Category: Jail Birds
Mossimo Giannulli Was Denied Early Release
Back in December, a mere month into his 5-month sentence for his role in the college admissions scandal, Mossio Giannulli, a high ranking member of the notorious Giannulli-Loghlin crime family, told his jailers he didn’t like it in prison and was afraid he might have or might catch COVID-19. So Mossimo was placed in protective isolation but the conditions there did not suit him either. So Mossimo asked if he could just go ahead and serve out the rest of his time at home. He’s since tested negative for the virus, and been released back into the general population where presumably the wifi is stronger. In a cruel twist of fate, it was just in time for him to see his daughter Olivia Jade’s return to YouTube for what it was, a desperate cry for help. Sadly, the judge has decided against Mossimo’s request for “compassionate release.” Now there is no one who can intercede to stop his lily white daughter from posting captions like “i do be missing that summer glow” on Instagram.
Felicity Huffman Already Has A Post-Prison Job Lined Up At ABC
A year after serving 11 days of her 14-day sentence at the Pinky’s Up Lite Lockup For Gentile Ladies Of Means, Felicity Huffman is ready to get back to work. According to Deadline, Felicity’s already landed her first post-conviction role in a pilot for a family-friendly comedy described as a “funny, surprising and occasionally heartbreaking half-hour about love, loss, family and Triple-A baseball” for ABC. Felicity will star (yes STAR, no more supporting role for Ms. Huffman, she’s more famous than ever) as “the unlikely owner of a minor-league baseball team” who inherits the team after her husband dies. I guess ABC is hoping that the only thing we remember about Felicity paying $15,000 to have someone fix her daughter’s SAT scores, getting caught, pleading guilty, and going to jail for it, was the adorable way she said “ruh-roh!” when she knew the jig was up.
The Thought Of Spending The Holidays In Jail Is Reportedly Messing With Lori Loughlin’s Head
A couple of weeks ago we heard how Lori Loughlin, terrified of catching coronavirus, has been preparing her mind and body to serve her 2-month prison sentence for paying $500,000 in bribes, along with her husband Mossimo Giannulli, to get their daughters Olivia Jade and Bella Giannulli into USC as crew recruits knowing damn well the only boat those girls have ever been on was a rich man’s yacht. And now, even while most of California is still under coronavirus lockdown, the Loughlin Family Pity Party rages on. Somehow, from within the confines of her humble Hidden Hills abode, Lori has managed to invite the world into her home to enjoy some light refreshments as she regales her guests with tales of angst and emotional turmoil over the thought of spending Christmas in the clink. If ever there was a time to cut the power and issue a citation, it’s now!
Ghislaine Maxwell Might Be Held Without Bail, Due To Being An Extreme Flight Risk
Ghislaine Maxwell was finally apprehended by the FBI yesterday in New Hampshire where she was hiding out in a mansion. But she’ll probably (and hopefully) never go back to that luxurious New Hampshire hideout, because prosecutors have declared her a major flight risk.
Bill Cosby Asked To Be Sent Home So He Doesn’t Catch Coronavirus
Notorious rapist Bill Cosby, who is not sick nor has he been tested for novel coronavirus, is asking the court to send him home to his 9,000 sq ft. Pennsylvania mansion to serve the remainder of his sentence under house arrest under the loving care of his devoted wife Camille Cosby. You see, Bill’s just a feeble old blind man who wouldn’t hurt a (Spanish) fly. According to Page Six, Bill’s legal team are filing a motion to have him released because “at least one prison officer” at the jail where he’s serving three to ten years, has reportedly tested positive for coronavirus. Of course Bill Cosby is trying to use the coronavirus as a get out of jail free card! This was so inevitable, I just typed “Bill Co” and predictive text filled in the rest of the sentence for me.
Everybody Is Afraid Of What Might Happen To Harvey Weinstein If He Gets Transferred From Bellevue
Harvey Weinstein is still posted up at Bellevue Hospital after he clutched his chest like Fred Sanford and avoided being sent to Rikers Island as soon as he was found guilty of third-degree rape and a first-degree criminal sexual act on Monday. And it looks like he might be there for a while. According to TMZ, the New York City Department of Corrections is nervous Weinstein might get Epsteined on their watch. Apparently Harvey’s worried too, and hired a prison consultant prior to his conviction who, according to Page Six, is “helping Weinstein’s camp with logistics.” Specifically as they relate to his medical care. Since this consultant is “not a psychologist,” I’m going to assume it’s an acting coach who will guide Harvey in making sure his heart palpitations, back pain and diabetes flare up sufficiently enough to keep him out of Rikers until his sentencing which is scheduled for March 11.