire space race, but there’s a chance he might not actually get to space first. Richard Branson is now planning to get in the sky a few weeks sooner than Jeff Bezos.

Continue reading

alt="drupal analytics" >