Category: Duchess Kate
Behold, Master Archie Getting Shown Up By One Of His Grandaunts On His Christening Day!
Yes, that is the look of a baby who is thinking, “So, I’m sitting here in this heavy ass Victorian ass lace ass reproduction gown while my grandaunt has beat me in the glamour department by looking stunning in some Truman Capote gone to Panama cosplay? Fuck this shit, get this itchy doll dress off of me!”
As Britain experiences gale-force winds from all of its citizens vigorously shaking their heads over Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan having the disgusting AUDACITY to make their child’s christening private, even though royal christenings are traditionally private, two-month-old Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor was christened today at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle. That’s the same place where PHG and Meghan were married, and where PHG was christened in 1984. The royals released two pictures including the Awkward Family Photo above. While everybody worked the same tired stuffy royal drag, Princess Diana’s sister Lady Jane Fellowes changed the entire game by looking like she’s about to solve the shit out of a crime on an island.
An 83-Year-Old Woman Was Hit By Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Convoy
Prince William and Duchess Kate might want to think about downgrading their dress-up couture from Royalty’s Finest to Sir Bargain’s Discount Depot. Because they might need to free up a couple bucks in their budget if they get sued by the 83-year-old lady their convoy hit. But then again, the 83-year-old lady could get sued for messing up the royal motorcade bumper.
The Royals Spent The Day At The Royal Ascot Races
Even though Duchess Meghan wasn’t there to scream “move your bloomin’ ass” from the stands or make some other gauche faux pas like she did at Trooping The Colour, there was still plenty of excitement to be had at the opening day of the Royal Ascot horse race. The annual event which, according to People began in 1711, was attended by Her Royal Highness THE QUEEN, Duchess Kate, Prince William, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla, Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice as well as those clog shuffling, french fry dipping, dyke plugging royals King Willem-Alexander and Queen Maxima of the Netherlands. In other words, every duke and earl and peer was there, everyone who should be there was there. And that folks, is your My Fair Lady deep cut for the day.
Prince Philip Reportedly Didn’t Want Prince Hot Ginge To Marry Meghan Markle
Seen above at Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s wedding last year, Prince Philip may have hatched a plan to save his grandson from marrying Meghan by interrupting the wedding, but then he went mimi times about 3 seconds in and later got distracted with opening some hardy candy. Because society journalist Sophia Money-Coutts (what a perfect name for a socialite) claims that the other PP told PHG to not marry Meghan. You might be thinking that Philip didn’t want Meghan to join the royal family because her 23andMe results wouldn’t come back as her being whiter than an albino dolphin’s bleached b-hole, but that’s crazy. We have always known Philip to be the King of Diversity and accepting of all people. Philip apparently didn’t want PHG to marry Meghan because he’s actressphobic.
The Rumors About Rose Hanbury Hurt Duchess Kate And Prince William’s Marriage
Prince William and Duchess Kate are as close as we can get to a real-life version of The Heart Family. But as we all know, The Royal Heart Family recently experienced a dramatic cheating scandal when it was rumored that Prince William cheated with Duchess Kate’s best friend, The Marchioness of Cholmondeley, Rose Hanbury, who is married to the Marquess of Cholmondeley but has been photographed without her wedding ring on. Prince William’s lawyers got involved, saying it didn’t happen. Duchess Kate’s also got involved, saying any story about her icing out her best friend is a lie.
Regardless of what the truth is, Us Weekly claims that Duchess Kate hates that it’s all out there, and it’s really made things awkward.
Duchess Kate’s Ex-Best Friend Rose Hanbury Has Been Seen Without Her Wedding Ring On
It’s 7:00, Saturday morning. A phone buzzes on a nightstand. Prince Harry rolls over, picks up his phone, and reads the following text from his brother:
“Hi mate. I know you think I’m a bit of a wanker right now (the feeling is mutual, you ginger knob!), but but would you mind if I came over and hid out at your place for a while? I’d just…rather not be at my house when Kate reads the news this morning.”
That’s the fantasy I’ve cobbled together in my head, and I’m sure it’s no where near the truth. But at the very least, I’m still picturing some awkward slinking around the palace over the weekend. Because The Daily Mail reports that Rose Hanbury, Duchess Kate’s possibly-estranged best friend and Prince William’s alleged other woman, has been seen without her wedding ring on.