Category: I Don’t Like Jokes

Elon Musk Tried It But Miley Cyrus’ Mother’s Day Titty Shirt Stole The Show At “Saturday Night Live”

May 9, 2021 / Posted by:

For weeks, we’ve been threatened that Saturday Night Live was going to inject itself with massive amounts of potent insufferableness and it happened last night when Elon Musk finally hosted the show (while Aidy Bryant and Bowen Yang made a mental note to research the best dental implant surgeons in the area as they grit their teeth down to dust). Elon Musk hosted the Mother’s Day episode of SNL, which was fitting since while watching it, I asked myself, “Motherfucker, why you are watching this mess?”

But while Elon Musk got all the attention leading up to last night’s show, Miley Cyrus stole it from the beginning by working an extremely modest and demure chichis shirt as she yodeled out her godmother Dolly Parton’s song Light Of A Clear Blue Morning during a tribute to mothers. Maybe Miley wore that elegant Gaultier-esque (unless it IS Gaultier) white tit shirt because mothers = breastfeeding = deflated chichis? Or because she wanted to pay tribute to Dolly Parton’s iconic lily-white titty balls? Or she just wanted to snatch the spotlight from Elon? Or all of the above!

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Surprise, Surprise, Michael Strahan Didn’t Close His Gap After All 

April 2, 2021 / Posted by:

Right before April Fools’ Day, Michael Strahan announced that he had closed the gap in his front teeth with the help of cosmetic dentist, Dr. Lee Gause of Smile Design Manhattan. Well, we can all rest easy today because Michael didn’t close his gap. It was just an April Fools’ prank. You got us good, Michael.

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BREAKING: Prince William Is The Last Living Bald-Headed Man On Earth

March 28, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, looks like I’ll be busy all day writing obits for Stanley Tucci, Mark Strong, The Rock, Morris Chestnut, Jason Statham, Sir Patrick Stewart, Kelly Slater, Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Bruce Willis, Billy Zane, Boris Kodjoe, Common, Ed Harris, Michael Chiklis, LL Cool J, Corey Stoll, Danny DeVito, and Homer Simpson. Because it seems like they’re dead. Hell,  if you’re a bald man who is reading this right now, guess what? You’re a ghost! It looks like Prince William is the only bald-headed man alive because some new study claims that he is the World’s Sexiest Bald Man. And no, this “study” was not conducted by the University of Trolling and The April Fools’ Day Gazette.

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Matthew McConaughey Is Once Again Talking About Running For Governor Of Texas

March 13, 2021 / Posted by:

Q: HASN’T TEXAS SUFFERED ENOUGH?!!?!

A: I guess fucking not!

Matthew McConaughey (seen above in David Koresh cosplay) has laid down a threat to Texas by saying that the thought of running for the governor of his home state is brewing in his brain. So yeah, it looks like Matthew is still smoking the weed strain that causes him to have strange hallucinations, like the image of him as governor opening a State of the State Undress Address with a naked bongo performance.

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Todrick Hall Brought The Mess While Defending Taylor Swift Against That “Ginny & Georgia” Joke

March 3, 2021 / Posted by:

I don’t know how the Swift Signal works, maybe his balls tingle or there’s strobe light that turns on but Todrick Hall is immediately activated whenever His Queen is in peril. And for a very rich white lady, she’s in peril A LOT. So as soon as Taylor Swift got a little push back for calling out the Netflix show Ginny & Georgia over a sexist” joke about her on Twitter, Todrick hopped out of this little boy Louis Vuitton race car bed and chose violence.

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The Golden Globe Nominations Are Out So It’s That Time To Scream Over The SNUBS!

February 3, 2021 / Posted by:

The Golden Globes were announced this morning, and Netflix is definitely lounging back with a cigar in their mouth like, “Call me daddy, Hollywood.” Because Netflix cleaned up and got a total of 42 nominations, including six each for Mank and The Crown.

But of course, after the nominations were announced, people said “HUH?” over certain nominations and let out a “SNUBBED!” over those who got a handful of absolutely nothing. One of my top two shows of 2020 was I May Destroy You on HBO Max (the other was the masterpiece Veneno on HBO Max, which I knew wouldn’t get shit) and I, along with others, thought it would get some Golden Globe nominations today. But I guess I May Destroy You is The Weeknd of the Golden Globes because the show and its creator/star Michaela Coel got nothing. Meanwhile, Emily In Paris, James Corden (for The Prom), and Jared Leto (for The Little Things) all got nominations. Have all of the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association been tested for coronavirus because it’s obvious that some of them have lost their sense of taste.

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