A couple of weeks ago we heard how Lori Loughlin, terrified of catching coronavirus, has been preparing her mind and body to serve her 2-month prison sentence for paying $500,000 in bribes, along with her husband Mossimo Giannulli, to get their daughters Olivia Jade and Bella Giannulli into USC as crew recruits knowing damn well the only boat those girls have ever been on was a rich man’s yacht. And now, even while most of California is still under coronavirus lockdown, the Loughlin Family Pity Party rages on. Somehow, from within the confines of her humble Hidden Hills abode, Lori has managed to invite the world into her home to enjoy some light refreshments as she regales her guests with tales of angst and emotional turmoil over the thought of spending Christmas in the clink. If ever there was a time to cut the power and issue a citation, it’s now!
According to InTouch Weekly, Lori is “a complete wreck and the thought of being locked up during Thanksgiving and Christmas is really messing with her head.” Apparently the thought of eating restructured turkey and CANNED cranberry sauce is a total “nightmare.” Even worse, her daughters Olivia Jade and Bella are said to be “rattled” and “have been spending more time at home with their parents as of late,” (oh really, do tell) according to Us Weekly. Such are the trials and tribulations of white-collar criminals and their spawn. InTouch reports:
A not-so-happy holiday. Lori Loughlin is “beyond worried” about spending Christmas behind bars, a source exclusively tells In Touch after she was sentenced to two months in prison on August 21 for the college admissions scandal.
U.S. District Judge Nathaniel Gorton previously ordered the Full House alum, 56, to turn herself into authorities by November 19 during the sentencing hearing. Loughlin‘s fashion designer husband, Mossimo Giannulli, 57, must also surrender to the United States Bureau of Prisons before 2 p.m. on the same day.
“She‘s already a complete wreck and the thought of being locked up during Thanksgiving and Christmas is really messing with her head,” the insider says. “It‘s a nightmare.”
Good lord, woman. Suck it up. Fellow felon Martha Stewart made an entire nativity scene and was making jam out crab apples she plucked from the prison grounds while she was serving time. She should think of it as an opportunity for creative expression. Lori should stage a remake of 2016’s Every Christmas Has a Story in which she starred. According to IMDB, “a TV personality accidentally admits she hates Christmas. When she goes to a small town to film a special to repair her image, the Christmas spirit begins to change her life.”
That’s easy to adapt! Just swap “accidentally admits” with “pleaded guilty” and “the Christmas spirit” with “2-minute showers and scratchy sheets.” How Lori deals with her incarceration could actually change her career trajectory for the better. Shit, if the Hallmark Channel will no longer have her, I hear they’re looking for a new Housewife over at Bravo.